2022 Round 1: Quotes

[hwarium]

Status: Closed This round has closed. It remains open for fills, comments and remixes, but prompts are no longer accepted. Seventeen Holidays Round 1: Quotes About "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." "What is grief, if not love persevering?" "You kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath" Calling all readers, lovers of poetry and music, screen and stage. Quote collecters and lyric hoarders, unleash your archive. Each prompt must contain a quote - you can combine them, add commentary, link to articles, and more. Steal from a literary classic, or WeVerse drama. Have fun! Examples Minghao + Ocean Vuong The most beautiful part of your body is where it's headed. & remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world. Ocean Vuong - night sky with exit wounds Hoshi/Anyone; "Beauty is terror" Thinking about these two quotes together and the idea of on/off-stage personas: "Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful we tremble before it. And what could be more terrifying or beautiful, to the Greeks to to our own, than to lose control completely?" - Donna Tartt, the Secret Histories "I am calm in everyday life but when I put on my in-ear device and step on stage, I can feel the tension and hear the cheers getting louder as the music gets louder. When the staff tells me it's time to step on stage, I feel something boil inside me. I feel it steaming inside and I think I have to give a burst of something, spill what is inside me." - Hoshi in Hit the Road Ep. 04 Any ship; "It's been so many years" Hello, hello there, is this Martha? This is old Tom Frost And I am calling long distance Don't worry 'bout the cost. 'Cause it's been forty years or more Now Martha please recall Meet me out for coffee Where we'll talk about it all. Tom Watts - Martha Rules Sign up is not required. Fills have a minimum of 400 words for prose, haiku-length for poetry (3 lines), and 400px by 400px for art (memes are also art). Other mediums are fine too! There is no maximum cap. Tag and provide content warnings at your discretion, but a good guide are the Ao3 four (Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage) and this list of common CWs (cr: SportsFest). NSFW/Explicit content should be tagged NSFW art should not be visible, please provide a link and a warning. You may crop the artwork and embed a SFW preview. How it works Prompting Click on [Post a New Comment] at the bottom of this post; Change the subject to something interesting; Copy+Paste the following HTML into your comment and edit the sections. Feel free to add as much detail as you want! <strong>Ship/Member:</strong> Any <strong>Major Tags:</strong> N/A <strong>Additional Tags:</strong> N/A <strong>Do Not Wants:</strong> None <strong>Prompt:</strong> <blockquote>[QUOTE GOES HERE] </blockquote> Filling Reply to the original prompt; Change the subject to [FILL], you may add a title or stay chaotic; Copy+Paste the following HTML into your comment, edit the sections, and add your text. You may also upload your fill to the AO3 Collection. <strong>Ship/Member:</strong> Any <strong>Major Tags:</strong> N/A <strong>Additional Tags:</strong> N/A <strong>Permission to remix:</strong> Yes/No/Please ask *** Remixing Post as a reply to the fill you are remixing, using the same HTML as above; Change the subject to [REMIX]. Art/media Upload your work to any platform (twitter, imgur, youtube, soundcloud, google maps, etc.) Using the same HTML code as above, copy the link into your fill or remix. That's it! Optionally, you can embed a picture into your comment. Please use the following code instead. (To explain, the HTML resizes your picture to 400x400px so that it fits on most screens. Users can view the full size if they click on it. You can also add a link to your work on twitter so that others can share it, or to any other website you want) <strong>Ship/Member:</strong> Any <strong>Major Tags:</strong> N/A <strong>Additional Tags:</strong> N/A <strong>Permission to remix:</strong> Yes/No/Please ask *** <img src="INSERT IMAGE URL" width="400px"> <a href="INSERT ANY URL YOU WANT">TEXT THAT DESCRIBES THE LINK</a> Note! On dreamwidth, you can't edit a comment once someone has replied to it. Navigation ABOUT DATES FAQ BAITS ✧ FILLS ✧ ❮ ROUND 1: QUOTES ❯ ROUND 2: ALTERNATE UNIVERSES ROUND 3: LAST WORDS

Comments

your one untidy body.

[notspring]

Ship/Member: any, minghao/any
Major Tags: wading into the water and then climbing back out
Additional Tags: the warmth of another person's hands
Do Not Wants: none

Prompt:

I’m wilting in this heat like blossom.

