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"Someone will remember us, I say, even in another time."
"How inconvenient to be made of desire."
"It's me, hi, I'm the problem its me."
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[FILL] what kind of love
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: idolverse, friends and idiots to lovers, first kisses, confessions, seungkwan the meddler, jeonghan who lies for fun and mingyu who couldn't lie to save his life
Permission to remix: Please ask
***
âHyung, how do you really feel about me?â Mingyu asks.
Itâs a silly question, Jeonghan thinks, but second of allâ itâs not a yes or no question. Someone, probably Seungcheol, reminds Mingyu of this and he whines, saying it doesnât matter. But he rephrases it anyway.
âHyung,â Mingyu tries again. âHyung, do you love me?â
The members giggle and laugh, and yeah, itâs funny, itâs supposed to be funnyâ but Jeonghan feels like heâs going to die. Why couldnât Mingyu just have asked him something stupid, like âdid you shower this morningâ, or something like that? Why did Mingyu have to be so⌠Mingyu, about it?
âNo,â Jeonghan says flatly, drawing more laughter from the members.
Mingyu huffs and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Good, okay, this is fine. Now comes the hard partâ the part where the guy reading the polygraph says Jeonghan is lying.
âTrue,â the polygraph reader says.
âWhat?â Jeonghan says, quite involuntarily. He stares at the polygrapher wide eyed.
The other members are laughing, but Mingyuâs stopped; his expression is suddenly impassive. He looks at Jeonghan and Jeonghan doesnât know what he sees.
New talent for his resume, Jeonghan supposes. He can pass a polygraph while lying.
The rest of the interview passes in sort of a blurâ Jeonghan doesnât listen to any of the questions or the answers being dealt out until itâs Mingyuâs turn to sit in the chair. They exchange a heated look when they accidentally make eye contact, and Mingyu doesnât look angry, he just looks a bit sad. It would be better if he was angry, Jeonghan thinks.
âMingyu,â Seungkwan says, with the air of someone whoâs just had the best idea in their entire career. âDo you love Jeonghan hyung?â
Oh. Jeonghan looks over at Mingyu, whoâs staring at Seungkwan with barely masked fury, obviously trying very hard to tame his emotions and hide them from the camera.
âNo,â Mingyu says, the annoyance hidden by his joking tone, but not well enough that they donât all know heâs lying.
âFalse,â the polygraph reader says.
Laughter, again. Mingyu doesnât laugh though. Heâs looking at Jeonghan like heâs trying to blow him up with his mind.
After the last two members have taken their turn in the chair, the interview ends. Mingyu stalks off, and Minghao follows him, and Jeonghan stands there staring after them until they disappear from sight. He wants to say something to Mingyu, but heâs not sure what. âIâm sorryâ maybe, or âwasnât that funny? How I lied and got away with it?â
Because Jeonghan was lying, of course he was lyingâ heâs sure everyone else knew he was lying too. Even Mingyu. Right? Didnât he know? What was this about?
The car trip back to the dorms is bad. Mingyu and Jeonghan end up in the same car, Mingyu in the front seat, Jeonghan in the back, the silence between them thick and heavy. The other members either donât notice or donât mention it. Jeonghan doesnât know why, he doesnât know what the silence means, he doesnât know why Mingyu insists on ignoring him.
When they get inside the building Mingyu still doesnât say anything, he doesnât even look at him. He sulks by himself till Wonwoo comes over to him and puts an arm around his shoulders, and then theyâre off to their shared dorm, and Jeonghan is left alone.
Seungkwan comes to find him in the kitchen an hour later.
âHyung,â he says. âIâm⌠Iâm sorry.â
âAbout what?â
âYou know,â Seungkwan says, gesturing vaguely. âYou and Mingyu. I didnât mean to make things weird, I was just trying to make it a funny interview, but I⌠I crossed a line.â
What line, though? Jeonghan chews on the inside of his cheek, staring back at Seungkwan. He wants to ask, heâs dying to ask, but heâs stubborn and hates asking for help. Heâll figure it out himself.
