Ship/Member: Seungcheol/Wonwoo Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: college au, sharing a bed, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take Permission to remix: Yes
***
Seungcheol’s first mistake is inviting Wonwoo to his not-party.
Seungcheol has a habit of keeping himself very busy during the week. Busy with classes, with his part-time job. Much too busy to stay in touch with his close-knit group of friends from the team. Wonwoo only really knows Seungcheol, though, so this part is something he’s only heard from Seungcheol whining about his friends whining about him.
Wonwoo laughs along good-naturedly because it’s the normal thing to do. Then he goes back to happily eating the burger Seungcheol was kind enough to buy for him, maybe as some meager repayment for ghosting his texts all of last week.
But it’s fine. It’s whatever. Wonwoo doesn’t like to worry about these sorts of things. Plus, it’s a pretty decent burger, so he won’t complain about it.
Across from him, Seungcheol throws his phone down on the diner table, his own food forgotten. “You doing anything this weekend?”
He’s got this excited gleam in his dark, searching eyes. It’s making Wonwoo kind of nervous. Naturally, he’s too quick to reply, uncomfortably choking down the last french fry on his plate.
“Um, nothing really," he says through a cough. "What’s up?”
“Well, some of the guys from the team want to come over Friday night and hang out. Like, drinks and stuff,” Seungcheol says. “Something fun before finals season, you know?”
Slowly, Wonwoo leans back against the scratchy upholstery of their booth, taking Seungcheol in for the first time today. His soft hair rests in his eyes, overgrown and unruly around his face and ears. His skin is slightly paler than usual, stretched a little tighter around his watery eyes. The soccer sweatshirt he’s wearing is rumpled and has a weird stain on it.
Wonwoo does know, in fact. Seungcheol is tired. He looks like he desperately needs some fun.
“Don’t worry, it isn't a party,” Seungcheol clarifies.
Wonwoo nods.
It’s a shame that when it comes to Seungcheol, Wonwoo seems to lose all rationale and starts feeling a little crazy inside and forgets how to pick his words and also say them.
It’s also a shame that Seungcheol misinterprets it as hesitation or discomfort.
And it’s always like this. Wonwoo can feel his brain melt slowly like ice cream underneath a lamplight, and there is nothing he can do about it except watch and wait for Seungcheol to say something else, slicing through the fantasies deconstructing and rebuilding themselves within his mind.
"So… what do you think?"
The light above the booth flickers for a moment. Seungcheol’s pink lips split into his gummy smile, a dimple indenting his cheek. Wonwoo desperately wishes he had the strength to look away. Sometimes it’s fucking unbearable, being him and being next to Seungcheol.
Seungcheol bats his lashes at him, the hopefulness in his demeanor clear as day. “You in?”
-
His second mistake is pressing an ice-cold beer into Wonwoo’s ever-available hands.
The not-party is a gathering of something like twenty people—the perfect amount to chat up a couple of guys without ever getting too suffocated or sweaty in the apartment.
But none of that matters to Wonwoo, not when Seungcheol’s skin reflects fuzzy, yellow kitchen lighting and pink flush colors his cheeks from the pregaming Wonwoo knows he did earlier. Not when he looks so, so soft all around his edges. Warm and distracting as hell, like sitting too close to a bonfire.
“I’m so glad you could make it,” Seungcheol says, crescent moon eyes locking with his in a meaningful stare.
Wonwoo barks out a laugh, awkwardly sticking his hand in the pocket of his worn jeans. “God, you’re cheesy.”
“But you like it when I’m cheesy, right?” He takes a swig from his own bottle before giving Wonwoo another devastatingly toothy grin. “Tell me how much you like it.”
Wonwoo can only blink. His face is getting hot and he feels stupid. Wonders if the ungainly smile he knows he’s wearing looks like a grimace.
“Ah, I’m just messing with you. Anyway, you should go… mingle and stuff. Seriously! Go, it’s okay. I’ll be here.”
Nodding, Wonwoo obediently stalks off to find Soonyoung.
-
Wonwoo's Seungcheol problem actually has very little to do with Seungcheol. Or that's what he tells himself, at least.
It has everything to do with how Wonwoo can’t comfortably spend another moment with Soonyoung when Soonyoung has worked so very hard for his title as the life of the party and gets busy entertaining his other friends instead of talking to him about something obscure and interesting enough to hold Wonwoo over for the night. It has everything to do with the bone-deep loneliness that comes with being the odd one out—a secret, shameful feeling that strikes him during any inconvenient moment and just can’t seem to shrug off no matter how hard he tries.
Seungcheol never makes him feel like that.
With Seungcheol it’s a whole other sort of loneliness, the endless possibilities gnawing away at his insides. It’s the heat and fury of a hormone-fueled crush and the torture of companionship never being enough. It's like thinking one untethered, unattainable person is your whole world, except it's not and he isn't.