I’m turning the corner

to another accident and emergency.

I could hurt myself but I probably won’t.

— phoebe stuckes

Do not run towards pain, do not run into pain, do not destroy yourself again,

— anaïs nin

What I want from the river is what I always want: / to be held by a stronger thing that, in the end, chooses mercy.

— oliver baez bendorf

Re: [FILL] wooahae

[seokmin_liker]

EEEEEEEEEEEE

intimacy is truth

[infrequencies]

Ship/Member: Any
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: N/A
Do Not Wants: None

Prompt:

When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is "You're safe with me"-that's intimacy.

[FILL] earth eats away at itself

[amoteamame]

Ship/Member: joshua/minghao
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: references to past trauma?
Permission to remix: yes

***

“What do you like?”

Minghao presses his lips to a spot just under Joshua’s ear; slow, deliberate.

“Anything you want,” Joshua says, breathy. It’s a line he’s used over and over again. Minghao huffs, amused. The sudden puff of air is hot on his neck.

“You don’t have to do that,” Minghao says, drawing back enough to kiss his jaw, his throat, and then repeats, “What do you like?”

Minghao looks at him then, one hand cupping Joshua’s jaw. He drags his thumb up over the shape of his chin, presses the soft pad of it into Joshua’s bottom lip.

“I want you to fuck me,” Joshua says, watching for the shift in Minghao’s expression. He’s hoping for hunger. He gets a smile - a sweet one, out of place.

“I figured,” Minghao says, not unkindly, “Tell me how you wanna be touched. I want to make you feel good.”

Joshua is good at this part, usually. Some guys are only looking for someone they can toss around. Someone to make them feel big. Some guys want him shy, blushing. The way they talk to him, the way they touch him - there’s always something to give it away.

Minghao hovers above him, patient. He seems content to explore Joshua’s skin with his thumb, the pad of it now a little wet from his lips. Even the way he holds his body is languid and easy, as if it doesn’t matter how long this takes or where it goes. Joshua has no idea what Minghao wants him to say.

“I don’t want you to ask me,” Joshua says, and it comes out wrong, he knows it comes out wrong. Minghao is already pulling away, the warm weight of him shifting back, and there’s a little spike of panic in Joshua’s chest. “Wait, wait. Do you want me on my stomach?”

It’s too fast, it’s fucking weird; Joshua bites his lip and lays a hand flat on Minghao’s chest, looks up at him like he’s embarrassed. He hopes Minghao reads it as desperate, needy. There’s an odd pinch to Minghao’s eyes, and Joshua doesn’t know how he’s fucking it up this fast. How he’s fucking it up at all.

“Do you wanna be on your stomach?” Minghao asks, voice slow. Joshua does, honestly - he wants his face pressed into the pillow, he wants Minghao to do what he’s supposed to do. He wants Minghao to stop looking at him. He wants Minghao’s hand heavy on the back of his neck.

“Yeah, please,” Joshua says, eyes hooded. He lets his voice drop low, a little whine on the please. He hopes desperately that Minghao doesn’t ask him another question. He’s already guessing as it is - he can’t seem to find the angle, how Minghao wants him to be.

“Okay. We can do that,” Minghao says, making no move to let Joshua roll over, “But I wanna take it a little slower for now. Is that-” is that okay, Joshua’s mind supplies, while Minghao visibly changes tack, “That’s what I wanna do.”

Joshua nods, not trusting himself to say anything he could predict Minghao’s reaction to. He thinks it might be the way Minghao kisses that’s thrown him off so much. It feels like the end itself and not the means; the way Minghao holds the back of his head, the way he takes his time with every kiss. It keeps Joshua grounded there, so he can’t disappear into the feeling and come back later; sore, accomplished. It means he can’t do it right.

“Let’s try this,” Minghao says, between kisses, his weight settling back between Joshua’s thighs, “If I do something you like, tap my shoulder.”

Which is - definitely fucking weird, and probably a technique Minghao learned on a meditation app, but if Minghao needs feedback to get off, Joshua can do that.

Minghao seems to see something in Joshua’s face, though, because he adds, “Only if it’s really good,” he kisses with teeth, bites down on Joshua’s bottom lip, “Only if I make your toes curl, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Joshua agrees, breathless without even meaning to be. The sweet smile is back on Minghao's face; Joshua doesn't know what to make of it. He keeps quiet. He doesn’t close his eyes.

