Ship/Member: Seokmin/Minghao, Mingyu/Minghao Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: oh you're in a queer relationship? which one of you is polyamorous and which one of you is pretending to be ok with it?, inspired by the gyuhao busan fiasco of 2022 Permission to remix: please ask
yes i'm aware it's july
***
They look beautiful on the boat. They shouldn’t, given how they’re squinting a little in the sunlight, but they do. Minghao’s got an arm slung over Mingyu’s too-broad shoulders, and one of Mingyu’s hands is in his hair. Everything about them is sharp, angled and neat and perfect. They’re standing close to each other, but not too close. There’s a gap between them, where Minghao’s shoulder is tightened awkwardly. A courtesy to Seokmin, perhaps. To soften the blow of his partner going for a weekend away with a man that isn’t him.
They shouldn’t have. There’s no point. At the end of the day, the warm glow of the sun still lightens their faces, while Seokmin lies in bed in the dark, cold and alone.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been looking at the Instagram post, swiping from picture to picture. He doesn’t even follow Mingyu, technically - he didn’t want to give Minghao the satisfaction. But then Minghao had posted some pictures of himself and Seokmin couldn’t help himself. Mingyu must have taken the photos of Minghao that he posted, and that knowledge makes Seokmin feel sick. It’s horrific, knowing that someone else sees Minghao as tenderly and vividly as he does - it’s like Mingyu has walked through his head and stripped him of his memories, posting them online for everyone to see. Seokmin has to know the whole story, to try and steal back some of their joy through the screen. Isn’t it greedy of them to keep it all for themselves?
In a way, of course, it’s all his fault. Minghao had said from the start that he would keep his options open, explaining it all to Seokmin very clearly. But Seokmin was greedy, and an ounce of tenderness was worth more than a life of loyalty. All he needed was love, and Minghao gave it to him. He feasted on every shy giggle and swooping kiss that Minghao had to offer, gorging himself like he would never get enough. He whispered sweet nothings into Minghao’s ear, honey filling his cheeks, cloying on the tongue. Minghao was everywhere and everything, and Seokmin knew nothing else - he was bursting at the seams with love.
Then Minghao met Mingyu. Who’s perfectly nice, by the way. The only issue that Seokmin has with him is that Minghao loves him. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t. They have similar interests, and Mingyu’s kind and handsome. Seokmin’s only met him a few times, but all those times Minghao looked at him like he was a gift to unwrap layer by layer. It makes sense, even Seokmin realises that now. He thought nothing of it at first, willing himself to believe it was all fine, until Minghao told him that he wanted to ‘give it a try’ with Mingyu.
And now Seokmin is nothing. He can only build himself up under Minghao’s loving gaze, so now he’s crumbling. He waits, eager and foolish, for scraps of affection like a dog at the dinner table. He’s starved of Minghao’s touch, so much so that he aches with it. Anything will do, really - could he be an afterthought at the very least?
Seokmin’s selfish, he knows that. He doesn’t want to be. He knows he should be good and kind and not want too much. It scares him sometimes, his jealousy. It’s an ugly feeling and he knows it, but it swells in him with all the force of the sea, a tidal wave that could swallow Minghao whole. Maybe then he could keep Minghao for himself. Minghao still loves him - or at least, he says as much - but is it a crime to want to be sure? Is it really so terrible to want to be more than Mingyu?
Minghao’s too good. That's the real problem. Minghao’s too good, and that's why he wants someone like Mingyu, someone who's always just as good. Sometimes, Seokmin wishes that Minghao were worse, or at least just bad enough to still want him. But Mingyu makes him better and happier and brighter, and Seokmin is sick of it.
He swipes through the post again, this time looking at a video. They’re in life vests on the boat, playing a game of rock paper scissors. At one point, Mingyu runs his fingers down Minghao’s arm. Has he memorised the shape of it like Seokmin has? Does he know each dip of muscle, the softness of his skin, the gentle curve of his shoulder? Mingyu loses the game of rock paper scissors, and he jumps into the water without hesitation. Seokmin would have trembled and stalled for at least half an hour. Would Minghao giggle with unbridled glee like he’s doing with Mingyu, or would he just be irritated? Is Mingyu braver than Seokmin? Is he better than Seokmin? Is Minghao happier with him, more at peace?
Why is Mingyu the one making Minghao happy? Why can’t Seokmin do that himself?
The video plays on and on, and Seokmin’s eyes burn when he blinks. Before he can let himself think too much, he types out a quick comment on the post. It must be really nice, with a little emoji, and he means it. It must be nice to hear Minghao’s laugh for real, instead of imagining it while watching a soundless video. It must be nice to see his mouth curve into a pretty smile, to cause it. It must be nice to be on the open sea, on a vast nothingness with the only person that matters. But nice isn't right, it isn't big enough to capture what being with Minghao is like. Does Mingyu even know how good he has it? Does Mingyu hunger the way Seokmin does?
Maybe it's petty or selfish or something, but he posts the comment and puts his phone away. It's not meant to be a threat or anything, just a reminder - I was here first. You can have him all you want, but I was here first and I’m still here now. When you look at him, remember I’m there too.
For now, at least, he feels a little better. In this small way, Minghao is still his.