It has everything to do with Jeonghan Yoon leaving Soonyoung’s side just to badger him a little. He pretends to brush his dark bangs out of his face. “Wonwoo, is that you? What a surprise! Nice of you to come and hang out.”
Wonwoo isn’t above rolling his eyes at acquaintances and almost-friends, but for the sake of being polite, he doesn’t. “Thanks,” he drones. “Great to see you, too.”
Jeonghan gives him a smug little smile, cuffing his shoulder like the overfamiliar soccer jock he is. “You’re sooo funny. Really. Anyway, have you seen Seungcheol yet?”
“Sure,” Wonwoo says, fixing his glasses. “Met him at the door.”
Jeonghan hums. He looks thoroughly amused, which makes Wonwoo regret ever speaking to him in the first place. “That’s great.”
“You haven’t seen him tonight?”
“Oh, me?” Jeonghan shakes his head, chuckling. “No, no, I was asking for you.” He holds out his soju bottle, nodding at Wonwoo’s unopened beer. “Hey, you wanna trade? I don’t know if I still want this.” He says it like he’s doing Wonwoo a favor.
Wonwoo nods, taking him up on his offer for once.
"Hey, um.” Jeonghan is watching him intently, gears turning as he carefully picks his words. It’s so unlike him Wonwoo can’t help but internally wince. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? Even after all of this is… yeah. I just wanted to tell you that.”
A confused noise dies in Wonwoo’s mouth. “Um, alright. Sure.”
“Good talk,” Wonwoo echoes, watching Jeonghan walk away with a newfound purpose in his steps.
-
Like Seungcheol had told him, it isn’t a party at all. So when his friends start heading out late into the brisk night and Wonwoo realizes he’s been killing time all by his lonesome, he goes to the kitchen and feels a little relieved to see it’s still in-tact and not too dirty.
He’s washing his third glass before Seungcheol is beside him, cloaked in the darkness of his small living room.
“You don’t have to do that,” he says. He possessively takes Wonwoo’s wrist in his soft hand. “Are you gonna stay over? Think it's snowing out there.”
Wonwoo almost balks as some sort of twisted defense mechanism, but then the last traces of drunkenness and exhaustion start to trickle in and cloud his judgment. Seungcheol’s looking at him expectantly, and his hand is slowly trailing down to meet Wonwoo’s soapy one, and—
Wonwoo smiles a little stiltedly but nods. Lets himself be led to Seungcheol’s room.
-
“Hey, Wonwoo…”
Wonwoo’s eyes flutter open at the sound of Seungcheol’s tired voice. “Hm?”
He pushes his glasses up with a finger and squints up at him. Seungcheol stares back down at Wonwoo with sleepy, down-turned eyes. His face is drawn and solemn, his mouth bitten a worried red.
“I wanted to tell you now so I wouldn’t—ah—it’s not that serious. I just—“
Wonwoo sits up, pushing the blankets off his shoulders. “You can tell me.”
“It’s just— I’m graduating early. Um, in a couple of weeks,” Seungcheol mumbles, head downcast and hair falling over his face. “I think— I feel like I should’ve told you earlier."
“Hyung,” is all Wonwoo can whisper.
Seungcheol stiffens. Bad move. “I said you don’t have to call me that.”
“I want to,” he replies in Korean. When Wonwoo had first moved here for school he couldn’t shake the habit and he supposes he still can’t. The only fragment of honesty he can even offer Seungcheol is a rather pathetic one.
“Hyung, you’re still drunk.” He pats the space next to him on the mattress, speaking softly. “Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”
Seungcheol miserably rubs his eyes, laying down next to Wonwoo. His knees brush against Wonwoo’s bumpy spine before he reaches around and holds him by the waist. Wonwoo inhales sharply as strong, sure hands find a home over his solar plexus. He screws his eyes shut.
“I’m sorry.” Seungcheol’s voice is barely a murmur, warm lips grazing some part of Wonwoo’s neck. It makes him shiver and that makes Seungcheol tighten his grip.
“Gonna miss you a lot, you know?”
Wonwoo knows.
He knows this isn’t really about goodbyes, because Wonwoo might not ever want to move back to Changwon and if they both wanted to, they can make time for one another. He also knows he won’t be missed in the way he’s always selfishly wanted from Seungcheol, and knows he can’t do anything about that either.
His silence compels Seungcheol to somehow hold him even tighter. His third mistake, because Wonwoo lets himself imagine a lot of things while he’s still here. Miraculously, regretfully here in Seungcheol’s arms.
This doesn’t have to hurt now, and after a while, it won’t hurt at all.
Seungcheol falls asleep pretty quickly. Wonwoo stays quiet and listens to him breathe, letting himself be smothered in sensation and sound.
