Ship/Member: Seungcheol (/no one, sorry) Major Tags: character study, anxiety Additional Tags: N/A Permission to remix: Yes
***
Dear Seungcheol,
It’s me. Or rather, you. God, this is embarrassing.
It’s Sunday night. Do you remember the team meetings we used to have every week? Maybe you guys are still doing them. I just hope you’re not doing this dumb introspective, self-reflection, character-building stuff anymore. I know that as the leader, I should be enthusiastic about it. But honestly, I think we’d all be better people if we just got to sleep early or order pizza once a week. Maybe that’s just me—maybe I’m just the hungriest and the most exhausted one here. Isn’t that how it should be, though?
Anyway, Noona told us to write letters to our future selves. If you remember what I wrote, it’d be great if you could time travel back and just tell me ㅋㅋ. Here’s where to find me: Right now I’m sitting in the corner of the living room, the one where the wood has peeled up and we all keep tearing holes in our socks. Thank God for Mingyu’s sewing kit, right? Anyway, I’m the one in the orange basketball shorts. Oh, and it’s February 22, 2015.
This is dumb. You know who I am. More likely it would be me who wouldn’t recognize you. That’s kind of a nice thought—as long as you turn out good. You have to be good, okay?
I’ve never told anybody this, but since you already know, I might as well say it now. I know that my biggest worry should be the other kids, but it’s actually you. I mean me.
Not that I don’t worry about them—I do, every hour of every day. I could tell you everything about what’s going on with them. Channie slept through his vocal lesson yesterday. Joshua hasn’t been to the dentist once since he moved here. Seokmin wouldn’t take a single bite of his birthday cake last week. But sometimes, I’ll look at one of them, and I’m so fucking baffled as to what they’re thinking that it’s almost hard to believe that they’re a human being, just like me. It makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world, like everyone else are just holograms, or side characters, or elaborate productions of science or magic or God that are only here to make it seem like I’m living a real life. And I know that this is selfish and that the only reason I feel so terrified and lonely is because the only person I’ve ever been is me. But shit, it’s so hard to look beyond my own dense skull sometimes, you know?
I guess it’s your dense skull, too. Actually, since you’re not here to defend yourself, I might just pin it all on you ㅋㅋ. By now, you should be able to handle it, right? Seungcheol-ah, you’re a nervous wreck. If you’re going to be the leader of this team, you’re going to have to pull yourself together. And I’m not just talking about your dancing, though that needs some work too. Your boys are struggling, and part of that is okay, because debuting is a struggle. But part of it isn’t. That part is your responsibility. Figure it out.
Sometimes, the only thing that feels true is how badly I want us to succeed, and if you get in the way of that, I’ll never forgive you.
But if you let me, I swear to God I’ll make it work.
[FILL] here's where to find me
Major Tags: character study, anxiety
Additional Tags: N/A
Permission to remix: Yes
***
Dear Seungcheol,
It’s me. Or rather, you. God, this is embarrassing.
It’s Sunday night. Do you remember the team meetings we used to have every week? Maybe you guys are still doing them. I just hope you’re not doing this dumb introspective, self-reflection, character-building stuff anymore. I know that as the leader, I should be enthusiastic about it. But honestly, I think we’d all be better people if we just got to sleep early or order pizza once a week. Maybe that’s just me—maybe I’m just the hungriest and the most exhausted one here. Isn’t that how it should be, though?
Anyway, Noona told us to write letters to our future selves. If you remember what I wrote, it’d be great if you could time travel back and just tell me ㅋㅋ. Here’s where to find me: Right now I’m sitting in the corner of the living room, the one where the wood has peeled up and we all keep tearing holes in our socks. Thank God for Mingyu’s sewing kit, right? Anyway, I’m the one in the orange basketball shorts. Oh, and it’s February 22, 2015.
This is dumb. You know who I am. More likely it would be me who wouldn’t recognize you. That’s kind of a nice thought—as long as you turn out good. You have to be good, okay?
I’ve never told anybody this, but since you already know, I might as well say it now. I know that my biggest worry should be the other kids, but it’s actually you. I mean me.
Not that I don’t worry about them—I do, every hour of every day. I could tell you everything about what’s going on with them. Channie slept through his vocal lesson yesterday. Joshua hasn’t been to the dentist once since he moved here. Seokmin wouldn’t take a single bite of his birthday cake last week. But sometimes, I’ll look at one of them, and I’m so fucking baffled as to what they’re thinking that it’s almost hard to believe that they’re a human being, just like me. It makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world, like everyone else are just holograms, or side characters, or elaborate productions of science or magic or God that are only here to make it seem like I’m living a real life. And I know that this is selfish and that the only reason I feel so terrified and lonely is because the only person I’ve ever been is me. But shit, it’s so hard to look beyond my own dense skull sometimes, you know?
I guess it’s your dense skull, too. Actually, since you’re not here to defend yourself, I might just pin it all on you ㅋㅋ. By now, you should be able to handle it, right? Seungcheol-ah, you’re a nervous wreck. If you’re going to be the leader of this team, you’re going to have to pull yourself together. And I’m not just talking about your dancing, though that needs some work too. Your boys are struggling, and part of that is okay, because debuting is a struggle. But part of it isn’t. That part is your responsibility. Figure it out.
Sometimes, the only thing that feels true is how badly I want us to succeed, and if you get in the way of that, I’ll never forgive you.
But if you let me, I swear to God I’ll make it work.