Re: [FILL] earth eats away at itself

[infrequencies]

oh my gosh. this is so... the way you've written joshua's discomfort is so hard to swallow in the best way. wow. wowowow.

I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night

[slytherminie]

Ship/Member: Any, Jeonghan
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: N/A
Do Not Wants: None

Prompt:

Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware
But I'd rather be a real nightmare, than die unaware, yeah
Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware
But I'm glad to be a real nightmare, so save me your prayers

— Halsey, Nightmare

[slytherminie]

Ship/Member: Any
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: finding yourself after a relationship ends, self love
Do Not Wants: None

Prompt:

Find your lost self, find it now
Your color, your scent
I like me better now
The flowers just bloom in different seasons
It’s your time now, I look forward to it
Your color, your scent
I like me better now
Better now

— Gfriend, Better me

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn't like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turn the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn't get this song
But I do, I do

— Taylor Swift, Begin Again

[FILL] right where you left me

[(Anonymous)]

Ship/Member: Seokmin/Minghao
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: getting back together, childhood friends, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, small town vibes
Permission to remix: Yes

***
Seokmin sees him first.

Eclipsed between the aisles, Minghao wrapped in a long scarf rifling through the boxed teas. He watches him take his pick and come down the aisle towards him and feels tacky all the sudden, skin prickling with nerves and discomfort, like he might sweat through his uniform despite the overhead AC pumping cold, dry air all around him.

When Minghao meets his eyes, Seokmin is trapped under the weight of his gaze—surprise, brows rising and eyes widening at the sight of him, then briefest look of anger before his face settles into a guarded blankness. It takes all of Seokmin not to run, to keep his shoes planted on the tiled floors and to spout his customer service spiel.

He hefts his basket wordlessly onto the checkout counter. They carefully avoid looking at each other.

Before Seokmin can finish bagging his groceries, he blurts out impulsively that his shift is ending shortly, that maybe he and Minghao can catch up over coffee if he’s willing to wait. Minghao just looks at him and Seokmin gears himself up for his rejection, but then Minghao looks away and tells him to meet him at an uptown café that Seokmin’s familiar with.
***
He starts after a tense pause. “I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Yeah, just for the weekend.” Minghao nods, not quite looking at him still. “You won’t have to worry about running into me or anything, I can keep out of your way.” His voice takes on a deprecating lilt, Seokmin feels like it’s meant for the both of them.

Seokmin looks at him now, shocked. “Myungho, that’s not what I want. I was—I wanted for us to stay friends.”

Minghao doesn’t reply, staring through the table with a petulance. So, he tries again.

“I heard you got selected for the exchange program.” Seokmin says. “That’s nice.”

Minghao pauses from where he was mixing his coffee, letting the spoon clatter against the rim. “Why the sudden interest?” he says, mouth pursed in an unhappy line. “I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

Seokmin can’t refute that, not when he just up and left. Submitted a dropout form and begged for Mingyu to take over a box of Minghao’s things from his place back to Minghao’s, then fucked off back home without as much as a notice. Now there’s nothing left but to be honest.

“Look, I just didn’t want you to think that it was anything you did.” Seokmin all but pleads. “Myungho, I was going to lose my scholarship.” His eyes widen at that, nodding and urging for him to go on. “I would have had to move out and lose my allowance, there wasn’t—I didn’t know what to do.”

Seokmin exhales shakily, then looks up and let his eyes catch on Minghao, who’s significantly more sympathetic and is handing him tissues. He hadn’t even noticed the wetness around his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too.” Minghao says, offering his hand across the table and Seokmin meets him halfway, overcome with emotions all the sudden. “You can tell me anything, Seokmin-ah, I’m here now, I’m your friend.”

[infrequencies]

Ship/Member: Any
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: N/A
Do Not Wants: None

Prompt:

What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

Spike, as Angel: You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. And now, I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth.

[FILL]: pretend

[slytherminie]

Ship/Member: Seungcheol/Mingyu, Seungcheol/Jeonghan, Mingyu/Jeonghan, Seungcheol/Jihoon
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: implied sexual content, alcohol, past relationships, lies, manipulation, toxic ex yjh, sleeping with someone just to forget
Permission to remix: Yes

hello anon, i'm not sure this is what you wanted but this is what has been whirring in my mind since i read your prompt, so i hope you enjoy!!
***

The lips that are kissing Seungcheol are too insistent, the hands that are in his hair are too big, the moans filling the room are too deep.

