Ship/Member: Mingyu/Wonwoo Major Tags: toxic situationship, tw: mentions of abuse, underage drinking, tw: mentions of physical violence, tw: implied homophobia Additional Tags: us against the world, kinda unrequited love, ambiguous ending, idk man this kinda fucked me up and made me sad HAHAHAHA Permission to remix: Yes
***
Wonwoo doesn’t know how to love him yet.
Mingyu gets it. He swears he does; that this – what he feels for Wonwoo – isn’t just bred from naivete and baseless infatuation. Mingyu understands, at least in his twenty-year-old mind, what it means to love someone fully and unconditionally.
*
And yes, maybe how they met was problematic, in a sense that underage drinking is a societal problem and also a standard rite of passage to feel like they belong somewhere. Mingyu didn’t really have that problem, you see. He is, as Seokmin calls it, liquid sunshine. Anywhere he’s been, he can settle into the nooks and crannies and fill what isn’t there, make it whole. It’s why he was invited to that party that night as the new kid on the soccer team. It’s why he showed up and immediately had a beer in his hand and a pre-lit cigarette stained with Lisa’s pink lipstick that he declined almost instantly.
And somehow, in the midst of the chaos of basement parties and jocks, Mingyu found him.
The boy, standing in the corner, with his back flat against the wall, illuminated by a cigarette dangling loosely from his lips while he stares blankly out the window.
“Hi,” Mingyu said breathlessly.
Wonwoo blinks and turns to look at him. “Hi,” he replied unsurely. Mingyu didn’t understand at the time that Wonwoo’s walls were always going to be there for him to climb. For him to scale and get over, only to be met with more. For him to try and destroy, only for Wonwoo to rebuild higher and stronger than before.
“Hyung, we gotta go,” a voice said, interrupting what Mingyu could only perceive as a ‘moment’ between them. Wonwoo sighed and put out the cigarette with the toe of his boot.
“Wait!” Mingyu yelped, reaching to grab Wonwoo’s leather jacket.
Wonwoo stared down at Mingyu’s fingers clasping his sleeve. He looked back up at Mingyu, squinting in the dark behind his wire-rimmed glasses. Mingyu noticed his ears flush red.
God, he’s cute, Mingyu thought. He will continue to think this several times, how red suits Wonwoo when his cheeks are warm in the cold, or when Wonwoo’s lips swell from Mingyu’s mouth. God, Mingyu loves when Wonwoo is red cause of him.
Mingyu loves when Wonwoo is anything.
“Have a drink with me, uhm…?” When Wonwoo waited for Mingyu to finish his sentence, Mingyu chuckled off the awkwardness. “Your name. Sorry. I’m Mingyu.”
“Wonwoo.” He paused for a moment, before turning to look at his friend who was shooting daggers at Mingyu with his narrowed gaze. “Channie, I’ll see you later, okay? I’ll catch another ride home.”
The other kid – Chan, Mingyu eventually learned – shook his head. “Are you sure? You know Jihoon’s going to be pissed.”
Wonwoo grinned wryly. “I’ve been through worse.”
For some reason, that doesn’t make Chan walk away. Mingyu eventually learns why. Instead, Chan pulls Wonwoo’s wrist. “Hyung. We’re leaving.”
Wonwoo turned to look at Mingyu apologetically, before looking at the beer in Mingyu’s hand. Wonwoo’s fingers brushed against Mingyu’s when he took the drink and downed the beer in seconds, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and slipping the cup back between Mingyu’s palms. He grinned slightly. “Guess I owe you one,” he said, voice rough and deep. It tickled the back of Mingyu’s spine, the shiver quickly traveling all the way up to the hairs on the back of his neck.
“Guess you do,” Mingyu repeated, a faint smile on his lips. Wonwoo nods.
“Bye, Mingyu.”
*
Seokmin doesn’t hesitate to tell Mingyu he’s a bit of an idiot.
That falling in love that quick isn’t real, that it’s just hormones or pheromones or whatever new term Seokmin learned in his psychology class that week.
Mingyu brushes him off.
He knows how he feels. He knows this kind of love isn’t going to come around twice.
*
They first kiss in a dark alleyway near the bus stop.
(Later on, when Wonwoo’s having a bad day, he’ll attribute the feelings of electricity between them as the thrill of getting caught or the novelty of being each other’s first kiss with a man. Mingyu knows Wonwoo’s just hurting. He doesn’t mean it. Not really.)
