Ship/Member: Jeonghan/Seokmin, Jeonghan/Seungcheol (implied) Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: AI, breakups, violence, open ending, becoming human and feeling too many things, if i can't have you no one else can Permission to remix: Yes
this is heavily inspired by this scene from agents of shield, season 4 ep 21. you can totally watch it if you don't care about spoilers.
***
Jeonghan is crying, silent hiccups shaking his body as he hides his face between his palms. The impulse to hold him is too strong to resist; Seokmin reaches his arm out to engulf him in an embrace, whispering little nothings into his ear.
“It’s alright,” he says, a lie. He’s never been able to lie before, he’s never been able to feel just as much as he is now. The gut-wrenching guilt, the empathic sadness in seeing Jeonghan reduced to a shell of what he usually is, bright, beautiful. “It’s going to be alright.”
“No,” Jeonghan croaks out. “It’s ruined, forever. I ruined it. He’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done.”
The pang in Seokmin’s chest is unfamiliar, new. Every emotion is a discovery, every beat of his new heart feels like a small victory. Despite the whirlwind of desperation swirling in his stomach, Seokmin holds Jeonghan’s hand, fingers intertwining to try and ease his pain.
“You know, the reason why I tried to get closer to you in the first place was to try and understand what you two and Seungcheol felt for each other.”
Jeonghan’s head snaps up, red-rimmed eyes staring at Seokmin as if he’s seeing a ghost, as if Seokmin is made of glass and he’s just looking through him. It makes him feel… small. Insignificant. A shiver runs through his body, uncontrollable. An emotion builds, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
“Felt,” Jeonghan says, “You’re right, what we felt. I bet he can’t even stomach looking at me now.”
Seokmin’s fingers squeeze Jeonghan’s in silent comfort, a lump clogging his throat as he tries to search for the right words. It used to be so simple, when his body was made of wires and synthetic skin, when his synapsis was fueled by zeros and ones. The world is different now, clearer, sharper. More painful.
“There isn’t space in my heart for two people,” Jeonghan says, voice broken. “You were everything to me, back then.”
“I know,” Seokmin says, eyes finding Jeonghan’s. Their gazes meet, and Seokmin feels sparks flying inside him - his heart beats faster, real, flesh that he couldn’t hope to have until just a few days before. Being human is all about feeling, and now he understands. “I get it now. As much as I could try to understand you before, I was still limited by my programming. But now, I get it.”
Seokmin smiles, despite the ache below his sternum. “I know now, how deeply you love.” “You do understand, don’t you?” Jeonghan looks at him now, stares at him for real, eyes focusing on Seokmin, seeing him for the first time since he changed, evolved into something that he shouldn’t have been; human, flawed.
“I do. It’s sad, but…” Seokmin takes in Jeonghan’s tear stained cheeks, the puffiness below his eyes. “Beautiful. Like a deep ache, right here.” His hand touches Jeonghan’s chest, and he feels his heartbeat below his palm, feels the soft fabric of his shirt over his new skin. “But it’s not bad. It’s almost comforting.”
Jeonghan lets out a dry chuckle, and his hand moves to cup Seokmin’s cheek, thumb stroking away the lonely tear that has escaped his eye. “You’ve always been a romantic, Seokmin,” Jeonghan says, gentle, sweet. “Even when you were nothing more than your programming.”
It stings, just a bit, a sour taste covering his tongue.
“You understand, right? That I can only love him?”
Seokmin stares, eyes blinking once, twice.
It hits him, like water boiling, like lava spilling out of a volcano.
“What?” he asks, watching as Jeonghan’s tentative smile falls off his face, his hand retracting to his side. “What do you mean him?”
Confusion clouds Jeonghan’s face, his eyebrows pinching together.
“What do you mean him? What about me?”
“Seok, you were everything to me, for a while, but…” Jeonghan’s not smiling, drawing back from Seokmin as if he were a threat. As if, after everything he’d been through to be with Jeonghan, he didn’t deserve to be at his side. “It’s Seungcheol. It’s always been Seungcheol.”
“No!” The yell that tears out from Seokmin’s throat is loud, unrestrained, bounces off the walls of the room as he raises to tower over Jeonghan; the rage builds, bubbling out of him as he clutches the lapels of Jeonghan’s jacket to drag him to his feet.
“You don’t get to do this to me,” Seokmin seethes, anger shaking him to his bones, the bones that were once made of metal and are now real ones, bones that he gained, that he deserves. Just like he deserves Jeonghan’s love. “I clawed my way to you.”
“Seok,” Jeonghan tries to say, hands trying to pry Seokmin’s fingers off him. “This is a new emotion for you. It’s hard to process, but…”
“You don’t get to decide what I should or shouldn’t feel, not anymore!” Seokmin bellows, feeling his heart thumping in his ears, loud, wild. Jeonghan looks terrified. Good, Seokmin thinks, good that you fear for your life, because mine doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have you by my side.
“I did this all by myself! I fought, to have bones, and blood, and freedom!” The blinding rage has him pushing Jeonghan against a wall, hands tight around his throat. “To have a choice, to have love! You can’t take that from me!”
Deafening sirens go off in the background, but all Seokmin can focus on is the pain blooming inside of him and the one of Jeonghan’s nails scraping over his skin, trying to get himself free from his hold, trying to get away from him.