âItâs okay,â Jeonghan says at length. âYou did a good job today, Seungkwan-ah. I know you put a lot of pressure on yourself to appear funny and happy in interviews, and to make stuff fun for people to watch.â
âHyung,â Seungkwan whines, flushing slightly at the comments. âYouâre being gross. I wasnât fishing for compliments.â
âI know,â Jeonghan laughs. âI just wanted to compliment you, is that so bad?â
âYes,â Seungkwan huffs. He walks over to the fridge and opens it, grabbing two beers and sliding one across the counter to Jeonghan. âYou should probably talk to Mingyu.â
âWhat?â
âHe looked sad,â Seungkwan says, shrugging. âYou know how he is sometimes.â
âBut it was a joke,â Jeonghan says, and heâs trying to convince himself more than heâs trying to convince Seungkwanâ heâs trying to make it make sense. If Seungkwan says it makes sense, then maybe heâll be able to believe it. âOf course I love Mingyu. It wasnât funny because I donât love him, it was funny because I managed to pass a polygraph test while lying.â
âI know that,â Seungkwan says, waving a hand. âYou love all the members. But you know⌠well, love can be different things between different people. Maybe he meant a different kind of love.â
Huh? Jeonghan sits there and stares at Seungkwan, who looks casual and collected, like what heâd said hadnât been insane. Seungkwan takes a sip of his beer. Jeonghan is seeing colors heâs never seen before.
A different kind of love? Like what? What did it mean? He wants to ask Seungkwan what he means, but he gets the feeling Seungkwan isnât going to answer. So instead he downs the rest of his beer, and he stands up.
âIâm going to bed,â Jeonghan declares.
âOkay,â Seungkwan says. âTell Mingyu I said hi.â
Jeonghan doesnât dignify this with a response, he just scoffs and leaves the kitchenâ and he leaves their dorm, and he takes the elevator up to the floor where Mingyu and Wonwoo live. He wonders what theyâre doing. Maybe theyâre talking about him. Probably not. His hand shakes when he knocks on the door.
The person who opens it is not who Jeonghan wanted to see; itâs Wonwoo, with his glasses on, makeup already off. He raises his eyebrows at Jeonghan.
âHyung, what are you doing here?â He asks.
âIs uhâ is Mingyu here?â Jeonghan replies, and he doesnât know why heâs stumbling over his words like a toddler, but his palms have started to sweat again.
âYeah,â Wonwoo says. âHe lives here.â
âWonwoo.â
âOh,â Wonwoo says, âOh, I seeâ Iâll uh⌠Iâll go say hi to Soonyoung, or something.â
âAlright,â Jeonghan says.
He doesnât say that itâs okay, that Wonwoo doesnât have to leave, he just wants to check on Mingyu, because he does want Wonwoo to leave. Heâs not really sure why exactly, but he does want to be alone with Mingyu and this unnamed thing in between them. So Jeonghan lets Wonwoo leave, and he goes inside, and he shuts the door behind him.
âWho was it, hyung?â Mingyu calls from somewhere deeper in the apartment. âIs the food already here?â
Jeonghan doesnât answer, he walks into the living room, and he sees Mingyuâ and Mingyu sees him. They look at each other for a few moments in complete silence.
