Ship/Member: Jihoon Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: character study, idolverse, burnout? Permission to remix: Yes
***
“Music is not about the man behind it, and therefore any interest people have in me is unwarranted. All they need to know, all they should want to know, is already there in the music.”- THROAM
Jihoon is twenty years old and his shoulders are not wide enough for the weight that’s been placed on them. When it was just a few of them, the idea of composing seemed fun, exciting. There are twelve other boys now, an entire company, his own pride like a metal breastplate. If he thinks about it too much he can’t breathe. So, he doesn’t.
Jihoon is twenty years old the first and only time he lets himself cry about it. Cameras pointed at all of them and he can’t help the tears that leak from his eyes. Seungcheol is the closest to understanding, but even he can’t really grasp what it feels like. Jihoon makes the music that will decide their careers. The company is already scraping a budget together. There is no second chance. They have to be perfect. He has to be perfect. The problem is that Jihoon has never been able to be anything but himself.
It’s a modest success. No debut trophy, but they make an impact. The weight should be lifted but it isn’t. It’s almost worse. Here is what they sound like, here is what Woozi of Seventeen can do. Now he has to do better. Between practice and composing he barely sees the dorm. Seungcheol’s eyes linger on his in the hall next to the tiny space he’s carved out for himself. He’s worried, but Seungcheol is starting to get it now. This is something that Jihoon has to carry. So he does.
It takes Jihoon a long time to accept the weight. He works out, he goes to practice, and he spends night after night in the studio. He gets stronger. The pressure never lessens, no, Jihoon just gets better at managing it. Maybe they all do. Years in and everything feels easier. Jihoon hears their parts while he’s writing. He knows everything about the group. Strengths and weaknesses and how to divide parts to keep everyone as happy as he can.
Sometimes Jihoon thinks about enlistment, disbandment. Will he be satisfied with what he’s left behind? What is the truth and what is a lie dressed up for the public? None of it feels sustainable. Jihoon is twenty six years old and the only thing he is good for is carving out pieces of himself and putting them in songs. Money and fame and sleepless nights. Old aches and old friends and music as his only constant.
Eventually, the creative well will run dry. What will he be good for then?
[FILL] ode to the has-been (where did the party go?)
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: character study, idolverse, burnout?
Permission to remix: Yes
***
“Music is not about the man behind it, and therefore any interest people have in me is unwarranted. All they need to know, all they should want to know, is already there in the music.”- THROAM
Jihoon is twenty years old and his shoulders are not wide enough for the weight that’s been placed on them. When it was just a few of them, the idea of composing seemed fun, exciting. There are twelve other boys now, an entire company, his own pride like a metal breastplate. If he thinks about it too much he can’t breathe. So, he doesn’t.
Jihoon is twenty years old the first and only time he lets himself cry about it. Cameras pointed at all of them and he can’t help the tears that leak from his eyes. Seungcheol is the closest to understanding, but even he can’t really grasp what it feels like. Jihoon makes the music that will decide their careers. The company is already scraping a budget together. There is no second chance. They have to be perfect. He has to be perfect. The problem is that Jihoon has never been able to be anything but himself.
It’s a modest success. No debut trophy, but they make an impact. The weight should be lifted but it isn’t. It’s almost worse. Here is what they sound like, here is what Woozi of Seventeen can do. Now he has to do better. Between practice and composing he barely sees the dorm. Seungcheol’s eyes linger on his in the hall next to the tiny space he’s carved out for himself. He’s worried, but Seungcheol is starting to get it now. This is something that Jihoon has to carry. So he does.
It takes Jihoon a long time to accept the weight. He works out, he goes to practice, and he spends night after night in the studio. He gets stronger. The pressure never lessens, no, Jihoon just gets better at managing it. Maybe they all do. Years in and everything feels easier. Jihoon hears their parts while he’s writing. He knows everything about the group. Strengths and weaknesses and how to divide parts to keep everyone as happy as he can.
Sometimes Jihoon thinks about enlistment, disbandment. Will he be satisfied with what he’s left behind? What is the truth and what is a lie dressed up for the public? None of it feels sustainable. Jihoon is twenty six years old and the only thing he is good for is carving out pieces of himself and putting them in songs. Money and fame and sleepless nights. Old aches and old friends and music as his only constant.
Eventually, the creative well will run dry. What will he be good for then?