Status: Closed
This round has closed. It remains open for fills, comments and remixes, but prompts are no longer accepted.
About
"Someone will remember us, I say, even in another time."
"How inconvenient to be made of desire."
"It's me, hi, I'm the problem its me."
Calling all readers, lovers of poetry and music, screen and stage. Quote collecters and lyric hoarders, unleash your archive. For this round, every prompt must contain a quote - you can combine them, add commentary, link to articles, do whatever. Steal from a literary classic, or copy WeVerse drama.
đ HOLD UP
If this is your first time on 17hols please check out our About Page which contains helpful information and links to pages explaining dreamwidth and HTML. We are a prompting fest where all the action happens in the comment section.
Rules
- Sign up is not required.
- Fills have a minimum of 400 words for prose, haiku-length for poetry (3 lines), and 400px by 400px for art (memes are also art). Other mediums are fine too!
- There is no maximum cap.
- Tag and provide content warnings at your discretion, but a good guide are the Ao3 four (Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage) and this list of common CWs (cr: SportsFest).
- NSFW/Explicit content should be tagged
- NSFW art should not be visible, please provide a link and a warning. You may crop the artwork and embed a SFW preview.
How it works
Prompting
- Click on [Post a New Comment] at the bottom of this post;
- Change the subject;
- Copy+Paste the following HTML into your comment and edit the sections. Feel free to add as much detail as you want!
Need ideas? Check out our 2021 and 2022 Quote rounds.
Filling
- Reply to the original prompt;
- You must change the subject to [FILL] - this is to help the mods track. Feel free to add a title
- Copy+Paste the following HTML into your comment, edit the sections, and add your text.
You may also upload your fill to the AO3 Collection.
Remixing
- Post as a reply to the fill you are remixing, using the same HTML as above;
- Change the subject to [REMIX].
Art/media
- Upload your work to any platform (twitter, imgur, youtube, soundcloud, google maps, etc.)
- Using the same HTML code as above, copy the link into your fill or remix. That's it!
- Optionally, you can embed a picture into your comment. Please use the following code instead.
(To explain, the HTML resizes your picture to 400x400px so that it fits on most screens. Users can view the full size if they click on it. You can also add a link to your work on twitter so that others can share it, or to any other website you want)
On dreamwidth, you can't edit a comment once someone has replied to it.
Navigation
|
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
a confession
Major Tags: heist or idolverse âSeventeen Take A Lie Detector Testâ
Additional Tags: N/A
Do Not Wants: None
Prompt:
- ARealLiveGhost on twitter
[FILL] the kwonfession (untrademarked)
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: Ambiguous Relationships (theyre not defined beforehand), Introspection (my favourite kind of soonyoung), Fluff, Idiots (fond) In Love except they dont know, Idolverse
Permission to remix: Yes
play on ur username is also intentional⌠i hope this satisfied Something???
ur prompt + from asofterworld.com : there are some secrets / i will take to my grave / but i dont want loving you / to be one of them [a recurring theme in my works tbh Its A Crazy Experience]
***
This is not the way Soonyoung expects his confession to go.
The idea is simple: take turns getting hooked up to a polygraph, getting asked some questions. (ex. in Seungcheol's instance: do you like living with the members? Did you eat samgyeopsal without me?)
It's Seokmin's turn to ask a question now. The room goes quiet. Like he's going to say something pivotal.
"Hyung. Do you love me?"
All of a sudden, this feels like a really, really bad idea. Wrong question to ask, really: it should be how much do you love me?
There's many things that feel like this. Push-and-pull. Desire, and the fear of it.
Cameras bore into him like bullets on a daily basis, the glares of higher upsâapproving and not, the scrutiny of people on the internet even more so, and this: the soft way Seokmin looks at himânow, even back then.
Anticipatory. His polygraph so incoherent and messy it could be words bleeding into paper. There's justâno easy way to say I love you I loved you when we woke Chan and Jihoon up in the dorms I loved you when you called me yeobo for the skits I loved you when you cooked for me Iâ
"No." Soonyoung saysâthe truth lies, just in the way he can feel the polygraph spike under his skin. Seokmin sheds a fake tear. A prodding needle. Are you going to keep this to yourself, forever? The thread threatens to undo itself, to remove all methods of inhibition, to burst out in something more than bashful secrecy.
Wants to learn an easy way to say what he means. It never works, still. He scrunches his nose to await the inevitable.
"That's a lie," the man manning the polygraph says. He meets Seokmin's eye and hopes the message is conveyed.
(He's met with a welcoming grin. Whatever that means.)
đ
"Ah, hyung. I can't believe after years of Seoksoon-Talk, you've decided to betray me, like this." Seokmin cards his fingers through Soonyoung's hair. "Should I revoke jagiya rights from you, now?"