[FILL] tunnel vision
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: oh you're in a queer relationship? which one of you is polyamorous and which one of you is pretending to be ok with it?, inspired by the gyuhao busan fiasco of 2022
Permission to remix: please ask
yes i'm aware it's july
***
They look beautiful on the boat. They shouldn’t, given how they’re squinting a little in the sunlight, but they do. Minghao’s got an arm slung over Mingyu’s too-broad shoulders, and one of Mingyu’s hands is in his hair. Everything about them is sharp, angled and neat and perfect. They’re standing close to each other, but not too close. There’s a gap between them, where Minghao’s shoulder is tightened awkwardly. A courtesy to Seokmin, perhaps. To soften the blow of his partner going for a weekend away with a man that isn’t him.
They shouldn’t have. There’s no point. At the end of the day, the warm glow of the sun still lightens their faces, while Seokmin lies in bed in the dark, cold and alone.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been looking at the Instagram post, swiping from picture to picture. He doesn’t even follow Mingyu, technically - he didn’t want to give Minghao the satisfaction. But then Minghao had posted some pictures of himself and Seokmin couldn’t help himself. Mingyu must have taken the photos of Minghao that he posted, and that knowledge makes Seokmin feel sick. It’s horrific, knowing that someone else sees Minghao as tenderly and vividly as he does - it’s like Mingyu has walked through his head and stripped him of his memories, posting them online for everyone to see. Seokmin has to know the whole story, to try and steal back some of their joy through the screen. Isn’t it greedy of them to keep it all for themselves?
In a way, of course, it’s all his fault. Minghao had said from the start that he would keep his options open, explaining it all to Seokmin very clearly. But Seokmin was greedy, and an ounce of tenderness was worth more than a life of loyalty. All he needed was love, and Minghao gave it to him. He feasted on every shy giggle and swooping kiss that Minghao had to offer, gorging himself like he would never get enough. He whispered sweet nothings into Minghao’s ear, honey filling his cheeks, cloying on the tongue. Minghao was everywhere and everything, and Seokmin knew nothing else - he was bursting at the seams with love.
Then Minghao met Mingyu. Who’s perfectly nice, by the way. The only issue that Seokmin has with him is that Minghao loves him. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t. They have similar interests, and Mingyu’s kind and handsome. Seokmin’s only met him a few times, but all those times Minghao looked at him like he was a gift to unwrap layer by layer. It makes sense, even Seokmin realises that now. He thought nothing of it at first, willing himself to believe it was all fine, until Minghao told him that he wanted to ‘give it a try’ with Mingyu.
And now Seokmin is nothing. He can only build himself up under Minghao’s loving gaze, so now he’s crumbling. He waits, eager and foolish, for scraps of affection like a dog at the dinner table. He’s starved of Minghao’s touch, so much so that he aches with it. Anything will do, really - could he be an afterthought at the very least?
Seokmin’s selfish, he knows that. He doesn’t want to be. He knows he should be good and kind and not want too much. It scares him sometimes, his jealousy. It’s an ugly feeling and he knows it, but it swells in him with all the force of the sea, a tidal wave that could swallow Minghao whole. Maybe then he could keep Minghao for himself. Minghao still loves him - or at least, he says as much - but is it a crime to want to be sure? Is it really so terrible to want to be more than Mingyu?
Minghao’s too good. That's the real problem. Minghao’s too good, and that's why he wants someone like Mingyu, someone who's always just as good. Sometimes, Seokmin wishes that Minghao were worse, or at least just bad enough to still want him. But Mingyu makes him better and happier and brighter, and Seokmin is sick of it.
He swipes through the post again, this time looking at a video. They’re in life vests on the boat, playing a game of rock paper scissors. At one point, Mingyu runs his fingers down Minghao’s arm. Has he memorised the shape of it like Seokmin has? Does he know each dip of muscle, the softness of his skin, the gentle curve of his shoulder? Mingyu loses the game of rock paper scissors, and he jumps into the water without hesitation. Seokmin would have trembled and stalled for at least half an hour. Would Minghao giggle with unbridled glee like he’s doing with Mingyu, or would he just be irritated? Is Mingyu braver than Seokmin? Is he better than Seokmin? Is Minghao happier with him, more at peace?
Why is Mingyu the one making Minghao happy? Why can’t Seokmin do that himself?
The video plays on and on, and Seokmin’s eyes burn when he blinks. Before he can let himself think too much, he types out a quick comment on the post. It must be really nice, with a little emoji, and he means it. It must be nice to hear Minghao’s laugh for real, instead of imagining it while watching a soundless video. It must be nice to see his mouth curve into a pretty smile, to cause it. It must be nice to be on the open sea, on a vast nothingness with the only person that matters. But nice isn't right, it isn't big enough to capture what being with Minghao is like. Does Mingyu even know how good he has it? Does Mingyu hunger the way Seokmin does?
Maybe it's petty or selfish or something, but he posts the comment and puts his phone away. It's not meant to be a threat or anything, just a reminder - I was here first. You can have him all you want, but I was here first and I’m still here now. When you look at him, remember I’m there too.
For now, at least, he feels a little better. In this small way, Minghao is still his.