[FILL] i'm just a flicker in your head
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: college au, sharing a bed, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
Permission to remix: Yes
***
Seungcheol’s first mistake is inviting Wonwoo to his not-party.
Seungcheol has a habit of keeping himself very busy during the week. Busy with classes, with his part-time job. Much too busy to stay in touch with his close-knit group of friends from the team. Wonwoo only really knows Seungcheol, though, so this part is something he’s only heard from Seungcheol whining about his friends whining about him.
Wonwoo laughs along good-naturedly because it’s the normal thing to do. Then he goes back to happily eating the burger Seungcheol was kind enough to buy for him, maybe as some meager repayment for ghosting his texts all of last week.
But it’s fine. It’s whatever. Wonwoo doesn’t like to worry about these sorts of things. Plus, it’s a pretty decent burger, so he won’t complain about it.
Across from him, Seungcheol throws his phone down on the diner table, his own food forgotten. “You doing anything this weekend?”
He’s got this excited gleam in his dark, searching eyes. It’s making Wonwoo kind of nervous. Naturally, he’s too quick to reply, uncomfortably choking down the last french fry on his plate.
“Um, nothing really," he says through a cough. "What’s up?”
“Well, some of the guys from the team want to come over Friday night and hang out. Like, drinks and stuff,” Seungcheol says. “Something fun before finals season, you know?”
Slowly, Wonwoo leans back against the scratchy upholstery of their booth, taking Seungcheol in for the first time today. His soft hair rests in his eyes, overgrown and unruly around his face and ears. His skin is slightly paler than usual, stretched a little tighter around his watery eyes. The soccer sweatshirt he’s wearing is rumpled and has a weird stain on it.
Wonwoo does know, in fact. Seungcheol is tired. He looks like he desperately needs some fun.
“Don’t worry, it isn't a party,” Seungcheol clarifies.
Wonwoo nods.
It’s a shame that when it comes to Seungcheol, Wonwoo seems to lose all rationale and starts feeling a little crazy inside and forgets how to pick his words and also say them.
It’s also a shame that Seungcheol misinterprets it as hesitation or discomfort.
And it’s always like this. Wonwoo can feel his brain melt slowly like ice cream underneath a lamplight, and there is nothing he can do about it except watch and wait for Seungcheol to say something else, slicing through the fantasies deconstructing and rebuilding themselves within his mind.
"So… what do you think?"
The light above the booth flickers for a moment. Seungcheol’s pink lips split into his gummy smile, a dimple indenting his cheek. Wonwoo desperately wishes he had the strength to look away. Sometimes it’s fucking unbearable, being him and being next to Seungcheol.
Seungcheol bats his lashes at him, the hopefulness in his demeanor clear as day. “You in?”
-
His second mistake is pressing an ice-cold beer into Wonwoo’s ever-available hands.
The not-party is a gathering of something like twenty people—the perfect amount to chat up a couple of guys without ever getting too suffocated or sweaty in the apartment.
But none of that matters to Wonwoo, not when Seungcheol’s skin reflects fuzzy, yellow kitchen lighting and pink flush colors his cheeks from the pregaming Wonwoo knows he did earlier. Not when he looks so, so soft all around his edges. Warm and distracting as hell, like sitting too close to a bonfire.
“I’m so glad you could make it,” Seungcheol says, crescent moon eyes locking with his in a meaningful stare.
Wonwoo barks out a laugh, awkwardly sticking his hand in the pocket of his worn jeans. “God, you’re cheesy.”
“But you like it when I’m cheesy, right?” He takes a swig from his own bottle before giving Wonwoo another devastatingly toothy grin. “Tell me how much you like it.”
Wonwoo can only blink. His face is getting hot and he feels stupid. Wonders if the ungainly smile he knows he’s wearing looks like a grimace.
“Ah, I’m just messing with you. Anyway, you should go… mingle and stuff. Seriously! Go, it’s okay. I’ll be here.”
Nodding, Wonwoo obediently stalks off to find Soonyoung.
-
Wonwoo's Seungcheol problem actually has very little to do with Seungcheol. Or that's what he tells himself, at least.
It has everything to do with how Wonwoo can’t comfortably spend another moment with Soonyoung when Soonyoung has worked so very hard for his title as the life of the party and gets busy entertaining his other friends instead of talking to him about something obscure and interesting enough to hold Wonwoo over for the night. It has everything to do with the bone-deep loneliness that comes with being the odd one out—a secret, shameful feeling that strikes him during any inconvenient moment and just can’t seem to shrug off no matter how hard he tries.
Seungcheol never makes him feel like that.
With Seungcheol it’s a whole other sort of loneliness, the endless possibilities gnawing away at his insides. It’s the heat and fury of a hormone-fueled crush and the torture of companionship never being enough. It's like thinking one untethered, unattainable person is your whole world, except it's not and he isn't.