They're lying, back to front, in the bathtub of their hotel room. Joshua is out with Seungcheol. They have all the time in the world, like this.
His heart beats as Seokmin chuckles at his own joke, lathering the shampoo into Soonyoung's newly bleached hair; yellow and bright and so perfect.
"I lied then, though. You know I love you~"
Their legs tangled underneath the water, Seokmin's presence is an overwhelming comfort. Perhaps, it is this light that bursts through the seams, all-pervading, intangible and still present.
Seokmin holds a hand over Soonyoung's heart and kisses his hair.
(He forgets there is shampoo in it.)
(Soonyoung tries to wash it off. There's definitely soap swallowed in the process.)
(Don't tell Seokmin, but Soonyoung would kiss him to remove the alkaline taste of soap from his mouth. Totally not for exploration. They can become alkaline soap-mouthed buds. Best buds'.)
Re: [FILL] the kwonfession (untrademarked)
Re: [FILL] the kwonfession (untrademarked)
Re: [FILL] the kwonfession (untrademarked)
Re: [FILL] the kwonfession (untrademarked)
[FILL] polygraph
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: heist au, polygraph tests, weird sexual tension??, wonwoo steps on a pin at one point so warning for pain
Permission to remix: Yes
***
Jeonghan leans close to Wonwoo, deft fingers tightening the band around his chest. He smells powdery but sharp. It makes Wonwooâs breath catch.
âI think itâs too tight,â Wonwoo says.
âIt needs to be tight.â Jeonghan moves away, fiddling with some dials on the panel in front of him, then sits back down across the table from Wonwoo. How or where he learnt to administer polygraph tests, Wonwoo has no idea. He would ask, but he knows that Jeonghan wonât tell him.
Jeonghan consults the sheet of questions on his clipboard, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He turns some dials, presses some buttons. Flips to the next pages of questions. Flips back.
Wonwoo clicks his tongue. âCan you hurry up,â he grumbles.
âPerfection takes time,â Jeonghan replies coolly, but he obligingly puts the clipboard down and looks back up at Wonwoo. âRight, weâll do some diagnostic questions first, shall we?â
Heâs asking it like a question, but itâs not. Jeonghan is in control of the test, and Wonwoo is just here because heâs going to have to pass a polygraph before the black market dealers theyâre attempting to steal from will let him through to look at the latest priceless painting on Seungcheolâs hit list. And the best way to learn how to pass is to â let Jeonghan do this, apparently.
âThis is such a waste of time,â Wonwoo points out, already irritated that he has to sit here and let Jeonghan interrogate him. He can feel his heart rate starting to spike. The needle on the page jumps, leaving a streak of ink in its wake. âThese tests donât even really work.â
âNo, they donât, which is why we can train you to pass them.â Jeonghan smiles at him, close-lipped. Wonwoo wonders if he, too, is annoyed that he has to do this. Itâs hard to tell, with Jeonghan. Wonwoo wishes that he could strap the band around Jeonghanâs chest and force him to tell the truth instead.
Jeonghan opens with, âWhat is your name?â
Wonwoo scowls. âJeon Wonwoo.â
The needle wobbles. Jeonghan glances at it, then makes a note on his clipboard.
âHow old are you?â
âTwenty-six.â
âWhere were you born?â
âChangwon.â
Jeonghan rattles through the list of questions. He keeps his gaze trained down, occasionally scribbling down a note. Wonwoo wishes Jeonghan would look at him.
âIs this telling you anything?â
Jeonghan looks up at Wonwoo without lifting his head. His gaze is curtained by his fringe, getting a little long now but Jeonghan is too lazy to deal with things as mundane as getting his hair trimmed. Wonwoo likes it long, though. He imagines tucking it behind Jeonghanâs ear. Jeonghan quirks a smile at Wonwoo with one side of his mouth, as if heâs read Wonwooâs mind. âItâs telling me enough.â
Wonwoo doesnât know what that means. Heâs a little frightened to find out.
Jeonghan laughs. âDonât be scared,â he says, and Wonwoo remembers abruptly that heâs hooked up to a damn polygraph machine, as if Jeonghan needed any more help reading people. He tries to keep his face blank as he stares at Jeonghan, but the needle wobbles conspicuously against the page. âIâm only teasing, thatâs just given me a baseline. Iâm going to run through the same questions, and this time I need you to lie.â
Lying doesnât come naturally to Wonwoo. Not the way it does to Jeonghan. He stumbles over his words, trying to make up untruths. My name is Kwon Soonyoung. Iâm eighty years old. I was born on Mars.