That doesn’t stop him from curling his fingers around the lapels of Mingyu’s jacket, to bring him even closer, their bodies molding together until they don’t know where one ends and the other begins.

It feels wrong - wrong, because Seungcheol isn’t feeling the sparkly excitement in his veins that should come when he’s kissing someone he likes;

wrong, because his head isn’t in the moment, his eyes are closed just to imagine another person sucking lovebites along his neck;

wrong, because there’s a ghost in the room with them, the looming presence of their past sitting in the corner, watching over them, probably laughing at them.

It’s a cruel joke, and the punchline has never really cared about either of them.

It’s easy to fall in Mingyu’s arms, when the younger shows up with tear tracks staining his face and a more pronounced lisp caused by the alcohol in his veins.

“You were right, hyung,” he says, rubbing angrily at his eyes. “I should have listened to you.”

Seungcheol sighs, because he knew this moment would be coming. He knew, when he met Mingyu and Jeonghan hand in hand on the street, Mingyu’s cheeks rosy with happiness, that this moment would come.

Because Jeonghan buries his problems in other people’s bodies, picking at their skin until they’re torn apart, flesh separated from their bones, and then lets them go, bloodied and bruised.

Because Jeonghan likes to pretend, when he’s three fingers deep inside someone, whispering I love yous like prayers against their skin, that he can belong to someone.

That someone can belong to him.

But Jeonghan is Jeonghan, and Mingyu is Mingyu - sweet, kind-hearted Mingyu. It should be easy being with him.

And yet, as Mingyu kisses him, taste of soju on the tip of his tongue and guttural growls at the back of his throat, Seungcheol can’t help but crave another body. He can’t help but want what can’t be his, what was never his to begin with, no matter how he’s lied to himself over time, trying to believe in the lies that Jeonghan fed him.

Mingyu mewls a word that sounds suspiciously like Jeonghan’s name, but Seungcheol isn’t really paying attention, too caught in the moment and his own thoughts about what’s lost and will never come back - about what’s lost, and was never.

Love is a toxin, and Jeonghan has poisoned both of them, with words and gestures that he repeats each time he finds someone new, someone more exciting.

Seungcheol should have listened to Jihoon, and Mingyu should have listened to Seungcheol.

Still, here they are, trying to pretend someone else can feed them the same lies with the calculated indifference that Jeonghan possesses. It can’t work - it has never worked, not when Seungcheol has buried his hurt in Jihoon, and not when Mingyu buries his own in Seungcheol.

But pretend they do.

Re: [FILL] earth eats away at itself

[notspring]

WOW did u know that i love you!!!!!!!!

“I figured,” Minghao says, not unkindly """NOT UNKINDLY""" i'm gonna scream! the hint of condescension here is so delicious. the way minghao is perfectly comfortable and that's what makes josh LESS comfortable because he can't get the upper hand... also delicious!!!

and then there are so many little things that made me feel absolutely insane... “I don’t want you to ask me” and minghao's reaction, the implication that josh usually checks out completely while having sex and this is the first time he hasn't done that, the way he can't figure out what minghao wants from him and can't figure out it's because minghao doesn't actually want something from him at all... minghao giving him a way to say what he wants without saying it... it's all so good and you got so much into such a small snippet, i'm so impressed!! and just in general i like your writing style, it's very clean and you show everything so straightforwardly which i really love.

thank u for filling my prompt so perfectly *ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ i've reread this like six times already today and i KNOW i will be back!!!!!!!!!!!!

[(Anonymous)]

Ship/Member: Seungkwan/Moonbin (ASTRO)
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: unrequited love
Do Not Wants: None

Prompt:

'Cause I can't take the weight of your love

– Lewis Capaldi, Lost on You

Umji: Happy belated birthday to Seungkwan! You said Moonbin was the first person to wish you, did he send it at exactly midnight?

Moonbin: No, I sent it at 12:03

SinB: You’re accurate

Moonbin: We’re like that nowadays. Wait for your turn.

SinB: What’s wrong with you?