It has everything to do with Jeonghan Yoon leaving Soonyoung’s side just to badger him a little. He pretends to brush his dark bangs out of his face. “Wonwoo, is that you? What a surprise! Nice of you to come and hang out.”
Wonwoo isn’t above rolling his eyes at acquaintances and almost-friends, but for the sake of being polite, he doesn’t. “Thanks,” he drones. “Great to see you, too.”
Jeonghan gives him a smug little smile, cuffing his shoulder like the overfamiliar soccer jock he is. “You’re sooo funny. Really. Anyway, have you seen Seungcheol yet?”
“Sure,” Wonwoo says, fixing his glasses. “Met him at the door.”
Jeonghan hums. He looks thoroughly amused, which makes Wonwoo regret ever speaking to him in the first place. “That’s great.”
“You haven’t seen him tonight?”
“Oh, me?” Jeonghan shakes his head, chuckling. “No, no, I was asking for you.” He holds out his soju bottle, nodding at Wonwoo’s unopened beer. “Hey, you wanna trade? I don’t know if I still want this.” He says it like he’s doing Wonwoo a favor.
Wonwoo nods, taking him up on his offer for once.
"Hey, um.” Jeonghan is watching him intently, gears turning as he carefully picks his words. It’s so unlike him Wonwoo can’t help but internally wince. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? Even after all of this is… yeah. I just wanted to tell you that.”
A confused noise dies in Wonwoo’s mouth. “Um, alright. Sure.”
“Good,” Jeonghan says, nodding very seriously, lips decisively pursed. “Good talk.”
“Good talk,” Wonwoo echoes, watching Jeonghan walk away with a newfound purpose in his steps.
-
Like Seungcheol had told him, it isn’t a party at all. So when his friends start heading out late into the brisk night and Wonwoo realizes he’s been killing time all by his lonesome, he goes to the kitchen and feels a little relieved to see it’s still in-tact and not too dirty.
He’s washing his third glass before Seungcheol is beside him, cloaked in the darkness of his small living room.
“You don’t have to do that,” he says. He possessively takes Wonwoo’s wrist in his soft hand. “Are you gonna stay over? Think it's snowing out there.”
Wonwoo almost balks as some sort of twisted defense mechanism, but then the last traces of drunkenness and exhaustion start to trickle in and cloud his judgment. Seungcheol’s looking at him expectantly, and his hand is slowly trailing down to meet Wonwoo’s soapy one, and—
Wonwoo smiles a little stiltedly but nods. Lets himself be led to Seungcheol’s room.
-
“Hey, Wonwoo…”
Wonwoo’s eyes flutter open at the sound of Seungcheol’s tired voice. “Hm?”
He pushes his glasses up with a finger and squints up at him. Seungcheol stares back down at Wonwoo with sleepy, down-turned eyes. His face is drawn and solemn, his mouth bitten a worried red.
“I wanted to tell you now so I wouldn’t—ah—it’s not that serious. I just—“
Wonwoo sits up, pushing the blankets off his shoulders. “You can tell me.”
“It’s just— I’m graduating early. Um, in a couple of weeks,” Seungcheol mumbles, head downcast and hair falling over his face. “I think— I feel like I should’ve told you earlier."
“Hyung,” is all Wonwoo can whisper.
Seungcheol stiffens. Bad move. “I said you don’t have to call me that.”
“I want to,” he replies in Korean. When Wonwoo had first moved here for school he couldn’t shake the habit and he supposes he still can’t. The only fragment of honesty he can even offer Seungcheol is a rather pathetic one.
“Hyung, you’re still drunk.” He pats the space next to him on the mattress, speaking softly. “Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”
Seungcheol miserably rubs his eyes, laying down next to Wonwoo. His knees brush against Wonwoo’s bumpy spine before he reaches around and holds him by the waist. Wonwoo inhales sharply as strong, sure hands find a home over his solar plexus. He screws his eyes shut.
“I’m sorry.” Seungcheol’s voice is barely a murmur, warm lips grazing some part of Wonwoo’s neck. It makes him shiver and that makes Seungcheol tighten his grip.
“Gonna miss you a lot, you know?”
Wonwoo knows.
He knows this isn’t really about goodbyes, because Wonwoo might not ever want to move back to Changwon and if they both wanted to, they can make time for one another. He also knows he won’t be missed in the way he’s always selfishly wanted from Seungcheol, and knows he can’t do anything about that either.
His silence compels Seungcheol to somehow hold him even tighter. His third mistake, because Wonwoo lets himself imagine a lot of things while he’s still here. Miraculously, regretfully here in Seungcheol’s arms.
This doesn’t have to hurt now, and after a while, it won’t hurt at all.
Seungcheol falls asleep pretty quickly. Wonwoo stays quiet and listens to him breathe, letting himself be smothered in sensation and sound.