âWell done,â Jeonghan says, once theyâve gone through the list again. Wonwoo feels himself flush at the praise. Jeonghanâs eyes flick down towards one of the little dials, and his eyebrow twitches in surprise, but he doesnât say anything. Wonwooâs mouth goes dry, his palms starting to feel clammy.
âHow long more is this going to take?â
Jeonghan ignores his question. He sets the clipboard down. âDo you have the pin in your foot?â â Wonwoo nods â âGood. Now, Iâm going to need you to step on the pin, hard enough that it hurts. The key is to put your body under the same kind of stress, as if you were lying.â
Wonwoo can feel the pin in his shoe, poking against the ball of his foot. He grits his teeth, and shoves his foot into the sharp point. Pain blossoms and radiates up his leg. He sucks in a breath, but keeps still.
Jeonghanâs gaze on him is hot, and heavy. âIâm going to ask you the same questions now,â he says, voice oddly low. This time, he doesnât consult his clipboard. Theyâre the same questions theyâve run through before, but as Wonwoo answers them now, he can feel his heart pounding, sweat beading on his temple. The whole time, Jeonghan keeps on looking at him.
âOkay,â Jeonghan says. He watches Wonwoo carefully. âYou can lift your foot now.â
Wonwoo does as heâs told, exhaling a sharp breath.
Jeonghan stares at him. Wonwoo might be imagining it, but he seems to be breathing a little hoarsely. âYouâre going to need to make it less obvious that youâre in pain.â
âIâll practise,â Wonwoo replies.
Jeonghan looks away sharply. âNew questions now,â he says. âI need you to try and lie.â
Wonwoo nods. He watches Jeonghan flip to the second page of questions. It occurs to him that he and Jeonghan donât spend much time alone, just the two of them. Jeonghan is usually with Seungcheol and Joshua, scheming their way to the teamâs latest haul. And Wonwoo is usually with bane of his life and best friend Soonyoung; Junhui if he deigns to grace them with his presence. Itâs not necessarily surprising that he and Jeonghan arenât the closest, but the thought of it now makes Wonwoo feel oddly morose, like watching a plane take off into the skies and being stuck resolutely on the ground.
âHyung,â he says, the honorific slipping from his lips before heâs conscious of it, âwe should hang out more.â
Jeonghan blinks in surprise, looking up at Wonwoo. Then his gaze darts back down to the polygraph machine, like heâs trying to check if Wonwoo is telling the truth. Wonwoo canât parse the read-outs, but he can see the needle â holding steady, holding steady.
âI mean it,â Wonwoo says, and he does.
âOh?â Jeonghan lifts his gaze to Wonwoo again. He arches an eyebrow, cocky and questioning, the way he always is â but Wonwoo can sense the undercurrent of uncertainty there, hovering beneath the surface. âCareful, Wonwoo-yah,â he says, voice lilting, âor I might think that you like me.â
Wonwoo freezes.
Jeonghan is still looking at him, a dark glitter of challenge in his eyes, waiting for what Wonwoo will say. Whether heâll say something true, or whether heâll lie.
âJust ask the questions,â Wonwoo says, voice more wobbly than heâd have liked.
Jeonghan drags his gaze away from Wonwooâs face, almost like heâs reluctant to do it. Wonwoo inhales slowly, and the band around his chest seems to constrict, digging into his flesh.
The needle between them trembles traitorously.
Re: [FILL] polygraph
this line, for me: Wonwoo wonders if he, too, is annoyed that he has to do this. Itâs hard to tell, with Jeonghan. Wonwoo wishes that he could strap the band around Jeonghanâs chest and force him to tell the truth instead.
like so crazy to have the guy who lies more than anyone else administer the lie detector test and have the CANCER take the lie detector test. also the part with the pin was fully fucking insane to witness and such a good idea⌠wtf⌠thank you for writing this
Re: [FILL] polygraph
And âHyung,â he says, the honorific slipping from his lips before heâs conscious of it, âwe should hang out more.â I love this line⌠Wonwoo be more smooth lol!
âCareful, Wonwoo-yah,â he says, voice lilting, âor I might think that you like me.â this is such a good Jeonghan line! And then Wonwoo getting annoyed again haha! I love this heist AU and how well you used their dynamics for that! So good!!!
Re: [FILL] polygraph
[FILL] what kind of love
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: idolverse, friends and idiots to lovers, first kisses, confessions, seungkwan the meddler, jeonghan who lies for fun and mingyu who couldn't lie to save his life
Permission to remix: Please ask
***
âHyung, how do you really feel about me?â Mingyu asks.
Itâs a silly question, Jeonghan thinks, but second of allâ itâs not a yes or no question. Someone, probably Seungcheol, reminds Mingyu of this and he whines, saying it doesnât matter. But he rephrases it anyway.