– 210120 Umji's Avengirls Radio with 98 line

(the birthday message in question: https://twitter.com/glitteroha/status/1350421172224081922)

[FILL] heliotropism

[seasignals]

Ship/Member: Vernon/Seungkwan
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: generic non-famous AU, ambiguous relationship
Permission to remix: Yes

***
Since Hansol quit smoking, he’s never been sure how to leave the room at parties. He wishes Mingyu had a cat he could follow out into the hallway, but that’s not likely to happen any time soon, so he’s stuck wandering back into the kitchen to refill his drink, which he’s already done a few too many times tonight. He wishes it would take on some kind of softening effect, but instead the alcohol is just throwing some things into too-sharp relief, moments landing too hard and then looping like a scratched record: the explosive burst of Chan’s laughter over the music, Mingyu’s hand on Seungkwan’s knee, Bin’s head on Seungkwan’s shoulder, and Seungkwan’s pleased, flushed face at the center of it all. Everyone turning toward a small sun.

Joshua’s in the kitchen with Jeonghan, talking about whatever it is Joshua and Jeonghan talk about when they’re alone, and he looks a little relieved to have something to distract him when he notices Hansol.

“Drink this,” he says, guiding a glass of water that’s materialized from somewhere into Hansol’s hand. Hansol obeys, though chugging the glass mostly just makes him more aware of how drunk he is.

“You okay?” Joshua asks, eyes crinkling in concern. Hansol considers it. People always tell him he’s hard to read, so if Joshua’s picked up on whatever he thinks he’s picked up on, he must seem pretty miserable.

Which is stupid, because there’s nothing to be miserable about. Just people having a good time, and him running up against the wall, caught in his own head the whole night. He’s spent so much time convinced he can’t be a jealous person — he’s always just let things wash over him. He doesn’t like the possibility that he’s been the possessive type all along and he’s just never had a reason to care enough for it to come out.

But he hasn’t answered Josh. “Everything’s good,” he says, because that’s objectively true: he’s not enough of an asshole to think he deserves Seungkwan’s undivided attention at all times, or that he should be the only one to notice how brilliant and funny and — Well, to notice the things that Seungkwan is. “It’s just kind of,” he shrugs ineloquently.

“The vibes are off?” Joshua asks in English, gently teasing, and he scoffs.

“Bad vibes, sure,” he concedes. “Well, not bad. Could be better. I guess I’m just tired.”

“You’re not the only one,” Jeonghan says, abruptly dropping his polite feigned interest in something on his phone. “I never even wanted to come out tonight, and now Minggoo’s music is giving me a migraine.” Even Hansol’s drunk brain is pretty sure this is one of Jeonghan’s lies—Mingyu’s been playing one of his slow jazz playlists over his expensive new sound system, although maybe that is the kind of music that gives Jeonghan a migraine—but it might be one of his considerate lies. The suspicion is confirmed when he asks, nonchalant, “Want to split a taxi? Your new place is near Sinchon-dong, right?”

Hansol doesn’t like pity, especially pity he doesn’t deserve, even if he’s shamefully grateful for the offer. Jeonghan’s kindness should have stopped seeming unpredictable a while ago, but he’s still taken aback in spite of himself. “Hyung, you don’t have to—” he starts, but Jeonghan cuts in breezily.

“Oh, believe me, I’ve been wanting to go home since I got here, and Joshuji’s been boring me to death—” Joshua subtly fixes his shirt collar with his middle finger. “—And now I’m hearing the vibes are bad. We should get out of here, Hansol-ah.”

Seungkwan catches them in the stairwell, an inexplicable urgency in his face. “Are you going out to smoke?” he demands. In the narrow landing, his voice echoes strangely.

How long has Hansol been this easy to please, delighted just to be able to say that Seungkwan chased after him? “I quit, remember?” he asks. Jeonghan, a few steps down, politely busies himself with his phone again.

Seungkwan pouts, lip jutting out distractingly. “Of course I remember! I just thought you might’ve... un-quit.”

“I appreciate your faith in me,” Hansol says, going for mock-grave but unable to stop himself from smiling. “Nah, I’m just kind of tired and hyung wasn’t feeling great so we decided to head out early.”

