Status: Closed
This round has closed. It remains open for fills, comments and remixes, but prompts are no longer accepted.
About
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."
"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
"You kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath"
Calling all readers, lovers of poetry and music, screen and stage. Quote collecters and lyric hoarders, unleash your archive. Each prompt must contain a quote - you can combine them, add commentary, link to articles, and more. Steal from a literary classic, or WeVerse drama. Have fun!
Examples
Minghao + Ocean Vuong
The most beautiful part of your body
is where it's headed. & remember,
loneliness is still time spent
with the world.
Ocean Vuong - night sky with exit wounds
Hoshi/Anyone; "Beauty is terror"
Thinking about these two quotes together and the idea of on/off-stage personas:
"Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful we tremble before it. And what could be more terrifying or beautiful, to the Greeks to to our own, than to lose control completely?" - Donna Tartt, the Secret Histories
"I am calm in everyday life but when I put on my in-ear device and step on stage, I can feel the tension and hear the cheers getting louder as the music gets louder. When the staff tells me it's time to step on stage, I feel something boil inside me. I feel it steaming inside and I think I have to give a burst of something, spill what is inside me." - Hoshi in Hit the Road Ep. 04
Any ship; "It's been so many years"
Hello, hello there, is this Martha?
This is old Tom Frost
And I am calling long distance
Don't worry 'bout the cost.
'Cause it's been forty years or more
Now Martha please recall
Meet me out for coffee
Where we'll talk about it all.
Tom Watts - Martha
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Filling
- Reply to the original prompt;
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Remixing
- Post as a reply to the fill you are remixing, using the same HTML as above;
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ive got junhui/yanan on the brain
Major Tags: you could take the death literally and i would have nothing bad to say about you but you don't have to
Additional Tags: lovers to enemies ? betrayal ? love gone bad ? passion in the wrong places ?
Do Not Wants: None
Prompt:
[FILL] why does my heart keep hesitating
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: passion at the wrong times
Permission to remix: Yes
***
Yanan swipes his thumb down his feed, idly scrolling through various videos and dance challenges. It gets boring and repetitive after a while, and his brain is screaming for a distraction to break the monotony, but his body is too lazy to get up and do something else.
Then, Junhui messages him:
"Want to get hot pot for dinner?"
---
Junhui's there first, naturally. He waves at Yanan, hoodie pulled up and mask on for anonymity. Yanan could recognize him anywhere, though.
"Next to me," Junhui jokes, patting the space next to him.
"What, going to cuddle me like your girlfriend?" Yanan says drily, sliding into the proffered booth seat.
"Obviously," Junhui giggles. Yanan rolls his eyes theatrically, mostly at himself for the way Junhui's innocent flirting makes his heart skip a beat.
Junhui was always good at making him feel the things he shouldn't. He accepts easily when Junhui offers to buy a bottle or two of soju to accompany the meal.
It's a relief slipping into Mandarin, alcohol loosening his tongue and thoughts, and the hot pot helps soothe some of the homesick ache, too. It comes in waves these days.
The easy banter, the delicious food. It warms his insides in more ways than one. Yanan almost resents the way Junhui gives love so easily, because it's so tempting to just let go and give it back.
"Hey, hey, open up," Junhui jokes, pink-cheeked and clearly tipsy, chopsticks holding a large piece of meat he just swirled in the sour-spicy red broth. "You're my girlfriend today so I gotta take care of you."
Yanan rolls his eyes but obliges, opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue to catch the dripping juices. Junhui jerks a little as if startled, and almost drops the meat on Yanan's lap. "Ah! Do it properly if you're going to feed me," Yanan nags, annoyed.
Junhui holds the piece of beef up steadily this time, and Yanan carefully takes it between his teeth, closing his lips around it before chewing slowly. "Ah, mm, it's good," he says, taking more for himself. Weirdly, Junhui doesn't offer to feed him for the rest of the night.
---
Yanan shivers as Junhui breathes warmly into his ear, mumbling something under his breath.
"Hey, what's your door code?" He nudges Junhui, who mumbles out four numbers, and Yanan punches them in clumsily, still balancing a half-conscious beanstalk against his side. It's fortunate he's tall as well, otherwise he might have had a lot more trouble.
Getting Junhui inside and carefully laying him onto the couch isn't too hard. It's just that when he finally does, Junhui suddenly grabs his shirt suddenly and yanks him down as well, giggling all the while. Yanan shivers as Junhui slides one long calf along the back of his own, pulling him in closer. Yanan's hands are fisted into the couch cushions, elbows locked, trying to keep their bodies separate.
"Yan... an..." Junhui says, breathily, "C'mon. You look tastier than hot pot right now. I could eat you up." Junhui's sleepy-lidded eyes are glazed with lust and liquor. He playfully bites at the air in between them, teeth clicking.