âHyung,â Mingyu tries again. âHyung, do you love me?â
The members giggle and laugh, and yeah, itâs funny, itâs supposed to be funnyâ but Jeonghan feels like heâs going to die. Why couldnât Mingyu just have asked him something stupid, like âdid you shower this morningâ, or something like that? Why did Mingyu have to be so⌠Mingyu, about it?
âNo,â Jeonghan says flatly, drawing more laughter from the members.
Mingyu huffs and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Good, okay, this is fine. Now comes the hard partâ the part where the guy reading the polygraph says Jeonghan is lying.
âTrue,â the polygraph reader says.
âWhat?â Jeonghan says, quite involuntarily. He stares at the polygrapher wide eyed.
The other members are laughing, but Mingyuâs stopped; his expression is suddenly impassive. He looks at Jeonghan and Jeonghan doesnât know what he sees.
New talent for his resume, Jeonghan supposes. He can pass a polygraph while lying.
The rest of the interview passes in sort of a blurâ Jeonghan doesnât listen to any of the questions or the answers being dealt out until itâs Mingyuâs turn to sit in the chair. They exchange a heated look when they accidentally make eye contact, and Mingyu doesnât look angry, he just looks a bit sad. It would be better if he was angry, Jeonghan thinks.
âMingyu,â Seungkwan says, with the air of someone whoâs just had the best idea in their entire career. âDo you love Jeonghan hyung?â
Oh. Jeonghan looks over at Mingyu, whoâs staring at Seungkwan with barely masked fury, obviously trying very hard to tame his emotions and hide them from the camera.
âNo,â Mingyu says, the annoyance hidden by his joking tone, but not well enough that they donât all know heâs lying.
âFalse,â the polygraph reader says.
Laughter, again. Mingyu doesnât laugh though. Heâs looking at Jeonghan like heâs trying to blow him up with his mind.
After the last two members have taken their turn in the chair, the interview ends. Mingyu stalks off, and Minghao follows him, and Jeonghan stands there staring after them until they disappear from sight. He wants to say something to Mingyu, but heâs not sure what. âIâm sorryâ maybe, or âwasnât that funny? How I lied and got away with it?â
Because Jeonghan was lying, of course he was lyingâ heâs sure everyone else knew he was lying too. Even Mingyu. Right? Didnât he know? What was this about?
The car trip back to the dorms is bad. Mingyu and Jeonghan end up in the same car, Mingyu in the front seat, Jeonghan in the back, the silence between them thick and heavy. The other members either donât notice or donât mention it. Jeonghan doesnât know why, he doesnât know what the silence means, he doesnât know why Mingyu insists on ignoring him.
When they get inside the building Mingyu still doesnât say anything, he doesnât even look at him. He sulks by himself till Wonwoo comes over to him and puts an arm around his shoulders, and then theyâre off to their shared dorm, and Jeonghan is left alone.
Seungkwan comes to find him in the kitchen an hour later.
âHyung,â he says. âIâm⌠Iâm sorry.â
âAbout what?â
âYou know,â Seungkwan says, gesturing vaguely. âYou and Mingyu. I didnât mean to make things weird, I was just trying to make it a funny interview, but I⌠I crossed a line.â
What line, though? Jeonghan chews on the inside of his cheek, staring back at Seungkwan. He wants to ask, heâs dying to ask, but heâs stubborn and hates asking for help. Heâll figure it out himself.
âItâs okay,â Jeonghan says at length. âYou did a good job today, Seungkwan-ah. I know you put a lot of pressure on yourself to appear funny and happy in interviews, and to make stuff fun for people to watch.â
âHyung,â Seungkwan whines, flushing slightly at the comments. âYouâre being gross. I wasnât fishing for compliments.â
âI know,â Jeonghan laughs. âI just wanted to compliment you, is that so bad?â
âYes,â Seungkwan huffs. He walks over to the fridge and opens it, grabbing two beers and sliding one across the counter to Jeonghan. âYou should probably talk to Mingyu.â
âWhat?â
âHe looked sad,â Seungkwan says, shrugging. âYou know how he is sometimes.â
âBut it was a joke,â Jeonghan says, and heâs trying to convince himself more than heâs trying to convince Seungkwanâ heâs trying to make it make sense. If Seungkwan says it makes sense, then maybe heâll be able to believe it. âOf course I love Mingyu. It wasnât funny because I donât love him, it was funny because I managed to pass a polygraph test while lying.â
âI know that,â Seungkwan says, waving a hand. âYou love all the members. But you know⌠well, love can be different things between different people. Maybe he meant a different kind of love.â
Huh? Jeonghan sits there and stares at Seungkwan, who looks casual and collected, like what heâd said hadnât been insane. Seungkwan takes a sip of his beer. Jeonghan is seeing colors heâs never seen before.