“Oh! So you’re not...” Seungkwan glances between him and Jeonghan, something complicated passing his face that Hansol probably couldn’t parse even if he were stone cold sober. He thinks he gets the implication, though, and for some reason feels faintly mortified, even though he’s sure pretty much anyone would be flattered if someone assumed they were going home with Jeonghan in that way. Seungkwan seems to be embarrassed by his own misunderstanding, and quickly calls out, “Hyung! You’re still taking those supplements I gave you?”

“Every day, Kwan-ah,” Jeonghan confirms, sunny, still not looking up from his phone.

As they stand there, ten stairs apart, Hansol can’t shake the feeling that they aren’t so far from — something. If Jeonghan weren’t waiting there pretending to ignore them, or if Hansol hadn’t been so jealous and then been a coward about it... but even sorting through those possibilities, he can’t put a name to what he thinks could be on the other side of it all.

“Well, I’m glad you guys came,” Seungkwan says, as if he were the host, and because he’s Seungkwan he truly does look glad. Hansol wills himself to make this one of the moments that sticks and repeats, Seungkwan’s warm smile and crescent eyes.

“It was good to see you,” he says, which is all wrong, weirdly formal, but he thinks Seungkwan knows what he meant.

Someday, he decides, making it for the first time a promise to himself, he’ll try to put it in all the right words.

Re: [FILL]: The Vampire Lord, and Other Stories

[seasignals]

wow, i love this - the way the apocalypse itself is lingering around the edges, the focus on the mundane and the community, the uncertain hope (இ﹏இ｡)i especially love chan's teacher-isms and his sincerity... and the apink... and that final line is so beautiful, thaaank you for writing this :')

Re: [FILL] reversible reaction

[latespring]

oh wow!!!! this was so wonderfully written, joshua's perspective on what has yet to come, this line in particular ( He'll look at his hyung, his old love, and the only glow will be a reflection off some nearby rearview mirror.) was so good. the way joshua sees through the rosy glow of chan's new love and envies him but also won't tell him anything. thank you for sharing!!

[FILL]: if you quit, i quit

[slytherminie]

Ship/Member: Jeonghan/Joshua
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: idolverse, character study, intrusive thoughts, if you quit i quit
Permission to remix: Yes

could not resist.
***

It was never about cowardice. It was never about the weight of the world over the scrawny shoulders of a teenage boy. It was never about giving up on his dreams, because they were never really his dreams to begin with.

Sure, they became his over time. Nothing beats the rush of adrenaline in his veins when he’s on a stage, bright lights in his eyes; nothing is better than the flavour of fame on the tip of his tongue.

But back then, it wasn’t about that. Back then, when he found Joshua curled up on himself, crying in fear and anxiety, the world didn’t revolve around Seventeen. Back then, Jeonghan didn’t know the taste of his name yelled by a thousand people, in a cacophony that can drown out every beat of his heart.

Back then, it was about Joshua’s broken voice, the “I quit, Jeonghan-ah. I can’t do this anymore.” The salt of his tears, his shaky fingers around Jeonghan’s wrist as if only Jeonghan’s presence at his side could keep him centered.

“If you quit, I quit.”

It was easy to say. It was easy to listen to the voice in his ear, a constant whisper that told him he wasn’t enough, he wasn’t made for fame, for the bright lights.

“You do not want this,” it said, over and over again.

It was about an excuse. It was about taking Joshua’s hands in his, squeezing them, and promising that they’d do this together, be it leaving that world behind or gritting their teeth and pushing through.

It was about Joshua’s eyes, wide, innocent. It was about the way Joshua looked at him, as if he held all the stars in his palms. It was about the feelings curling inside his chest, choking his heart, making it scream in agony every time Joshua’s skin brushed against his own.

They made it, in the end. They chased that glimmer, that flimsy hope for a future made of blinding lights and deafening music, and they made it to the finish line.

The whisper is still there at times, weaker.

“You do not want this,” it repeats at times. “You didn’t want this, to begin with.”

Back then, and even now, it’s always been about Joshua. It’s always been about the smile that spreads on his face when he looks at Jeonghan, the hand that reaches for Jeonghan’s at the end of a concert, circling around his wrist, the arms that hold him at night when he sneaks his way in Joshua’s bed.

It was about wanting to be loved, and fearing of losing the first person that ever showed him what love was all about.

“Why do you need love so badly?” The voice used to ask, dark, mean.

It’s still about wanting to be loved, even if now the love comes from different directions; his family, the fans, the members.