Yanan grits his teeth, tamping down the fluttering hope in his chest. "Why are you only like this while you're drunk?" he mutters.
Junhui doesn't hear, instead pouting at Yanan's resistance. "Yanan, don't leave me here all cold, be my space heater," Junhui purrs, smoothly slipping his hands underneath Yanan's sweatshirt.
Yanan flinches away from Junhui's fingertips starting to explore his chest, untangling himself from Junhui's legs and pushing himself off the couch. "Ah! That's not how to get warm!" Yanan grabs a blanket from the back of the couch and tosses it over Junhui. "Go to sleep, I'll see you later."
Yanan isn't sure whether to be grateful that only Junhui's light snoring answers him as he lets himself out of the apartment.
---
"I had fun, Yanan~" The text comes in the next morning, filled with hearts and blushing emojis. "Thanks for going out with me. Let's do it again next week!"
As always, Yanan knows Junhui doesn't remember a thing.
Yanan throws his head back against the sofa cushion, and hates himself for immediately replying, "Sure."
Re: [FILL] why does my heart keep hesitating
[FILL] your dreams in your hands
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: Passion and love at the wrong times. Set in a canon where Yanan (and Pentagon) see a lot more success.
Permission to remix: Yes
"Who the fuck dubbed him?" Minghao blurts out the moment Yanan's character speaks onscreen.
"Same guy who did Zhao-zhao apparently," Jun answers, still half-asleep, his head lolling on the head of the couch in their dorm.
To the untrained ear—rather to anyone who hadn't heard Yanan speak in actual person—it sounded like him enough. Inflection was intentional which meant it was off, because the last time Minghao had heard Yanan speak, it was on stage; he'd given the acceptance speech on behalf of Pentagon in Mandarin for an award show. Even through the courteous professionalism, he sounded perfectly happy. It'd been so late in the game for them; Yanan was in Korea for the stage and award acceptance, and in a few days he'd dipped back to Beijing for another drama casting.
The web drama they're watching right now is something long overdue, to Minghao. Jun has watched it twice since its release earlier in the spring. To the untrained eye, that isn't anything new—Jun folded himself comfortably in front of their flat screen whenever some of them turned it on to view some variety episode any of his acquaintances and friends guested on. But Minghao notices that Jun isn't really watching anymore, probably hasn't been this whole time.
Chao Yin Zhan Ji didn't really have a high viewer rating in the first place. It was a friendly competitive show, a competitive show of stage collaboration that was meant to consist of a balanced roster of musicians and performers, except no one really gave a shit about the idols that were on it. Zhou Zhennan was the exception because he'd come in first place.
The irony of it was nearly forgotten about because Zhennan had considered pairing up with either Jun or Yanan somewhere, though he'd never said that in front of the cameras for the talking head segments.
"You're pitting them against each other? Seems brave," Samuel commented in Korean thoughtfully, which Minghao faltered to translate for Zhou Zhennan because he was already responding in English, "They both have the same type of voices; it's a competition." Also, because you don't go through hell and back retaining what you'd learned as a foreign trainee in JYP for a few years; Jun ran down Zhou Zhennan's idol resume for Minghao on the way to Beijing. Minghao had considered earlier on that maybe he'd get to know Zhennan better.
Meanwhile, Jun's strategy was entirely different.
"That's not a strategy," Minghao said. "Yanan doesn't have a clue as to what he's doing."
"I think the audience might see the charm with two bumbling performers willing to grow, right?" Jun shrugged, padding around barefoot in the dead of the night after the camera crew left and Wu Jiacheng finally called it a day and left their room. "Now, if I don't find my phone to make a call, I'll be screwed for real."
"Woozi-hyung is a good strategy. I'll take back what I said," Minghao said, throwing him his phone.
They'd been good for their first performance. It was theatrics—gave them space to play around in, in a sandbox they liked. Yanan had already made his decision to step out of the show then, and Minghao only knows because he'd stumbled upon him and Wu Jiacheng's smoke break.
"Jun already knows," Yanan said, holding Minghao's gaze when he opened his mouth to say something.
"Ah. Good, then," was all Minghao could say, then, "We're with you on this, man."
Yanan didn't smile back. "I'll announce it, properly." Formally, he means.
The scene edited was the most moving thing on the entire show yet. Jun, for all his enthusiasm and loud-mouthed outward exterior of being carefree, took things in good stride while Yanan spoke carefully, softly. His decisiveness was admirable, and Jun's kindness shone through. Nothing about that part was staged.
Yanan used to drop by the studio room when they had time to mess around and gather together after filming takes. Whenever Jun laughed, Yanan just couldn't stop looking at him, something pensive in his expression.