A different kind of love? Like what? What did it mean? He wants to ask Seungkwan what he means, but he gets the feeling Seungkwan isnât going to answer. So instead he downs the rest of his beer, and he stands up.
âIâm going to bed,â Jeonghan declares.
âOkay,â Seungkwan says. âTell Mingyu I said hi.â
Jeonghan doesnât dignify this with a response, he just scoffs and leaves the kitchenâ and he leaves their dorm, and he takes the elevator up to the floor where Mingyu and Wonwoo live. He wonders what theyâre doing. Maybe theyâre talking about him. Probably not. His hand shakes when he knocks on the door.
The person who opens it is not who Jeonghan wanted to see; itâs Wonwoo, with his glasses on, makeup already off. He raises his eyebrows at Jeonghan.
âHyung, what are you doing here?â He asks.
âIs uhâ is Mingyu here?â Jeonghan replies, and he doesnât know why heâs stumbling over his words like a toddler, but his palms have started to sweat again.
âYeah,â Wonwoo says. âHe lives here.â
âWonwoo.â
âOh,â Wonwoo says, âOh, I seeâ Iâll uh⌠Iâll go say hi to Soonyoung, or something.â
âAlright,â Jeonghan says.
He doesnât say that itâs okay, that Wonwoo doesnât have to leave, he just wants to check on Mingyu, because he does want Wonwoo to leave. Heâs not really sure why exactly, but he does want to be alone with Mingyu and this unnamed thing in between them. So Jeonghan lets Wonwoo leave, and he goes inside, and he shuts the door behind him.
âWho was it, hyung?â Mingyu calls from somewhere deeper in the apartment. âIs the food already here?â
Jeonghan doesnât answer, he walks into the living room, and he sees Mingyuâ and Mingyu sees him. They look at each other for a few moments in complete silence.
âWonwoo left,â Jeonghan says eventually. âSorry. I didnât know you guys had ordered food.â
âHe left? Why?â
Jeonghan doesnât know how to answer that, so instead he says, âare you alright?â
Mingyu blinks back at him, something crossing over his face. âYeah, Iâm fine. Why?â
âYouâre lying,â Jeonghan says, flatly. âYouâre a horrible liar, Mingyu.â
Mingyuâs expression turns into a scowl, âso what?â
âMingyu,â Jeonghan says, and heâs still standing so far away from him, and Mingyu looks so mad, and it wasnât supposed to go like this. âWhat did you mean when you asked if I loved you?â
âIt was a joke,â Mingyu says. âI was just trying to make the video funny.â
âNo, you werenât,â Jeonghan says. âI was the one who did that. I lied, and I lied so well I fooled a polygraph. That was the funny part. The part where you asked if I loved you wasnât funny at all.â
âYou⌠what? What do you mean?â
âWhat do you mean âwhat do I meanâ? Of course I love you, Mingyu. I love all the members, you know that.â
Mingyu crumples, âyeah. Yeah, of course.â
âMingyu,â Jeonghan says again, like if he says his name enough times maybe itâll be enoughâ maybe he wonât have to say the other thing.
Mingyu stands up and brushes his hair back, âdid you want something else, hyung?â
âMingyu,â Jeonghan insists, and he walks over to him, and he grabs his wrist, and he hasnât thought this throughâ what does he do now? Theyâre standing very close together. âWhat kind of love did you mean?â
âI donâtâ what do you mean what kind of love?â
âWhat kind of love do you want?â Jeonghan asks, insists, his grip tightening.
âI canât answer that.â
âWhy not?â
âIâm a bad liar, hyung,â Mingyu whispers. His voice has gotten very small, and he looks awfully fragile all of a sudden.
Jeonghan wants to say something, to say the right thing, something that would fix this, but he canâtâ he canât say it. Not like that. Thereâs a word he knows, but he canât say it.
So instead, he leans up and he kisses Mingyu, just⌠briefly. For barely a second. He has to stand on his tiptoes to reach Mingyuâs lips.
Mingyu looks down at him wide eyed, and thenâ and then Mingyu kisses Jeonghan, kisses him hard, he wrenches his wrist out of Jeonghanâs grip and puts both hands on Jeonghanâs face, and he kisses him so hard that they almost topple over onto the floor. Instead they end up against the wall, Jeonghan caged in between Mingyuâs arms, and oh, oh, oh. Kissing Mingyu is so nice.
âLike that,â Mingyu whispers, pulling away just far enough that he can speak. âI want love like that.â
âI can work with that,â Jeonghan says. âI could do that.â
âYou could?â
âYes,â Jeonghan says.