“Why do you need love so badly?” The voice still asks at times, in the deepest hours of the night, when anxiety grips his heart with clawed fingers.

But when he lies down in Joshua’s bed and rests his head over his chest, the voice gets drowned out by the loud beating of Joshua’s heart.

It’s still about wanting to be loved, but there’s no need to chase that love anymore, because it sleeps right next to him.

Re: [FILL] in something greater

[seasignals]

wait i LOVE this... you fit such a sweet exploration of home and alienation (lol) in such a perfect little package :'') rip to woodz's phone tho </3

Re: [FILL] i have never seen an Always

[seasignals]

omo i swear i did not mean to take this long to comment on this, my computer chose the worst week to have issues (༎ຶ _｣ ༎ຶ )

this is so perfect and heartbreaking oof THAT CONCLUSION (insert even harder crying emoticon, i don't have one on hand). "I'll carry it for you." oooough, seokmin... this is executed so delicately and deftly, thank you so much for writing.

Re: [FILL] heavy is the head

[fleurissons]

wow this right here: He knows, if Seungcheol ever does fall, Jeonghan won’t let him rest alone. He will go to his grave, claw at the dirt with his own fingers, and settle next to Seungcheol’s body.... so tightly packed and delivered the punch right to my gut. thank you this is absolutely gorgeous!!

Re: [FILL] right where you left me

[(Anonymous)]

oh this hurt but it was also so nice T__T thank you so much for writing & sharing this!!

Re: [FILL] i (dis)like you

[reddfires]

!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is one of the first seokgyu works i've read and this is SO GOOD please i want to cry !! the way you capture their dynamics and the complexity of it and just!! AAA this is so so good im sorry i cant express well just how much i love this fill!!! T__T

[FILL] don't read the last page, but—

[notspring]

Ship/Member: seungkwan/vernon
Major Tags: new year’s day
Additional Tags: none
Permission to remix: yes

When Mingyu invited Seungkwan to the party, Seungkwan wanted to turn him down. The idea of ringing in the new year alone on the couch in his single apartment was pretty bleak, sure, but the idea of ringing in the new year alone surrounded by couples in Mingyu’s perfectly decorated apartment didn’t sound much better. Seungkwan’s been dreading it since Mingyu sent him the invitation, and at — Seungkwan pauses to check his phone — twenty-seven minutes until midnight, it’s exactly as bad as he feared.

Seungkwan doesn’t begrudge Mingyu his happiness. What kind of friend would that make him? It’s just that he’s used to having Mingyu to himself at this time of year, fresh from the inevitable breakup just before Christmas that always leaves Mingyu sullen and moping right through til January.

But this year’s breakup never happened. Mingyu and Minghao are still going strong, have been since June. The last time Seungkwan braved the living room they were slow dancing, Minghao’s cheek pillowed on Mingyu’s shoulder as Mingyu held him tight. Everyone else was talking so loudly that there’s no way they could hear the music, but it was clear that didn’t matter. The two of them were in their own little world.

It seemed nice, Seungkwan had thought, with only the slightest sour edge. It’s not like he’d know, after all, not when he’s lived his entire adult life as the single friend. Successful in everything but love! Soonyoung’s always saying — yelling — with a teasing grin, and what little humour Seungkwan could find in it five years ago has long since disappeared.

It’s not like Soonyoung’s totally wrong, is the thing. Seungkwan is successful in almost everything. He has a great job, great friends. A cute dog. He talks to his mom every day, and his sister lives in an apartment building five minutes away from his. He has a lot to be thankful for. Every time Mingyu gets buzzed he asks Seungkwan if he’s okay, really, eyes wide and concerned as he leans into Seungkwan’s space. Every time he does it Seungkwan pushes him back, a smile on his face as he reassures Mingyu that he’s doing just fine.

It’s not a total lie, but it’s not the truth either.

Seungkwan checks his phone again — twenty-one minutes until midnight — and sighs. He’s usually better about this. He usually finds someone to talk to, flawlessly pulls off the role of graceful party guest until he can make a quick escape. But it’s just that it’s been a long year. It’s been a long year and he’s tired of it.

Eleven minutes til midnight.

Fuck it. Seungkwan’s just going to go, he decides. His wallet is still in his pocket with his phone. Everyone else is distracted, the murmur of voices and laughter a warm, steady hum suffused through the apartment. Mingyu and Minghao are already kissing, completely in their own world. They didn’t even make it until midnight.

