Status: Closed
This round has closed. It remains open for fills, comments and remixes, but prompts are no longer accepted.
About
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."
"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
"You kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath"
Calling all readers, lovers of poetry and music, screen and stage. Quote collecters and lyric hoarders, unleash your archive. Each prompt must contain a quote - you can combine them, add commentary, link to articles, and more. Steal from a literary classic, or WeVerse drama. Have fun!
Examples
Minghao + Ocean Vuong
The most beautiful part of your body
is where it's headed. & remember,
loneliness is still time spent
with the world.
Ocean Vuong - night sky with exit wounds
Hoshi/Anyone; "Beauty is terror"
Thinking about these two quotes together and the idea of on/off-stage personas:
"Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful we tremble before it. And what could be more terrifying or beautiful, to the Greeks to to our own, than to lose control completely?" - Donna Tartt, the Secret Histories
"I am calm in everyday life but when I put on my in-ear device and step on stage, I can feel the tension and hear the cheers getting louder as the music gets louder. When the staff tells me it's time to step on stage, I feel something boil inside me. I feel it steaming inside and I think I have to give a burst of something, spill what is inside me." - Hoshi in Hit the Road Ep. 04
Any ship; "It's been so many years"
Hello, hello there, is this Martha?
This is old Tom Frost
And I am calling long distance
Don't worry 'bout the cost.
'Cause it's been forty years or more
Now Martha please recall
Meet me out for coffee
Where we'll talk about it all.
Tom Watts - Martha
Rules
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- NSFW art should not be visible, please provide a link and a warning. You may crop the artwork and embed a SFW preview.
How it works
Prompting
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- Change the subject to something interesting;
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Filling
- Reply to the original prompt;
- Change the subject to [FILL], you may add a title or stay chaotic;
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You may also upload your fill to the AO3 Collection.
Remixing
- Post as a reply to the fill you are remixing, using the same HTML as above;
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Art/media
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Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
Tags: canon divergent, what if chan left svt to be the leader of pledis' new boy group that never came to fruition, mentions of seungcheol's anxiety
Permission to remix: Please ask
it is four am on a work night. apologizes in advance if this makes no real sense.
things are meant to be fairly canon-compliant as far as timeline, so it's generally set in late 2019. the specificities of what happened in late 2019, though, have been altered a bit and left deliberately vague for the sake of fiction. will leave a comment if i xpost on ao3.
***
lee chan is fourteen years old.
lee chan is fourteen years old, but you'd never guess it from the way he's standing in front of seungcheol, jaw set, eyes determined.
"hyung, i'm not going to be part of seventeen project anymore."
seungcheol's never considered himself particularly close to chan - that honor goes to soonyoung, wonwoo, and some of the other younger trainees - but they've bonded in the way you can only bond when you're crammed into a basement practice room with lurid green walls and no windows and asked to be on live camera for hours on end, six days a week.
"oh?" he raises an eyebrow. he's not entirely sure why chan's telling him this. there's a bit of a running joke amongst the trainees that if (big if, because their debut has already been pushed three times in two years and seungcheol's already had one debut project fall through) they debut, he's going to be the leader, but that's mostly because he's the oldest and he's been training the longest. even so, seungcheol is confident in his own abilities as someone squarely in the middle of the pack. it would make much more sense for jihoon or soonyoung to lead the group. it's not like he's particularly interested in leadership, either, much more comfortable with being directed by someone who knows better.
chan nods. "daepyo-nim called me into the office a few weeks ago and asked me if i wanted to be the leader of pledis' next group instead."
"did you tell anyone?"
"no." chan gnaws on his lower lip, and the illusion breaks instantly - he looks every bit the child he is. seungcheol isn't very old, either, but eighteen feels like generations away. "i wanted to think about this on my own and make sure it was the right choice."
it's not that seungcheol is irresponsible, but taking on responsibility has never been one of his strong suits. his own brother is three years older, and his family treated him like the maknae he is. even amongst the other trainees, he's prone to roughhousing and playing around more often than he's quick to give direction.
but looking at chan, with his too-long hair and his too-big shirt and the gangliness of his limbs he has yet to grow into, stirs something oddly protective in him.
"and you're sure?" seungcheol asks. "that this is the right choice?"
there's a second where chan seems to falter, taking a half-second too long to say yes, hyung, this is exactly what i want.
"i'm sure," chan says, squaring his shoulders.
seungcheol stands, and even at full height chan is still a full head shorter than him.