Yes, yes, yes, Jeonghan thinks, itâs always yes when itâs you. He doesnât say that part out loud. Instead he kisses Mingyu again.
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
(Anonymous) 2022-12-27 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)Re: [FILL] what kind of love
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
some lines that made me fully deranged:
- âWhat?â Jeonghan says, quite involuntarily. He stares at the polygrapher wide eyed. HE DIDNT THINK HE WAS LYING IM SCREAMING
- âMingyu,â Seungkwan says, with the air of someone whoâs just had the best idea in their entire career. âDo you love Jeonghan hyung?â SEUNGKWAN NO
- Mingyu doesnât laugh though. Heâs looking at Jeonghan like heâs trying to blow him up with his mind. this is so funny and so evocative lmao I can SEE mg's face
- âIâm going to bed,â Jeonghan declares.
âOkay,â Seungkwan says. âTell Mingyu I said hi.â IM SO STRESSED BUT ALSO IN HYSTERICS
- âMingyu,â Jeonghan says again, like if he says his name enough times maybe itâll be enoughâ maybe he wonât have to say the other thing. THIS IS FINE IM FINE IM FINE
- and oh, oh, oh. Kissing Mingyu is so nice. I. AM. DERANGED.
- Yes, yes, yes, Jeonghan thinks, itâs always yes when itâs you. COMING BACK ROUND TO HIS INITIAL 'NO' IM GNASHING MY TEETH
thank you for my death
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
i love love gyuhan so much theyre so fun to write, so its always nice to see people enjoying my gyuhanisms
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
mingyu's emotions vs jeonghan's observance and different ways of perceiving the world and behavior and love.. this was so good.
Re: [FILL] what kind of love
[FILL]: True (False)
Major Tags:
Additional Tags: Confessions Gone Wrong, Idolverse, Angst
Permission to remix: Yes
i think i might be clinically addicted to writing angsty shorts atp but hey !! thats okay right ??
ao3 twt
[FILL] tell me the truth about love
Major Tags: idolverse
Additional Tags: N/A
Permission to remix: please ask
***
âI donât like to lie,â Hansol says, âBut it doesnât mean I wonât.â
The thing about Hansol is that he cares a lot about authenticity, but his life is a study of contradictions that makes the truth an abstract, malleable thing: Korean or American, Asian or white, native or foreign, artist or idol, normal or celebrity. Sometimes itâs a binary choice, other times itâs a spectrum of realities. Itâs hard to be honest when honesty is so subjective and context-specific.
So here, being strapped into a portable polygraph, watching the monitor beep at a steady pace corresponding with his pulse, Hansol feels itâs important to say again to the PD fussing over the wiring:
âI read a lot about this stuff, hyung. Iâm not â youâre not necessarily going to get accurate information just because weâre doing this.â
The PD just shrugs good naturedly. âGood episode either way, Vernon-ssi,â he says cheerfully. âCanât wait to see you guys argue your way through whoâs lying, telling the truth, or faking it about either option.â
Hansol feels a chill down his spine at the prospect of the chaos. âDiabolical,â he says, reluctantly admiring.
The PD just smiles again. âYouâre all set,â he says. And then, more kindly, âWe all lie, you know. Just think about which ones are worth it and which ones arenât, in the end.â
A wink, and then heâs gone, and Hansol is left waiting for his members to stream in.
|
The start of the test is easy enough, questions about given name, age, current events, things like that.
Then they start asking questions like:
âWhat did you do with the Wii remote a few years ago?â (Wonwoo, who has an uncanny memory and zero interest in gossip)
âWhoâs the most handsome member in the group?â (Mingyu, who Hansol suspects is asking this of literally everyone)
âHow do you keep your eyebrows so impeccably groomed?â (Joshua, who often uses absurdity as a type of subterfuge on camera)
âWhich hyung would you take on an abandoned island and why?â (Dokyeom, who is definitely angling for a pick)
âWhy would you not take Dokyeommie on an abandoned island?â (Jeonghan, who smiles with the placid glee of someone well-used to stirring shit and then disavowing his influence later)
And so it goes.
Hansol gamely replies to everyone, and the members, while committed to the bit, donât push him too hard for funnier or more controversial answers. He figures heâll have one or two segments that wonât be edited out, and thatâs good enough for him.
Until Seungkwan comes in.
If lying is an experiment for Hansol, Seungkwan is the control. He knows everything about Hansol, in a way that goes beyond just being trainees together, or even being best friends. Theyâre more inextricably linked than that, tree branches growing from the same giant root. Seungkwan has seen Hansol grow from a gangly, awkward mess into someone more thoughtful and secure. In fact â he hasnât just seen it, heâs helped it happen. When Hansol was nervous about debut, when Hansol was homesick for his mom, when Hansol was uncertain about his talent, it was always Seungkwan who saw it first. Always Seungkwan who would strike to the heart of him and reframe those fears into a new perspective.
