Ship/Member: Jihancheol Major Tags: idolverse sort of, pining, repression i guess? Additional Tags: seungcheol centric, friends to lovers but not quite Permission to remix: Yes! and tag me if you do :D
i honestly hope you like this! it's my first time writing idolverse, even if it's quite vague.
***
Seungcheol’s never wanted to completely get rid of his childhood’s starry eyes. They offer him protection against the world’s worst demons. They let him be hopeful and choose innocence for as long as possible. They are what’s made him popular and memorable, sort of. They let him be annoyingly earnest and come off as goofy or cute. That’s the only way to do it in front of a camera: to embed his actions with as much irony and light-heartedness as humanly possible.
His inner child’s eyes tear up too easily at being made fun of, so it’s simply logical to pretend he doesn’t take them seriously either.
“You crybaby,” Jisoo would mutter when Seungcheol can’t help but get emotional by watching a romantic movie, or a children’s movie, or simply by the third act of any remotely decent movie. Jisoo would wipe a stray tear away from his cheek before Seungcheol is getting up from the couch with a chuckle, quickly removing the tears himself.
“Where are you going?” Jeonghan would ask every time, from where is plastered against Jisoo’s side, without a care in the world. Like the members wouldn’t walk in any second and send them loaded glances that Seungcheol is tired of interpreting. Jisoo’s hand runs through Jeonghan’s hair like it’s second nature, and a dangerous habit that neither of them are terrified of.
His face feels hot again the more his eyes adjust to the dark living room, taking in the image of his best friends.
His hands would itch to touch, to breach the distance.
But he would pout instead. “You always choose movies that make me cry,” the complains flow out of him, easily, good-naturedly. “I will turn in for the night,” he comments in passing, desperate to run away from the open invitation the minimal space between them has become.
“Rest well, then,” either of them would reply, it doesn’t matter. In the dark like this, they become one, they become everything Seungcheol wants and needs, every childish fantasy he’d love to make come true.
But he falls short every time.
***
Seungcheol’s not an idiot. He’s not in denial. He’s not lying to himself. He’s just stuck. Stuck amidst all of their promises and memories. Stuck in the way he could listen to Jisoo play the guitar for hours on end. Stuck in the way he would never tell Jeonghan that he does miss his long hair, but not for the reasons everyone else would assume. Stuck in the trap he’s set for himself the moment his foolish, naive eyes looked at them in a different light and could never stop looking since.
He’s acknowledged his feelings long ago, way too long ago. He’s held hope and even certainty at times, but he won't put his heart on the line of fire. Not again.
He was never the older kid who believed in Santa Claus for a tad too long; the one who would find out in public, when classmates or friends discussed it in front of everyone else to show how mature they were.
He never was that kid, but he’s seen it. He’s seen the exact moment the illusion shatters. He’s seen the disappointment and the acceptance.
He’s not in denial. He’s well prepared. He just doesn’t want to be caught believing in something that was never there.
***
The thing about Jeonghan and Jisoo as a couple is that they exist in either long periods of silence or deafening periods of noise. They have mastered a language Seungcheol always feels a little behind in, even when he’s got his own arsenal of ways to communicate with them.
When they start dating, they only tell Seungcheol at first, even if the lines have been blurred for so long now no one would even blink at such announcement. Still, Seungcheol is the only one made privy to the official information for a while and it alleviates his heart for some time.
For a while, the only emotion that has place in his body is happiness. He’s always known that they were a perfect match.
He feels validated at first, until he realises that things with the two of them don’t really change. Not at all.
***
The heat of the summer is almost unbearable and it makes him talk. Seungcheol loves warm weather, but something about the stifling quality of the day seems to strangle him and his words. Most of the members are out, fighting the hot weather in any way that’s not merely sitting below the air conditioner where Seungcheol finds himself.
He’s laughing at a story Junhui is telling Jeonghan and Soonyoung, both of them responding with their voices and gestures. It looks like Jun moves them along with his voice, and he would like to participate more, to join them. Yet, the can of beer in his hand and the cool breeze keep in him place on his cushion on the floor, back against the wall, bare legs outstretched in front of him.
At another of Jun’s jokes, his eyes catch Jeonghan’s. Heat fills him from within this time. Ridiculous. Unbelievable. After years of this, he still burns when Jeonghan catches him off guard, vulnerable in such a simple way.
When he doesn’t break eye contact for a while, Jeonghan shifts his body to face Seungcheol more comfortably, and that makes him finally look away and find Jisoo coming toward him to sit right next to him, despite the heat.
Jeonghan’s eyes are fixed on him and Jisoo’s hand lays on his ribs. For whatever reason, they keep prodding at him in those devastatingly soft ways, not caring for his immeasurable fears or hopeful heart.
Seungcheol closes his eyes and thinks it’d be so easy to let them know. He wants to let them know.
