Ship/Member: Seungkwan/Vernon Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: angst, falling out of love, thinking about love that wasn't meant to last, accepting the hurt Permission to remix: Yes
written at the speed of light bc i love this kinda angst. i didn't really make them meet after years, sorry :// ***
There are days when Hansol's mind is violently pulled towards Seungkwan. Some days it's caused by an old t-shirt he finds during spring cleaning in his closed, other times it's the smell of his one-night stand's cologne and a week after that it's hearing a song he remembers Seungkwan had on their shared playlist, back when they had only one Spotify account and fought to play the music they liked.
Most of the time he thinks about Seungkwan, he's remembering, not wishing for things to change or magically improve, he's just… torturing himself with the memories. And memories are never the true reflection of past events and feelings—they are curated, polished, photoshopped into perfection by his mind's eye. And he knows, he knows, but he still misses that idealized past that never existed.
He wants his Seungkwan back. Not his true self, but the version that will go on to live in his head. And it's not possible.
They are both doing well with their careers, busy with meetings and packed schedules that never seem to slow down the pace, leaving them burnt out. Maybe that's why it didn't work out, Hansol thinks sometimes. Maybe that's the reason Seungkwan stopped looking at him with so much love in his eyes one day. It didn't happen in one day, Hansol understands that, but he noticed it a month before their breakup and it was the moment he knew this was over and the feelings would never come back.
Hansol never texts him, he deleted the number from his phone. He still remembers it, but whenever he catches himself mindlessly typing it on the keyboard, he turns off the device. Seungkwan has called him once over the past two years. It lasted half a minute and Hansol never picked up, just stared at the number on the screen, mesmerized by the way his chest ached.
This wound won't scar. It will always bleed, drop by drop, and all he can do is to stop picking at it so much. He's not sure he can. He saw Seungkwan with someone in a coffee shop a few days ago. He was laughing, an untouched cup of black coffee standing on the table before him. Hansol imagined himself in the place of Seungkwan's partner for a few seconds.
He couldn't.
That's not what he wants—he wants their past back. He wishes he was twenty again, struggling to balance his job and studying. He misses sharing headphones with Seungkwan and making shitty ramen in their small kitchen at 3 AM. Their love wasn't meant to last.
[Fill]
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: angst, falling out of love, thinking about love that wasn't meant to last, accepting the hurt
Permission to remix: Yes
written at the speed of light bc i love this kinda angst. i didn't really make them meet after years, sorry ://
***
There are days when Hansol's mind is violently pulled towards Seungkwan. Some days it's caused by an old t-shirt he finds during spring cleaning in his closed, other times it's the smell of his one-night stand's cologne and a week after that it's hearing a song he remembers Seungkwan had on their shared playlist, back when they had only one Spotify account and fought to play the music they liked.
Most of the time he thinks about Seungkwan, he's remembering, not wishing for things to change or magically improve, he's just… torturing himself with the memories. And memories are never the true reflection of past events and feelings—they are curated, polished, photoshopped into perfection by his mind's eye. And he knows, he knows, but he still misses that idealized past that never existed.
He wants his Seungkwan back. Not his true self, but the version that will go on to live in his head. And it's not possible.
They are both doing well with their careers, busy with meetings and packed schedules that never seem to slow down the pace, leaving them burnt out. Maybe that's why it didn't work out, Hansol thinks sometimes. Maybe that's the reason Seungkwan stopped looking at him with so much love in his eyes one day. It didn't happen in one day, Hansol understands that, but he noticed it a month before their breakup and it was the moment he knew this was over and the feelings would never come back.
Hansol never texts him, he deleted the number from his phone. He still remembers it, but whenever he catches himself mindlessly typing it on the keyboard, he turns off the device. Seungkwan has called him once over the past two years. It lasted half a minute and Hansol never picked up, just stared at the number on the screen, mesmerized by the way his chest ached.
This wound won't scar. It will always bleed, drop by drop, and all he can do is to stop picking at it so much. He's not sure he can.
He saw Seungkwan with someone in a coffee shop a few days ago. He was laughing, an untouched cup of black coffee standing on the table before him. Hansol imagined himself in the place of Seungkwan's partner for a few seconds.
He couldn't.
That's not what he wants—he wants their past back. He wishes he was twenty again, struggling to balance his job and studying. He misses sharing headphones with Seungkwan and making shitty ramen in their small kitchen at 3 AM. Their love wasn't meant to last.