"okay." seungcheol reaches out, pulls chan into a hug, because it feels like the right thing to do. he feels so tiny in seungcheol's arms. "i'll miss you, chan."
"thanks, hyung. i'll see you onstage someday."
chan grins as they untangle themselves, gives a full ninety-degree bow, and leaves the room.
seungcheol watches him go, and wonders why something doesn't feel entirely right.
even so, chan should be fine. he's driven and talented and has years ahead of him.
lee chan is twenty-one years old.
lee chan is twenty-one years old, but he carries himself like someone much older - there's a heaviness to his eyes that seungcheol doesn't think he had at twenty-one.
pledis has yet to show any signs of debuting a new boy group - pristin was left to fizzle out barely two years into their debut, and seungcheol's been halfway looped in on conversations that pledis might get acquired by another company, making every other trainee's future even more uncertain.
the forever trainee, he's heard others call chan. chan's still not the record-holder for longest idol training period, but seven years is no short period of time. more than once, seungcheol's wondered why chan didn't quit, or move to another agency at the very least. maybe get his military service out of the way.
the lee chan seungcheol knew seven years ago, though, would never quit until he reached his goals.
seungcheol doesn't interact with the trainees much, given that he spends nearly every waking moment being the leader of a relatively successful idol group (have you heard of seventeen? they're on a world tour right now), but he's a month into treatment for his fucked-up brain and everyone else is gone and he couldn't think of anything else to do besides loiter around the company building, because his ten of his brothers in all but blood are an ocean away, jeonghan's back home in hwaseong trying to fix his own medical issues, and he doesn't think he can face his real family right now.
it's in the hallway in front of the dance practice rooms where he finds chan, because where else would he be? some things never seem to change.
"hey, lee chan," seungcheol calls out, and he doesn't exactly mean to say anything else but maybe he's lonelier than he thought: "are you busy tonight?"
chan shakes his head. he doesn't seem entirely surprised to see seungcheol here, and he has to know that the rest of the group is on tour. word must get around quick.
"wanna get a drink? hyung's treat."
"if you asked me to pay for you, i'd be so offended," chan scoffs, but there's no heat behind it.
technically, seungcheol isn't supposed to be drinking right now, but he forgot to take his meds today (it's a hard habit to remember, especially when he doesn't have seungkwan talking his ear off about taking daily supplements at large), so he figures a beer or two won't kill him.
they end up going to the empty dorms, because seungcheol is more-or-less meant to be on some form of house arrest, and being in private means that they don't need to be so careful. seungcheol doesn't need some sasaeng fan snapping a picture of him in front of a club, and if chan wants to have a career in the industry then he doesn't either.
this is how the two of them end up sitting on the floor in the living room, empty takeout boxes and glass bottles scattered between them. things had been a little awkward at first - seungcheol doesn't think he's had an extended conversation with chan in at least a year - but alcohol helps get things going and chan tends to talk a lot, which takes care of the rest.
it's nice enough to catch up for a bit, even though they both know they're talking circles around what's actually going on. chan talks about some of the younger trainees he's gotten close with, how he's taken to teaching them and giving them tips on their monthly evaluations, and seungcheol fills him in on what the other members were up to and tries to avoid talking about himself.
the cluster of bottles next to chan continues to grow, and chan continues to slump harder against the sofa.
"hyung," chan slurs, "i don't think i should've done it. i should've stayed with you."
it takes a second for seungcheol to realize what he's referring to, and he finds his fingers clenching too-hard around the glass bottle in his hand.
why did you think it was a good idea to ask me for advice? seungcheol almost cuts back. i barely knew anything more than you did. between the two of us, i thought you had a better head on your shoulders.
it takes more alcohol than the two of them have drunk combined to get him to truly lose his head, so he holds his tongue.
"i'm sorry, chan," he says instead. "i wish i knew."
"do you wish it were different?" chan asks. "do you ever wish you weren't the leader?"
all the time, he wants to say. sometimes, i don't think i'm strong enough for this. i wake up and i think someone else should be doing my job.
but to say that would be to tell chan that he's wasted the past seven years of his life chasing a dream that turns into a nightmare that you never know when you'll be able to wake up from.
so instead, he shrugs. "it's hard. but i'm not sure that anyone else could lead the group and have it work."
chan raises his beer, tipping the neck toward seungcheol in a mock toast before he finishes it off, and seungcheol knows that chan knows he's lying through his teeth.
he almost wishes chan would say it out loud.
