my god this is everything i could've asked for and more...the fact that they drew on two very real things, and this is actually all within the realm of a timeline that was entirely too possible just makes it all the more hard-hitting. that it is chan and seungcheol, through seungcheol's perspective and through his own break from the group of course just gives it an added level of hurt, /and/ retrospective.

these sections especially stood out to me:
it would make much more sense for jihoon or soonyoung to lead the group. it's not like he's particularly interested in leadership, either, much more comfortable with being directed by someone who knows better.

and then-
all the time, he wants to say. sometimes, i don't think i'm strong enough for this. i wake up and i think someone else should be doing my job.


but to say that would be to tell chan that he's wasted the past seven years of his life chasing a dream that turns into a nightmare that you never know when you'll be able to wake up from.


so instead, he shrugs. "it's hard. but i'm not sure that anyone else could lead the group and have it work."

it's really something that seungcheol's personality lends itself to but you've brought out so well how his own response to how he feels about being the leader changed through predebut and now, when he is in charge of a group-a really successful one at that. and of course, how chan may not have seen through him back then but he sure as hell does now, but the circumstances now are too different from either of them to comment on it.

man, this really was beyond what i expected, thank you so much for sharing it!!!