In a lot of ways, Seungkwan is the one who first architected the truths that Hansol so readily accepts about himself now, all these years later.
Itâs⌠kind of why Hansol is so in love with him.
So when Seungkwan slides into a seat across from him, a camera-ready smile on his face, Hansol feels the first frisson of uncertainty travel down his limbs.
Itâs not that Hansol has to lie. Itâs just that â he might want to. And he hasnât yet. To choose to do so with Seungkwan feels disloyal. Worse than that, maybe. Fundamentally wrong.
âVernon,â Seungkwan says thoughtfully, steepling his chin on two fingers. âHow are you today?â
Hansol swallows. âGood,â he says. âMy right buttcheek fell asleep, and I probably shouldnât have had two banana milks before filming.â
Seungkwan laughs, surprised. âOh,â he says, delighted. âThis is how weâre playing it!â He leans in, smiling more genuinely, not just the polished grin he had on before. âTheyâll probably edit that out, so letâs call it a warm-up.â He nudges Hansolâs foot with his own, an affectionate point of contact that makes Hansol smile back reflexively. âLetâs seeâŚwhat is your favorite thing about Seungkwannie?â
He puts on an intentionally cute voice, hamming it up, but Hansol can see a flickering tension in Seungkwanâs jaw, like heâs afraid of the answer.
Hansolâs chest aches a little. Itâs so typical of Seungkwan to ask something serious but expect to be treated like a joke. He canât help but gently prod Seungkwanâs foot again.
âHow much you care about other people,â he says, pushing as much sincerity behind his words as possible. âOr â well. How much you care about me.â
There is a blush worming its way to Hansolâs face, but he determinedly tamps it back. Nothing wrong with being affectionate, he reminds himself. Nothing wrong with caring for someone out loud. Showing a few cards doesnât always mean showing the entire hand.
The tension in Seungkwanâs jaw eases, and surprise again tinges his laugh. âAh,â he says, embarrassed. âThatâs very nice, Vernonie. Whatâs your least favorite thing about me?â
Hansol groans inwardly. The fact that you canât keep yourself from asking questions like this, he thinks. The fact that you hurt yourself without any reason.
âNothing,â Hansol says, deliberately keeping his breathing even, making eye contact, willing himself not to sweat.
The machine doesnât beep. Seungkwanâs smile drops and his lips thin into a line.
âNothing, huh?â he says slowly. âOkay. When was the last time you were mad at me?â
Hansol narrows his eyes, recognizing the tone. Theyâre always mad at each other in a thirteen-person group. Petty grievances and small arguments erupt literally every day. He probably cursed Seungkwan out in his head as recently as two days ago. But itâs the principle of the thing â Seungkwan is trying to get him to say something mean, and Hansol doesnât like that.
âCanât remember,â Hansol says, smiling benignly.
Seungkwan flexes his knee, like he wants to stamp his foot.
The machine keeps going, no indication that anything is amiss. Hansol cocks an eyebrow.
âVernon,â Seungkwan says sternly, folding his arms, âDo you love me?â
And Hansol, not aware this was a rhetorical lead-in to another question, and still determined to hold out on telling the truth, says: âNo.â
The machine stutters, jumps, and so does Seungkwan, perhaps shocked by the sheer rudeness of saying something like that on camera.
âOh,â he says, a frown flirting with the tips of his mouth. âI know thatâs a lie, Vernon-ah, even without the staff to tell me so.â The right? goes unsaid, but not unheard. Not to Hansol.
Hansol ducks his head. âSorry, Seungkwan,â he says. Contrite. âI was just joking.â
They both know Hansol doesnât joke about things like that. It feels stilted, awkward. Trying to evade Seungkwanâs self-deprecating goading has led Hansol unintentionally to the same outcome: hurting him.
And that wonât do.
Hansol has a lot of moral codes and evolving feelings about what he should or shouldnât share just because others ask him to, but his feelings for Seungkwan are never going to be something worth playing this close to the vest. Not when thereâs the risk that Seungkwan could ever believe the lie is true.
âI do love you,â Hansol says after a moment, because Seungkwan is starting to put that idol face back on, and if Hansol doesnât do something now, this moment will fester in Seungkwanâs head for days after, until itâs just another anecdote for another variety show, told so many times it becomes a punchline, regardless of the needles of hurt still stuck to it.
The camera operator comes closer, and Hansol lets himself sweat, just a bit.
