AAaaAaAaAAAaaaaAAAaAAAaAaaaAaa. the sheer AAAAA of this. poor chan, you made me feel for him so much - all that stuff about not being allowed to be a child or an adult or to have any real experiences... man! absolutely broke my heart when it talked about his research into his life that could have been if he'd become a teacher. and turning to seungcheol as a mentor and a crush and a challenge and a comfort, the complexity of that relationship was so so so fun. thank you for this!!!!