purplepinkskies: (0)
naty ([personal profile] purplepinkskies) wrote in [community profile] 17hols 2022-01-09 07:39 pm (UTC)

[FILL] i'm getting used to receiving

Ship/Member: Jun, implied (really just implied lmao) gyujun
Major Tags: post breakup
Additional Tags: finding yourself after a relationship ends, self love, just jun giving himself time and stuff
Permission to remix: Yes! please tag me if you do :)

Exactly 400 words!

(this is a small thing and it feels very ramble-y and i know this prompt was filled before but i really haven't stopped thinking about it since i read it. i hope you like it *hides away*)

***

Find your lost self, find it now
Your color, your scent
I like me better now
The flowers just bloom in different seasons
It’s your time now, I look forward to it
Your color, your scent
I like me better now
Better now


— Gfriend, Better me

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn't like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turn the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn't get this song
But I do, I do


— Taylor Swift, Begin Again


It took some time, but Jun could finally watch his favourite movies again without wondering if he thought of him whenever someone mentioned them, or when they came on the TV. It took some more time, but every song stopped reminding Jun of him. His favourite books and passages stopped irrevocably being about his heartache and were about other grandeur things again. The love letters and notes he never sent stopped weighing a ton on his shoulders and finally became feather light in his trash bin.

The world shifted in its axis. Maybe it went back to its rightful place.

When Jun would try something new and not wonder about what he would’ve thought, he knew he was going to get better.

Heartbreak could not last forever, he had hoped when he cried until his pillowcase was filled with nothing but tears. It turned out to be truth, eventually.

He got scared one day, when he suddenly could breathe easily. What did that make of his previous feelings? Feelings that felt absolute and immovable at some point in his life. Feelings that kept him alive.

“You cherish the good memories,” Minghao had told him. “And learn from the bad. It doesn’t mean it was all worthless. It just means that part of your life is over, but that doesn’t make it less important.”

He picked himself back up slowly through the waves of sadness. He played games online again and made friends. He cooked for his friends unprompted, just to see them smile and fish for compliments. He went out dancing with them after way too long. He went on walks and let his mind spiral out of control, until one day his heart nudged him back and said it’s okay. It’s okay now.

***

“Hyung, I made these for you.”

One day, those words stop confusing Jun. They do not shock him anymore. They fill him with something warm, something familiar, yet somewhat different. The frame engulfing him is, for one, taller than Junhui, but much softer. Little actions that would've driven him away before, now pull him in, inescapably (not that he wants to escape.)

After a few weeks of being taken care of, Jun lets himself get used to it. He gives as good as he receives, and thinks it’s worth trying again every time his lips and his hands are met with a such tender eagerness.

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