Ship/Member: Jeonghan/Seokmin Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: Blood, Overwhelming specter of terminal illness, Parksborn your boys 2k21 Permission to remix: Yes
If this is revised from a long essay I sent to someone about Parksborn then no it isn't <3 Originally wrote this in second person also in a car and I have motion sickness so mistakes are my own fault. ***
You want me to be the villain, so I am.
Is love a promise or a threat?
There are things Jeonghan would do for him that he'd do for no one else. Recreate himself, break off the pieces that upset him to keep him close. Remold, revise, rewrite his less than savory history for a future that will keep him warm at night.
Seokmin is a good man. An honest man, an evolution of the lanky stringbean of a boy he fell head over heels for way back when. Scraped knees and sunburnt shoulders, hazy comforts. A pair of unwanted boys creating their own stories. In the end, all they will have is each other. When they tell their story, it will be them against the world.
Seokmin’s loyalty hangs over him like a promise. Anything you need, hyung, I'll do anything for you. Jeonghan was born with the world at his fingertips. He only has ever needed one thing.
Seokmin says he loves him.
Love is a promise.
All of Jeonghan’s firsts will end up belonging to him.
But you don't belong to him, do you? You've never really belonged anywhere.
Jeonghan has never had to ask for anything. He's not used to asking so openly. But the one thing he needs makes Seokmin balk, and god, he's fucking bleeding out in his arms in real time and Seokmin won't give it to him.
We don't know what it would do to you, he claims. But wouldn't love be reason enough to keep Jeonghan alive?
Love is weakness.
Seokmin undoes it this time. Rewrites his and Jeonghan’s history, tells him that what he needs is what he can't have.
You liar, you don't love me, too. It's easy for you, after all.
Seokmin calls him selfish, but Jeonghan has only known self-preservation. Being wanted is something that he's strived for his whole useless life, and Seokmin knows the intimate details more intricately than any therapist, any journal, any assistant who's heard him cry before getting fired.
It's to keep you safe, he claims. What is safe when you will die, poisoned by the breath of your own wanting? He's never wanted anything so fucking much. How is it selfish to want to be alive?
The gauntlet feels heavy in your hands. But: love is a fight.
Seokmin is pleading with him now, red suit torn to shreds, heart heavy in his outstretched hands, to see the error of his ways. To choose him. But he couldn't even choose you, remember?
And oh, he's bleeding now. Really, truly bleeding and it's beautiful. His blood shines like a star, like his eyes when he cries, when he begs for his life.
You're not a bad person, Jeonghan, he says, crimson shining from his lips. Jeonghan’s lips curl in a sneer.
FILL: evil isn't born, it's made
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: Blood, Overwhelming specter of terminal illness, Parksborn your boys 2k21
Permission to remix: Yes
If this is revised from a long essay I sent to someone about Parksborn then no it isn't <3 Originally wrote this in second person also in a car and I have motion sickness so mistakes are my own fault.
***
You want me to be the villain, so I am.
Is love a promise or a threat?
There are things Jeonghan would do for him that he'd do for no one else. Recreate himself, break off the pieces that upset him to keep him close. Remold, revise, rewrite his less than savory history for a future that will keep him warm at night.
Seokmin is a good man. An honest man, an evolution of the lanky stringbean of a boy he fell head over heels for way back when. Scraped knees and sunburnt shoulders, hazy comforts. A pair of unwanted boys creating their own stories. In the end, all they will have is each other. When they tell their story, it will be them against the world.
Seokmin’s loyalty hangs over him like a promise. Anything you need, hyung, I'll do anything for you. Jeonghan was born with the world at his fingertips. He only has ever needed one thing.
Seokmin says he loves him.
Love is a promise.
All of Jeonghan’s firsts will end up belonging to him.
But you don't belong to him, do you? You've never really belonged anywhere.
Jeonghan has never had to ask for anything. He's not used to asking so openly. But the one thing he needs makes Seokmin balk, and god, he's fucking bleeding out in his arms in real time and Seokmin won't give it to him.
We don't know what it would do to you, he claims. But wouldn't love be reason enough to keep Jeonghan alive?
Love is weakness.
Seokmin undoes it this time. Rewrites his and Jeonghan’s history, tells him that what he needs is what he can't have.
You liar, you don't love me, too. It's easy for you, after all.
Seokmin calls him selfish, but Jeonghan has only known self-preservation. Being wanted is something that he's strived for his whole useless life, and Seokmin knows the intimate details more intricately than any therapist, any journal, any assistant who's heard him cry before getting fired.
It's to keep you safe, he claims. What is safe when you will die, poisoned by the breath of your own wanting? He's never wanted anything so fucking much. How is it selfish to want to be alive?
The gauntlet feels heavy in your hands. But: love is a fight.
Seokmin is pleading with him now, red suit torn to shreds, heart heavy in his outstretched hands, to see the error of his ways. To choose him. But he couldn't even choose you, remember?
And oh, he's bleeding now. Really, truly bleeding and it's beautiful. His blood shines like a star, like his eyes when he cries, when he begs for his life.
You're not a bad person, Jeonghan, he says, crimson shining from his lips. Jeonghan’s lips curl in a sneer.
He's a villain of Seokmin’s own making.