[FILL] to know your heart
Major Tags: idolverse sort of, pining, repression i guess?
Additional Tags: seungcheol centric, friends to lovers but not quite
Permission to remix: Yes! and tag me if you do :D
i honestly hope you like this! it's my first time writing idolverse, even if it's quite vague.
***
Seungcheol’s never wanted to completely get rid of his childhood’s starry eyes. They offer him protection against the world’s worst demons. They let him be hopeful and choose innocence for as long as possible. They are what’s made him popular and memorable, sort of. They let him be annoyingly earnest and come off as goofy or cute. That’s the only way to do it in front of a camera: to embed his actions with as much irony and light-heartedness as humanly possible.
His inner child’s eyes tear up too easily at being made fun of, so it’s simply logical to pretend he doesn’t take them seriously either.
“You crybaby,” Jisoo would mutter when Seungcheol can’t help but get emotional by watching a romantic movie, or a children’s movie, or simply by the third act of any remotely decent movie. Jisoo would wipe a stray tear away from his cheek before Seungcheol is getting up from the couch with a chuckle, quickly removing the tears himself.
“Where are you going?” Jeonghan would ask every time, from where is plastered against Jisoo’s side, without a care in the world. Like the members wouldn’t walk in any second and send them loaded glances that Seungcheol is tired of interpreting. Jisoo’s hand runs through Jeonghan’s hair like it’s second nature, and a dangerous habit that neither of them are terrified of.
His face feels hot again the more his eyes adjust to the dark living room, taking in the image of his best friends.
His hands would itch to touch, to breach the distance.
But he would pout instead. “You always choose movies that make me cry,” the complains flow out of him, easily, good-naturedly. “I will turn in for the night,” he comments in passing, desperate to run away from the open invitation the minimal space between them has become.
“Rest well, then,” either of them would reply, it doesn’t matter. In the dark like this, they become one, they become everything Seungcheol wants and needs, every childish fantasy he’d love to make come true.
But he falls short every time.
***
Seungcheol’s not an idiot. He’s not in denial. He’s not lying to himself. He’s just stuck. Stuck amidst all of their promises and memories. Stuck in the way he could listen to Jisoo play the guitar for hours on end. Stuck in the way he would never tell Jeonghan that he does miss his long hair, but not for the reasons everyone else would assume. Stuck in the trap he’s set for himself the moment his foolish, naive eyes looked at them in a different light and could never stop looking since.
He’s acknowledged his feelings long ago, way too long ago. He’s held hope and even certainty at times, but he won't put his heart on the line of fire. Not again.
He was never the older kid who believed in Santa Claus for a tad too long; the one who would find out in public, when classmates or friends discussed it in front of everyone else to show how mature they were.
He never was that kid, but he’s seen it. He’s seen the exact moment the illusion shatters. He’s seen the disappointment and the acceptance.
He’s not in denial. He’s well prepared. He just doesn’t want to be caught believing in something that was never there.
***
The thing about Jeonghan and Jisoo as a couple is that they exist in either long periods of silence or deafening periods of noise. They have mastered a language Seungcheol always feels a little behind in, even when he’s got his own arsenal of ways to communicate with them.
When they start dating, they only tell Seungcheol at first, even if the lines have been blurred for so long now no one would even blink at such announcement. Still, Seungcheol is the only one made privy to the official information for a while and it alleviates his heart for some time.
For a while, the only emotion that has place in his body is happiness. He’s always known that they were a perfect match.
He feels validated at first, until he realises that things with the two of them don’t really change. Not at all.
***
The heat of the summer is almost unbearable and it makes him talk. Seungcheol loves warm weather, but something about the stifling quality of the day seems to strangle him and his words. Most of the members are out, fighting the hot weather in any way that’s not merely sitting below the air conditioner where Seungcheol finds himself.
He’s laughing at a story Junhui is telling Jeonghan and Soonyoung, both of them responding with their voices and gestures. It looks like Jun moves them along with his voice, and he would like to participate more, to join them. Yet, the can of beer in his hand and the cool breeze keep in him place on his cushion on the floor, back against the wall, bare legs outstretched in front of him.
At another of Jun’s jokes, his eyes catch Jeonghan’s. Heat fills him from within this time. Ridiculous. Unbelievable. After years of this, he still burns when Jeonghan catches him off guard, vulnerable in such a simple way.
When he doesn’t break eye contact for a while, Jeonghan shifts his body to face Seungcheol more comfortably, and that makes him finally look away and find Jisoo coming toward him to sit right next to him, despite the heat.
Jeonghan’s eyes are fixed on him and Jisoo’s hand lays on his ribs. For whatever reason, they keep prodding at him in those devastatingly soft ways, not caring for his immeasurable fears or hopeful heart.
Seungcheol closes his eyes and thinks it’d be so easy to let them know. He wants to let them know.