“If I can’t have you, no one else can,” Seokmin whispers, watching Jeonghan fight for his life, just like Seokmin did. Good, that he’s suffering, Seokmin thinks. He needs to know how he felt, too.
it hurts, it hurts, it hurts
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: AI, breakups, violence, open ending, becoming human and feeling too many things, if i can't have you no one else can
Permission to remix: Yes
this is heavily inspired by this scene from agents of shield, season 4 ep 21. you can totally watch it if you don't care about spoilers.
***
Jeonghan is crying, silent hiccups shaking his body as he hides his face between his palms. The impulse to hold him is too strong to resist; Seokmin reaches his arm out to engulf him in an embrace, whispering little nothings into his ear.
“It’s alright,” he says, a lie. He’s never been able to lie before, he’s never been able to feel just as much as he is now. The gut-wrenching guilt, the empathic sadness in seeing Jeonghan reduced to a shell of what he usually is, bright, beautiful. “It’s going to be alright.”
“No,” Jeonghan croaks out. “It’s ruined, forever. I ruined it. He’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done.”
The pang in Seokmin’s chest is unfamiliar, new. Every emotion is a discovery, every beat of his new heart feels like a small victory. Despite the whirlwind of desperation swirling in his stomach, Seokmin holds Jeonghan’s hand, fingers intertwining to try and ease his pain.
“You know, the reason why I tried to get closer to you in the first place was to try and understand what you two and Seungcheol felt for each other.”
Jeonghan’s head snaps up, red-rimmed eyes staring at Seokmin as if he’s seeing a ghost, as if Seokmin is made of glass and he’s just looking through him. It makes him feel… small. Insignificant. A shiver runs through his body, uncontrollable. An emotion builds, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
“Felt,” Jeonghan says, “You’re right, what we felt. I bet he can’t even stomach looking at me now.”
Seokmin’s fingers squeeze Jeonghan’s in silent comfort, a lump clogging his throat as he tries to search for the right words. It used to be so simple, when his body was made of wires and synthetic skin, when his synapsis was fueled by zeros and ones. The world is different now, clearer, sharper. More painful.
“There isn’t space in my heart for two people,” Jeonghan says, voice broken. “You were everything to me, back then.”
“I know,” Seokmin says, eyes finding Jeonghan’s. Their gazes meet, and Seokmin feels sparks flying inside him - his heart beats faster, real, flesh that he couldn’t hope to have until just a few days before. Being human is all about feeling, and now he understands. “I get it now. As much as I could try to understand you before, I was still limited by my programming. But now, I get it.”
Seokmin smiles, despite the ache below his sternum. “I know now, how deeply you love.”
“You do understand, don’t you?” Jeonghan looks at him now, stares at him for real, eyes focusing on Seokmin, seeing him for the first time since he changed, evolved into something that he shouldn’t have been; human, flawed.
“I do. It’s sad, but…” Seokmin takes in Jeonghan’s tear stained cheeks, the puffiness below his eyes. “Beautiful. Like a deep ache, right here.” His hand touches Jeonghan’s chest, and he feels his heartbeat below his palm, feels the soft fabric of his shirt over his new skin. “But it’s not bad. It’s almost comforting.”
Jeonghan lets out a dry chuckle, and his hand moves to cup Seokmin’s cheek, thumb stroking away the lonely tear that has escaped his eye.
“You’ve always been a romantic, Seokmin,” Jeonghan says, gentle, sweet. “Even when you were nothing more than your programming.”
It stings, just a bit, a sour taste covering his tongue.
“You understand, right? That I can only love him?”
Seokmin stares, eyes blinking once, twice.
It hits him, like water boiling, like lava spilling out of a volcano.
“What?” he asks, watching as Jeonghan’s tentative smile falls off his face, his hand retracting to his side. “What do you mean him?”
Confusion clouds Jeonghan’s face, his eyebrows pinching together.
“What do you mean him? What about me?”
“Seok, you were everything to me, for a while, but…” Jeonghan’s not smiling, drawing back from Seokmin as if he were a threat. As if, after everything he’d been through to be with Jeonghan, he didn’t deserve to be at his side. “It’s Seungcheol. It’s always been Seungcheol.”
“No!” The yell that tears out from Seokmin’s throat is loud, unrestrained, bounces off the walls of the room as he raises to tower over Jeonghan; the rage builds, bubbling out of him as he clutches the lapels of Jeonghan’s jacket to drag him to his feet.
“You don’t get to do this to me,” Seokmin seethes, anger shaking him to his bones, the bones that were once made of metal and are now real ones, bones that he gained, that he deserves. Just like he deserves Jeonghan’s love. “I clawed my way to you.”
“Seok,” Jeonghan tries to say, hands trying to pry Seokmin’s fingers off him. “This is a new emotion for you. It’s hard to process, but…”
“You don’t get to decide what I should or shouldn’t feel, not anymore!” Seokmin bellows, feeling his heart thumping in his ears, loud, wild. Jeonghan looks terrified. Good, Seokmin thinks, good that you fear for your life, because mine doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have you by my side.
“I did this all by myself! I fought, to have bones, and blood, and freedom!” The blinding rage has him pushing Jeonghan against a wall, hands tight around his throat. “To have a choice, to have love! You can’t take that from me!”
Deafening sirens go off in the background, but all Seokmin can focus on is the pain blooming inside of him and the one of Jeonghan’s nails scraping over his skin, trying to get himself free from his hold, trying to get away from him.
“If I can’t have you, no one else can,” Seokmin whispers, watching Jeonghan fight for his life, just like Seokmin did. Good, that he’s suffering, Seokmin thinks. He needs to know how he felt, too.