Ship/Member: seokmin/jeonghan Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: ambiguous r/s, angst Permission to remix: please ask!
***
never be so kind you forget to be clever never be so clever you forget to be kind - taylor swift, marjorie
On a bright winter day, a stranger drops into a stool at the bar and determinedly asks the bartender to make him the heaviest drink he can. Says he wants it to pack a punch, wants it to feel it burning at the back of his throat, a kick in the teeth — only the words sound clumsy coming out of his mouth, like he’s not really used to asking for what he wants.
Needless to say, Jeonghan is intrigued.
He clicks his tongue sympathetically. “Tough day?”
The stranger lets out a disbelieving scoff, grin sharp and bitter and angry before he realizes he’s being talked to. It settles down into something softer. Nicer, on the whole.
“Yeah, sorry,” the stranger says, hands curling around the glass, and it’s almost as if he visibly shrinks in size, neatening out. Packages himself smaller and smaller, and becomes easier on the eyes, more palatable, so that Jeonghan doesn’t get cut on his edges.
How terribly considerate. How terribly kind.
Jeonghan’s interest grows.
He idly wonders what it would be like to tug at the strings, to watch it all come undone. He thinks that he’d want to be there when it happens. Not because he wants to watch a spectacular crash, but because he remembers what it’s like to realize that the world doesn’t remember kindness. It’s an entirely different beast, one that devours any traces of softness and leaves nothing behind but heavy metal. You’re never as lost as you are then.
Jeonghan scrapes out a sympathetic smile and extends his hand. “Need a friend?”
The look that the stranger gives him is full of emotions Jeonghan can’t quite place, too slippery to get a feel for in the half-dimmed lights of a dingy bar that has way too many patrons in it for midday. He clicks his teeth in annoyance. He used to be better at this.
Damn, he must be getting old.
The stranger takes his hand and shakes it haltingly. His name is Lee Seokmin. He isn’t half too bad, in this lighting. He’s certainly not too bad in bed either: the comically oversized jacket gives way to deceptively broad shoulders and strong thighs that demand their own devotion, a religion in its own right.
Oddly enough, Jeonghan feels like a sinner.
—
It’s only a coincidence that they found each other. Jeonghan doesn’t believe in love, or fate. Doesn’t feel the need to, because they’ve never done him any favors — there’s no need to keep a tab open now.
He doesn’t have to ask Seokmin to know he thinks otherwise. He knew it from the moment the other man walked in that he was different.
And despite all that, Jeonghan finds himself wanting to keep him in his hands for a little while longer, captivated by the way that Seokmin is painfully transparent, his entire body becoming a vessel of feeling and thinking and worrying. He both envies Seokmin and pities him.
(He loves him even more for it.)
Jeonghan had gotten angry once, infuriated at the way Seokmin turned placating and pliant in the face of conflict, taking each of the barbs Jeonghan had tossed out at him. It felt like punching a wall.
Jeonghan is nothing if not clever, and every comment is malicious, armed with the intent to kill. When he gets angry, he forgets to be the same Jeonghan that sat down at the bar that one fateful winter day with Seokmin, or the same Jeonghan who sings to Seokmin long after he’s fallen asleep because he enjoys the way Seokmin looks under moonlight, or the same Jeonghan who sits and massages Seokmin’s feet after long days at the restaurant even after a long day of his own.
He’s so much worse.
Jeonghan had broken down then, when he realized it, these horrible sobs that he forgot he could make. Aren’t you mad I’ve tricked you, Seokmin-ah? I’m not as kind as you think I am.
Seokmin, unfailing good, unflinchingly kind, had wiped his tears. No. You’re so much better.
But by then, he had already made up his mind.
Jeonghan glances at the boy sleeping in his bed, face free of any worries and achingly young. He wonders if he ever looked like that in Seokmin’s eyes.
Jeonghan isn’t cruel or stupid. He just wants more time. He’s gotten so greedy now, swallowing up every last bit of Seokmin’s kindness, tilting his face up up upwards, towards sunlight. The solace of sturdy arms. A steady heart.
Maybe in another life he’d be able to use those things to carve himself a home.
“I’ll miss you,” Jeonghan whispers to Seokmin, who mumbles in his sleep and curls his arm around Jeonghan’s bare waist. Blissfully unaware.
Jeonghan closes his eyes. Just for a little while longer.
***
a/n: nngh first time writing yjh pov but the lyrics are really haunting n beautiful i hope it did the prompt justice!! angst isn’t my strongest suit but i rly wanted to try my hand at it.. i just think the contrast of lsm being kind but not clever vs yjh being one but not the other provides rly good avenues to explore their relationship n breakup dynamics — the idea that what that caused them to get together in the first place is also what causes them to grate on each other, the eventual fraying due to the unknowns (ie “is love enough to keep us together”) is something that tugs at me so (ur undoing is also ur downfall!) so maybe one day ill have the strength to revisit this and make it longfic but for now xx also ive formatted this on my phone so i might fix it later when i wake up bc its like 3am oops
[FILL] and if i didn’t know better
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: ambiguous r/s, angst
Permission to remix: please ask!