"You're conflicted," Jun spelled out for Minghao, eyes wide that made Minghao feel like he was 12 years old and being talked down. Jun was older, but still, and that had never really mattered anyway.
"Conflicted about whatever you're thinking about doing now we're in China," Minghao says. Yanan had been there filming for another drama that had seen moderate success which, for an idol actor, was success huge enough in China. He'd be heading back to Seoul in a few weeks.
"Just two long-time brothers, meeting up for old times' sake because—why not. You think paparazzi will want to get a load of that?" Jun counters, patiently.
"I hate you both," Minghao deadpans, and Jun is already puckering his mouth with a light smack of his lips through video call, separated one wall away during their quarantine in their Beijing hotel.
During the filming of Chao Yin Zhan Ji, Jun had been—there was no other way to put it—sticky. He'd looked up at Yanan with something that felt like sugar melted between teeth, unmistakeable, palpable enough to potentially churn a stomach after too much cake. After that, Yanan had kept true to his word, and hung out a bit when he'd gotten back to Seoul, for the better longer period when he'd said he would stop worrying people around him. Minghao had thought nothing of it at first—but Jun had dragged him along in place of Qian Kun, who'd turned down his invitation to hang out with a few friends, being holed up for the millionth time in SM's studios. And well—the moment Minghao saw the look on Yanan's face when his eyes found Jun at their haidilao table, Minghao almost spat out his beer.
"There's nothing between us," Jun announces around a mouthful of pork ribs, apropos of nothing beside Minghao in their hotel room, a month into their time back in China. Minghao had eaten enough; he can barely move.
"What," Minghao says.
"Me and Yanan."
"Mmm," Minghao just responds cleverly, brain catching up through the post-food haze. Usually, he could only ever eat ths much if it was with his mother. That was exactly how he uploaded douyins of them together, not that he complained much. "You guys are done? Why?"
"It was just...a bad idea in the first place," Jun settles on, with a small frown on his sharp features.
It was easy enough to understand, all things considered: Yanan's first webdrama had garnered him enough of a fanbase to catapult him to getting more roles. His members joked once on a live to follow the group's official Weibo account, not just Yanan's. It was nothing short of a miracle to people who weren't fans, that Yanan was coming back to Korea each and every time Pentagon had a comeback to record for it but that was definitely one of the things Jun shared with him in innate understanding. Shinwon and Kino spoke about Yanan the way Seventeen spoke about Jun and Minghao now that they're abroad. You kind of just don't really forget about the people who helped raised you and corrected you for fluency.
XCSS as a label was just as good as their Korean counterpart for keeping their artistes' private lives and relationships on a tight leash, but Jun's reasons were casual enough: it didn't make sense to keep it up, Yanan couldn't afford to keep taking risks like that, and well—Jun's career in China needed to take off again after years of being out of it. Either way, he's taking it well. Maybe he really was good enough an actor as he hopes to show.
"You know, he might not say yes to the casting. Noise marketing, and all that," Jun says, scrolling through his phone. There was this variety show that had decent ratings and coverage, that Jun and Minghao were invited to. Of course it'd been spread over the Internet that Pentagon's Yan An, could be guesting as well.
"He hasn't told you," Minghao says.
"Ah. No."
"How often do you still talk?"
Jun glances at him then. "Often."
Yanan on the show feels a little bit like talking to stiff cardboard in between the dead air during filming, for someone unused to variety and coming on alone.
Minghao being bound at the hip with Jun by company decision for these things, would have never been able to stop him from making his own decisions.
"Talk as in, you were still sleeping with him?" Minghao finally asks, over a glass of wine later on in a small night bar a few days later. Their new manager is out of earshot, trying to order himself something off the menu at the bar to keep himself awake to be able to drive later.
Jun doesn't even need alcohol to be honest. "I know I shouldn't."
"Jesus Christ." People around them had always known, but the tense is what does it. "Still?"
"It was a mistake."
"What the fuck."
"I said—"
"Exactly. So stop." Jun continues to frown over his glass. "You can't keep doing this."
Jun rubs the spot between his brows, shoulders deflated. "You've seen the all the movies, right? The ones you can't forget." The ones that didn't really make you cry but stayed with people long enough through generations with big names behind them. No one could really make movies about two male leads anymore, and have it screen for award nominations. People like Wang Yibo got lucky in a whirlwind of just two years for his shot at superstar fame. "They don't tell you all the good parts about the people you really like. Just the endings," Jun says, unusually calm. It only reminds Minghao that Jun really is older, if only by a year. But still. "I know it'll stop soon. It has to."
Until then—Minghao downs the rest of his wine. "You're brave."
"You're being nice now?"
"Well, stupid," Minghao finishes, raising his hand for the tab.