âWonwoo left,â Jeonghan says eventually. âSorry. I didnât know you guys had ordered food.â
âHe left? Why?â
Jeonghan doesnât know how to answer that, so instead he says, âare you alright?â
Mingyu blinks back at him, something crossing over his face. âYeah, Iâm fine. Why?â
âYouâre lying,â Jeonghan says, flatly. âYouâre a horrible liar, Mingyu.â
Mingyuâs expression turns into a scowl, âso what?â
âMingyu,â Jeonghan says, and heâs still standing so far away from him, and Mingyu looks so mad, and it wasnât supposed to go like this. âWhat did you mean when you asked if I loved you?â
âIt was a joke,â Mingyu says. âI was just trying to make the video funny.â
âNo, you werenât,â Jeonghan says. âI was the one who did that. I lied, and I lied so well I fooled a polygraph. That was the funny part. The part where you asked if I loved you wasnât funny at all.â
âYou⌠what? What do you mean?â
âWhat do you mean âwhat do I meanâ? Of course I love you, Mingyu. I love all the members, you know that.â
Mingyu crumples, âyeah. Yeah, of course.â
âMingyu,â Jeonghan says again, like if he says his name enough times maybe itâll be enoughâ maybe he wonât have to say the other thing.
Mingyu stands up and brushes his hair back, âdid you want something else, hyung?â
âMingyu,â Jeonghan insists, and he walks over to him, and he grabs his wrist, and he hasnât thought this throughâ what does he do now? Theyâre standing very close together. âWhat kind of love did you mean?â
âI donâtâ what do you mean what kind of love?â
âWhat kind of love do you want?â Jeonghan asks, insists, his grip tightening.
âI canât answer that.â
âWhy not?â
âIâm a bad liar, hyung,â Mingyu whispers. His voice has gotten very small, and he looks awfully fragile all of a sudden.
Jeonghan wants to say something, to say the right thing, something that would fix this, but he canâtâ he canât say it. Not like that. Thereâs a word he knows, but he canât say it.
So instead, he leans up and he kisses Mingyu, just⌠briefly. For barely a second. He has to stand on his tiptoes to reach Mingyuâs lips.
Mingyu looks down at him wide eyed, and thenâ and then Mingyu kisses Jeonghan, kisses him hard, he wrenches his wrist out of Jeonghanâs grip and puts both hands on Jeonghanâs face, and he kisses him so hard that they almost topple over onto the floor. Instead they end up against the wall, Jeonghan caged in between Mingyuâs arms, and oh, oh, oh. Kissing Mingyu is so nice.
âLike that,â Mingyu whispers, pulling away just far enough that he can speak. âI want love like that.â
âI can work with that,â Jeonghan says. âI could do that.â
âYou could?â
âYes,â Jeonghan says.
Yes, yes, yes, Jeonghan thinks, itâs always yes when itâs you. He doesnât say that part out loud. Instead he kisses Mingyu again.
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
(Anonymous) 2022-12-27 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)Re: [FILL] what kind of love
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
some lines that made me fully deranged:
- âWhat?â Jeonghan says, quite involuntarily. He stares at the polygrapher wide eyed. HE DIDNT THINK HE WAS LYING IM SCREAMING
- âMingyu,â Seungkwan says, with the air of someone whoâs just had the best idea in their entire career. âDo you love Jeonghan hyung?â SEUNGKWAN NO
- Mingyu doesnât laugh though. Heâs looking at Jeonghan like heâs trying to blow him up with his mind. this is so funny and so evocative lmao I can SEE mg's face
- âIâm going to bed,â Jeonghan declares.
âOkay,â Seungkwan says. âTell Mingyu I said hi.â IM SO STRESSED BUT ALSO IN HYSTERICS
- âMingyu,â Jeonghan says again, like if he says his name enough times maybe itâll be enoughâ maybe he wonât have to say the other thing. THIS IS FINE IM FINE IM FINE
- and oh, oh, oh. Kissing Mingyu is so nice. I. AM. DERANGED.
- Yes, yes, yes, Jeonghan thinks, itâs always yes when itâs you. COMING BACK ROUND TO HIS INITIAL 'NO' IM GNASHING MY TEETH
thank you for my death
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
i love love gyuhan so much theyre so fun to write, so its always nice to see people enjoying my gyuhanisms
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
mingyu's emotions vs jeonghan's observance and different ways of perceiving the world and behavior and love.. this was so good.
Re: [FILL] what kind of love