***
On a bright winter day, a stranger drops into a stool at the bar and determinedly asks the bartender to make him the heaviest drink he can. Says he wants it to pack a punch, wants it to feel it burning at the back of his throat, a kick in the teeth — only the words sound clumsy coming out of his mouth, like he’s not really used to asking for what he wants.
Needless to say, Jeonghan is intrigued.
He clicks his tongue sympathetically. “Tough day?”
The stranger lets out a disbelieving scoff, grin sharp and bitter and angry before he realizes he’s being talked to. It settles down into something softer. Nicer, on the whole.
“Yeah, sorry,” the stranger says, hands curling around the glass, and it’s almost as if he visibly shrinks in size, neatening out. Packages himself smaller and smaller, and becomes easier on the eyes, more palatable, so that Jeonghan doesn’t get cut on his edges.
How terribly considerate. How terribly kind.
Jeonghan’s interest grows.
He idly wonders what it would be like to tug at the strings, to watch it all come undone. He thinks that he’d want to be there when it happens. Not because he wants to watch a spectacular crash, but because he remembers what it’s like to realize that the world doesn’t remember kindness. It’s an entirely different beast, one that devours any traces of softness and leaves nothing behind but heavy metal. You’re never as lost as you are then.
Jeonghan scrapes out a sympathetic smile and extends his hand. “Need a friend?”
The look that the stranger gives him is full of emotions Jeonghan can’t quite place, too slippery to get a feel for in the half-dimmed lights of a dingy bar that has way too many patrons in it for midday. He clicks his teeth in annoyance. He used to be better at this.
Damn, he must be getting old.
The stranger takes his hand and shakes it haltingly. His name is Lee Seokmin. He isn’t half too bad, in this lighting. He’s certainly not too bad in bed either: the comically oversized jacket gives way to deceptively broad shoulders and strong thighs that demand their own devotion, a religion in its own right.
Oddly enough, Jeonghan feels like a sinner.
—
It’s only a coincidence that they found each other. Jeonghan doesn’t believe in love, or fate. Doesn’t feel the need to, because they’ve never done him any favors — there’s no need to keep a tab open now.
He doesn’t have to ask Seokmin to know he thinks otherwise. He knew it from the moment the other man walked in that he was different.
And despite all that, Jeonghan finds himself wanting to keep him in his hands for a little while longer, captivated by the way that Seokmin is painfully transparent, his entire body becoming a vessel of feeling and thinking and worrying. He both envies Seokmin and pities him.
(He loves him even more for it.)
Jeonghan had gotten angry once, infuriated at the way Seokmin turned placating and pliant in the face of conflict, taking each of the barbs Jeonghan had tossed out at him. It felt like punching a wall.
Jeonghan is nothing if not clever, and every comment is malicious, armed with the intent to kill. When he gets angry, he forgets to be the same Jeonghan that sat down at the bar that one fateful winter day with Seokmin, or the same Jeonghan who sings to Seokmin long after he’s fallen asleep because he enjoys the way Seokmin looks under moonlight, or the same Jeonghan who sits and massages Seokmin’s feet after long days at the restaurant even after a long day of his own.
He’s so much worse.
Jeonghan had broken down then, when he realized it, these horrible sobs that he forgot he could make. Aren’t you mad I’ve tricked you, Seokmin-ah? I’m not as kind as you think I am.
Seokmin, unfailing good, unflinchingly kind, had wiped his tears. No. You’re so much better.
But by then, he had already made up his mind.
Jeonghan glances at the boy sleeping in his bed, face free of any worries and achingly young. He wonders if he ever looked like that in Seokmin’s eyes.
Jeonghan isn’t cruel or stupid. He just wants more time. He’s gotten so greedy now, swallowing up every last bit of Seokmin’s kindness, tilting his face up up upwards, towards sunlight. The solace of sturdy arms. A steady heart.
Maybe in another life he’d be able to use those things to carve himself a home.
“I’ll miss you,” Jeonghan whispers to Seokmin, who mumbles in his sleep and curls his arm around Jeonghan’s bare waist. Blissfully unaware.
Jeonghan closes his eyes. Just for a little while longer.
***
a/n: nngh first time writing yjh pov but the lyrics are really haunting n beautiful i hope it did the prompt justice!! angst isn’t my strongest suit but i rly wanted to try my hand at it.. i just think the contrast of lsm being kind but not clever vs yjh being one but not the other provides rly good avenues to explore their relationship n breakup dynamics — the idea that what that caused them to get together in the first place is also what causes them to grate on each other, the eventual fraying due to the unknowns (ie “is love enough to keep us together”) is something that tugs at me so (ur undoing is also ur downfall!) so maybe one day ill have the strength to revisit this and make it longfic but for now xx also ive formatted this on my phone so i might fix it later when i wake up bc its like 3am oops