The next time Yanan's name makes rounds on the Internet, it's next to a girl's name. A small-time actress who'd emerged onto the scene and saw decent praise for her performance as the female lead to Yanan's character on a heart-wrenching coming of age movie. The news of their rumoured relationship was released days before the award show in Korea. When Yanan stepped down with the rest of his group off the stage after Pentagon's acceptance speech, he kept his eyes ahead of him.
Re: [FILL] your dreams in your hands
I love the small details about their mundane, which make it all so real. Smoke breaks, the dead air between filming, haidilao, Wang Yibo and the BL market. It's completely believable that they would read ZZN's idol resume in transit, or think about strategies for CYZJ, but it's my first time reading and thinking about that, so thank you.
But most of all, I love the relationship and the dynamics, about how at the end of the day, they are all idols with a public image in a conservative society. How some versions of happiness have to give way. The way Jun and Minghao /knows/ each other, how their friendship is so deep here, and the Jun/Yanan is so complicated. But Minghao knows with a Look. How Yanan can't stop looking at Jun when he laughs, or how Jun's face becomes sugary sweet, and finally, how Minghao understands even if he doesn't approve ;____; thank you, I really enjoyed reading this.
Re: [FILL] your dreams in your hands
Re: [FILL] your dreams in your hands
now you are making me think of the episode when [redacted] left and jun went up to hold minghao's hand while it all went down even as Minghao said "don't worry I'm fine, I respect his decision but what do we do now?" -- honestly felt like Minghao was on the verge of tears then and he was being tough to push it down and jun can read that, he knows.
minghao being a very head over heart person and having just as big of a heart especially when it comes to loyalty, and jun preferring to go with the flow and take things as it happens, being the social butterfly that he is. -- yeah yeah yeah!! completely agree, and I've actually never thought of that one point, of Minghao being head>heart but unavoidably a heart person too ;___; the conflict will be delicious to write, I must jot this down and come back to it...
thank you for coming back to that point about conservative society -- I can't call myself a lover of blatant angst, but I find myself loving idolverse angst and I think it's because it makes the story feel real. By grounding it in facts, the story becomes more raw, closer to them. It's strange to admit bc it's all fanfiction but, it becomes closer to the heart? Like I could reflect it onto myself and the tough choices I had to make. Would love to pick your brain about Yanan as well! and how his characterisation/persona fits into JunHao <3
Re: [FILL] your dreams in your hands
i've always thought of xmh as very shrewd, and someone who seems almost careful when it comes to his relationships with others. he strikes me as someone that would pick his close friends carefully fsr, and is very realistic and opinionated, + his hobbies are pretty suggestive of a big dreamer in personality which i just read as him tending to be emotionally intense--like it's not repressed at all, i don't think?? he lets himself feel, which in itself can be its own problem lol.
i think idolverse angst can be so good when handled carefully in a way that works, depending on the story; too much and it can come off too heavy and it might not be as immersive anymore, and too light, well i love some stories that can feel a little Too Real, enough that it isn't light-hearted enough to make us think or draw reflections onto ourselves as people, like you said.
yanan is a strange guy to me lol, admittedly he didn't strike me as anyone completely noteworthy or interesting on cyzj, but i vaguely started keeping up with pentagon late last year, was drawn to them ironically because they shared similarities to svt in terms of their dynamics having a lot of clear obvious warmth and comfort in them for a group so big. yanan's bond to his members in pentagon feels very reminiscent of jun and minghao's bonds to seventeen, so i feel like this is something junhao and him have in common and have in understanding every time they mention their respective members on lives. yanan in 2018 went through rough times what with his hiatus due to health, but now that he's back and better, he's free to be a little crazy in such a gleeful way. makes me wonder about the potential disaster that would happen if junan were put in a room together again now--they're two weirdos and minghao is the normal one, almost. when i came across this prompt and op's suggested pairing of junan, i thought about "passion/love in the wrong times" and sort of attributed it to them being very close and seemingly just clicking effortlessly into jun being his most unabashed, unrestrained self towards yanan, the kind of way that minghao can only look on and observe, albeit warily lol.
Re: [FILL] your dreams in your hands
Minghao has mellowed out and matured since then, but I think 2018 was a period of learning how to deal with Fame. I think his doodle diary choreography also links to this era (especially Falling and the Ellish one), and the Minghao we see now is one that developed after self-reflection and realising what worked.
thank you for the down-low on yanan *___* had no idea he had an unhinged side to him too (still remember wu jiacheng imitating yanan spacing out, sitting on the floor, drawing circles on his knee haha). This sounds like exactly the behaviour Jun would enable, like if you put then together in a room the energies would just multiply and Minghao would be helpless to stop it happening. But despite Jun being also a little bratty, he's self-conscious, and now I wonder if Yanan can bring Jun out of his self-reservations.
(++ thank you for explaining how this fic came to me, that's super interesting)