Seungkwan drifts past all of them to get to the entryway, digging out his padded coat from the pile by the door.

No one stops him.

Seungkwan shrugs it on and slips into his shoes and no one stops him then, either, but when he opens the door to step out into the hallway the door collides with a soft body before it opens all the way.

“Oof,” says a deep voice.

“Oh god,” Seungkwan blurts out, shaken from his daze as he reaches for the other person on instinct. It’s a man, he realizes, taller than him, and steady on his feet even without Seungkwan’s hands on his forearms. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” the man says, smiling easily. “Were you getting ready to leave?”

Yes, Seungkwan opens his mouth to say, but —

“No,” is what comes out of his mouth, somehow. “I was just running out for some snacks,” he adds, but the man’s mouth twists into a disbelieving little smile.

“At 11:52?”

Seungkwan huffs, his cheeks flushing pink. He should be annoyed, honestly. He doesn’t know this man at all — what does he care if Seungkwan wants to make a snack run at 11:45 on New Year’s Eve? It isn’t this person’s business at all.

But when Seungkwan opens his mouth to snap it betrays him again.

“Maybe I was coming to find you,” he says instead, and the other man’s smile turns even more bemused.

“Do you even know my name?”

“I was hoping to ask you for it.”

Seungkwan’s cheeks are burning even before he’s gotten the words out of his mouth — he doesn’t know where this daring is coming from. This is something Mingyu would do, not him. Maybe now that Mingyu’s in a committed relationship he’s bequeathed him his flirtatiousness with strangers, Seungkwan thinks, a little hysterically. It’s not like Mingyu needs it anymore.

But it’s working, somehow — the other man is smiling down at him, still.

Seungkwan’s still got his hands on his forearms, he realizes with a dull throb of embarrassment. When he snatches them back the other man’s smile widens to a grin.

“Chwe Hansol,” he says. “I know Jihoon from work.”

Seungkwan barely knows Jihoon — he’s a friend of a friend of Mingyu’s, and as far as Seungkwan knows he didn’t even make an appearance tonight. Seungkwan nods anyway.

“Boo Seungkwan,” he says. “Mingyu’s my best friend.”

Hansol nods, too, although Seungkwan’s not sure Hansol knows Mingyu any better than Seungkwan knows Jihoon.

“Well, Boo Seungkwan,” Hansol says, then, leaning down a little. The door is still open between them, the sounds from the party filtering out from inside. “Weren't you looking to make an escape?”

No, Seungkwan opens his mouth to lie, to try to shrug Hansol off again, but just like before, he can’t do it.

“It’s New Year’s Eve,” he says, instead, the barest edge of a question in his voice. “Shouldn’t we — ?”

“You want to leave,” is all Hansol says, an easygoing shrug to accompany his words. Seungkwan blinks up at him, just a split-second longer, and then —

Hansol’s the one to put a hand on his forearm, this time, pulling him gently out of the way to shut the door behind him, and Seungkwan swears he can feel the warmth through his coat. This is the craziest thing he's ever done, he thinks, smiling up at Chwe Hansol in the hallway outside Mingyu's apartment, but when Hansol smiles down at him Seungkwan can't make himself to feel any regret.

“I do,” Seungkwan agrees, smiling back, surprised by how strongly he means it. “I really do.”

Re: [FILL] don't read the last page, but—

[symbolised]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Wowowow. Perfect and sweet!!! you captured the feeling of being the odd one out SO well and ugh, leaving the room and no one stops him but he wants someone to !!!!! lovely. verkwan!!!!!! lovely. love u.

[seasignals]

Ship/Member: Any
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: bad-idea hookups
Do Not Wants: None

Prompt:

Sleeping with your friends is not a bad way to get rid of them. (If there are better ways, I bet they involve clothing.)

*
I wanted to have you. I didn't realize having you meant I'd stop wanting you. (the mystery is always better)

— a softer world, 1100+ 1094

Re: [FILL] earth eats away at itself

[amoteamame]

I LOVE YOOOOOUUUUU thank you;; Josh cannot figure out that Minghao doesn't want him to be anything!!! Also it is so important to me that Minghao have at least the hint of condescension LOL! Thank you for the prompt my baby