âI love you,â Hansol repeats. âYouâre my best friend and the person who cares for me the most. Even when Iâm mad at you, Iâm thankful for you. And even when there are things you do that I donât always, uh, appreciate, thereâs nothing you are that I could ever dislike. I donât always show it well, Seungkwan-ah, but.â
He taps his fingers on Seungkwanâs hand and looks at him head-on.
âI love you,â he says, once again, firmly, quietly, without reserve.
Thereâs quiet for a moment, just the sound of the machine scribbling without interruption, the shuffle and coughs of the camera operators and PD-nim.
And then Seungkwan smiles, a small, private, real smile.
âI love you, too,â he says, shy and small, and it feels like sunlight pouring down Hansolâs back when Suengkwan turns his hand over under Hansolâs and intertwines their fingers.
|
A fact is a complex thing: known, or proven to be true.
Is Hansolâs love for Seungkwan a fact? To Hansol, who is aware everyday of its existence, the way it burns a small undeniable hole in the center of his chest, yes.
To Seungkwan, who loves in words dripping with emotion, tender touches, small acts of service â not always.
So just as Seungkwan helped dig the foundations of Hansolâs evolution into the man he is now, Hansol lets Seungkwan be the catalyst for change once again.
|
âWhatâs this?â Seungkwan asks, looking down at the box in hand.
Hansol shrugs. âHad an idea,â he says, grabbing Seungkwanâs Americano for a sip. âWanted to give you something.â
Itâs a â well. Itâs what Minghao calls a Gesture. Not that Minghao is an expert or anything, but heâs pretty much one of the few hyungs that Hansol trusts to offer advice that has a chance of being both meaningful and practical. And apparently, for something like this, words are not enough.
So, here he is. With a Gesture.
Seungkwan opens the box with typical eagerness; he adores presents, and usually he and Mingyu are the only ones who really bother exchanging them. Hansol used to think it was because they both like things â an appreciation for the latest trends and coolest gadgets to make life easier. But that was stupid. Seungkwan and Mingyu are similar in another major way: their capacity, and desire, for love.
Hansol considers that Seungkwan just likes to confirm heâs being thought of when someone picks out and then gives him a gift. The evidence of being known.
Well. Hansol has spent the last decade learning this boy, from every micro expression to every giant dream. If thereâs anything he knows, itâs Seungkwan.
The box opens, and Seungkwanâs eyes glow.
âWhatâs this?â he asks, holding up the delicate chain. Itâs a glimmering white gold to match the way Seungkwanâs skintone melts from pale white to sun-kissed pink through the seasons. At the end of the necklace is a bar, which Seungkwan holds up to the light.
Etched into the bar is the polygraph pattern at the exact moment Hansol lied.
âItâs a reminder,â Hansol says. Seungkwanâs fingers are trembling, just a bit. He reaches out to cup Seungkwanâs hands, palms wet from the Americanoâs condensation.
âOf?â Seungkwan is transfixed by the chain, but he sounds confused. Like he knows this is important somehow but canât begin to guess what itâs about. What Hansol is trying to say.
Hansolâs heart squeezes and he takes a fortifying breath.
âOf the fact that I could never lie about loving you.â Hansol takes the necklace from Seungkwan gently when Seungkwanâs hand spasms.
âSometimes I might not tell 100 percent the truth, you know? Because Iâm trying to protect myself, or protect you. Because we ask for honesty when what weâre really doing is testing something that doesnât need to be tested. But Seungkwan, no matter what, when people ask me if I love you â when you ask me if I love you â even if my words arenât perfect, you can see right here: my body doesnât lie.â
Hansol has slipped the necklace around Seungkwanâs neck, fingers lingering at the soft skin of his nape.
Slowly, slowly, Hansol brings his hands to cradle Seungkwanâs cheeks. Tilts Seungkwanâs face up, looks into Seungkwanâs eyes.
âTry me again,â Hansol suggests, pulse beating like boots on the floor, the building thunder of applause in a stadium. âWhat you asked, that day.â
Seungkwanâs eyes are luminous, full of wonder. âDoâŚyou love me?â he asks, voice thin. Almost soundless. His own hands come up to Hansolâs chest, one over his heart.
âYes,â Hansol says, and then kisses him.
|
Many things can be many things. Thereâs no one way of being, no one immutable truth.
But when Hansol looks at the column of Seungkwanâs throat as he tosses his head back to laugh loud and loose, when Seungkwan rubs his hand through Hansolâs hair with an undeniable reverence, when they tangle together in bed, a mirror of their teenage selves, like a prophecy come trueâŚ
This. This, Hansol thinks. This is not a lie.
Re: [FILL] tell me the truth about love
Re: [FILL] tell me the truth about love