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
these sections especially stood out to me:
it would make much more sense for jihoon or soonyoung to lead the group. it's not like he's particularly interested in leadership, either, much more comfortable with being directed by someone who knows better.
and then-
all the time, he wants to say. sometimes, i don't think i'm strong enough for this. i wake up and i think someone else should be doing my job.
but to say that would be to tell chan that he's wasted the past seven years of his life chasing a dream that turns into a nightmare that you never know when you'll be able to wake up from.
so instead, he shrugs. "it's hard. but i'm not sure that anyone else could lead the group and have it work."
it's really something that seungcheol's personality lends itself to but you've brought out so well how his own response to how he feels about being the leader changed through predebut and now, when he is in charge of a group-a really successful one at that. and of course, how chan may not have seen through him back then but he sure as hell does now, but the circumstances now are too different from either of them to comment on it.
man, this really was beyond what i expected, thank you so much for sharing it!!!
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
it's always so interesting to wonder about how people might be different if something else changed in their lives!! i think in this universe, cheol has still learned to "grow into" his position but he's definitely not in the headspace right now where he feels like he's a good leader, and chan has become way more jaded with every passing year that debut never comes. and you're right, at fourteen chan wouldn't have been able to see through coups (who he probably saw as an Adult Figure given the age difference), but now he knows that cheol is just a guy, just like anyone else, but what are two guys who used to be close but aren't that close anymore realistically supposed to do about it??
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
i would be so curious to see what you'd write for it :o v much love the way you approach fics so i'm sure it would also be great!!
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
like pb said, i love how you focused on two Very Real Things (cheols break from OTY and chan either being the youngest in svt or leader of a boygroup that never came to be) but also how you kept weaving the themes of mentorship / that age gap / how chan is the youngest but acts so old vs. seungcheol's sudden realization that he's the oldest + people have to look up to him when he was used to being the youngest in the family
chan gnaws on his lower lip, and the illusion breaks instantly - he looks every bit the child he is. seungcheol isn't very old, either, but eighteen feels like generations away / lee chan is twenty-one years old, but he carries himself like someone much older - there's a heaviness to his eyes that seungcheol doesn't think he had at twenty-one.
AND AND AND THE BITS AT THE END FROM SEUNGCHEOLS MIND...
why did you think it was a good idea to ask me for advice? seungcheol almost cuts back. i barely knew anything more than you did. between the two of us, i thought you had a better head on your shoulders. the admittance that sometimes even if it looks like you've got it all down from the outside looking in we are all terrified on the inside.
i'll be thinking about this for a very long time thank u for writing..
one last part:
all the time, he wants to say. sometimes, i don't think i'm strong enough for this. i wake up and i think someone else should be doing my job.
but to say that would be to tell chan that he's wasted the past seven years of his life chasing a dream that turns into a nightmare that you never know when you'll be able to wake up from.
so instead, he shrugs. "it's hard. but i'm not sure that anyone else could lead the group and have it work.""
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
the admittance that sometimes even if it looks like you've got it all down from the outside looking in we are all terrified on the inside. yes !! csc seeming like he's got everything under control but it takes chan growing up to see straight through him...,.,.,.,
also after research for unrelated reasons i remembered that 1. coups was probably a trainee for 5-6 years (some of the nuest trainees were there since 2009) and 2. he had also been considered for nuest? so like. he would understand chan's pain even more acutely... something i may add in if i xpost this haha.
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
oh my god,,,, oh wow. what an incredible chan moment to tie in, to briefly make real through this fill-- i'm kinda really torn-up. but also so relieved that this was not actually Our lee chan's fate!
i absolutely loved the juxtaposition of "chan should be fine. he's driven and talented and has years ahead of him... lee chan is twenty-one years old, but he carries himself like someone much older". like oh man.. the jaws of growing up really snapping down on our beautiful, determined, beaten-down lee chan. it's really wonderful how you explored... that helpless feeling of being looked up to as a slightly older 20-something. of struggling so hard with even how to help ourselves, of constantly learning just how few answers we hold in our hands. of coming to terms with the inevitable loss of each person's seemingly endless potential. O, the regret, the guilt, the grief of our 20's! you did such a beautiful job.
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]
there's one clip of chan walking in on cheol and woozi together in the green room and he immediately bows and apologizes and yeets himself out, compared to present day where he shamelessly talks back to cheol that really makes me think about how much they've grown lol. like chan in his early teens clearly saw 4-years-older cheol as a Real Adult and now he's like nah you're just some guy. so i think exploring how chan has to weigh his youthful perception of someone he looked up to with the reality of everything before him can simply be so poignant!!
thank you for reading :D
Re: blasting the aloneness wide open [FILL]