Despite the nearly freezing temperatures, Wonwoo’s lips feel like fire. His hands, calloused and big, flatten against Mingyu’s back to press him closer. Mingyu wraps his varsity jacket around them like a cocoon, pressing his forehead against Wonwoo’s.
His kisses always taste salty.
*
Chan doesn’t tell him much. But Mingyu can see it in his eyes – the disapproval. The skepticism.
All he says is, “If you love Wonwoo as much as you say you do, give him space. Give him time.”
Mingyu replies, voice calm despite the horrendous pounding of his heart in his ears, “For Wonwoo-hyung, I have all the time in the world.”
*
The first time he sees the cracks in Wonwoo’s facade, it takes everything in Mingyu not to break down into frantic tears.
Mingyu’s hands shake when his fingers trace the blooming bruise on Wonwoo’s jaw. Hues of dark purple and blue ruin Wonwoo’s porcelain white skin. Wonwoo tries to push him away, hissing when his shoulder makes contact with Mingyu’s chest, his lower lip splitting open again when he grimaces.
Mingyu wants to scream. He wants to beg. Tell me who did it, love, please, and I’ll make sure they never see the light of day again. Tell me who did it and I’ll make sure all your days are sunny from here on out.
Tell me, so you can learn how to love me.
“Go home, Mingyu,” Wonwoo threatens again, his voice trembling. “Go home, or I’ll never fucking see you again. I fucking swear to God, Kim Mingyu, if you don’t leave, I will kill you myself –”
Mingyu lets Wonwoo’s fists pound his chest. It doesn’t hurt. It never hurts when it’s Wonwoo.
“Just – fucking – go –”
Wonwoo’s wretched sobs echo into the night.
Mingyu comes home and tosses his shirt, stained with blood and tears, into the hamper.
*
“This is my,” Wonwoo clears his throat, “friend. Kim Mingyu.”
Mingyu knows Wonwoo’s parents don’t believe him. Why would Wonwoo invite a friend over for Chuseok anyway?
The dinner is filled with fake pleasantries and surface-level conversation. Mingyu walks into Wonwoo’s home, a house of mirrors, each reflection seemingly more distorted than the last. Yet somehow, with every turn, Wonwoo’s reflection becomes clearer and clearer in his mind.
Mingyu didn’t think his heart was capable of expanding any more for Wonwoo, but it does.
Wonwoo’s pinky finds Mingyu’s when they sit next to each other on the floor.
When Mingyu excuses himself to smoke a cigarette he doesn’t touch, Wonwoo follows him. Mingyu holds Wonwoo’s cigarette in the dark so Wonwoo doesn’t reek, and he allows himself ghosts of touches against Wonwoo’s lips when Wonwoo takes a drag and exhales the bullshit into the dark.
They sneak off to buy bottles of soju from the convenience store.
Wonwoo drinks more than he’s supposed to.
When Wonwoo’s lips slide over Mingyu’s cock, hours later, Mingyu thinks he did it on purpose.
Mingyu takes whatever he’ll get from Wonwoo.
*
Mingyu has bad days, too.
Mingyu has days when he thinks that Wonwoo is just that – smoke and mirrors. A beautiful face covering the cruelty underneath.
What if Mingyu belonged everywhere, except with Wonwoo?
*
He gets his answer when Wonwoo sneaks through his bedroom window.
Mingyu watches Wonwoo peel off his shirt. The moon kisses the fading scars on Wonwoo’s back, and the shadows caress Wonwoo’s cheeks as he moves to climb on top of Mingyu.
Wonwoo – so beautiful, even with tears flowing down his cheeks, even when his cold fingers make Mingyu shiver when they cup his face.
Mingyu brushes back Wonwoo’s hair, careful to avoid the new cut on his eyebrow.
“Wait for me,” Wonwoo murmurs against his lips. “Please. Don’t go.”
“I won’t let you down.” Mingyu kisses the promise to Wonwoo’s lips, down his neck, and along every scar on his back.
He cocoons around Wonwoo in the dark.
*
When he wakes up, Wonwoo is gone.
Mingyu gets it. He swears he does, he thinks as he thickly swallows the lump in his throat.
[FILL] liquid sunshine, moonlight vapor
Major Tags: toxic situationship, tw: mentions of abuse, underage drinking, tw: mentions of physical violence, tw: implied homophobia
Additional Tags: us against the world, kinda unrequited love, ambiguous ending, idk man this kinda fucked me up and made me sad HAHAHAHA
Permission to remix: Yes
***
Wonwoo doesn’t know how to love him yet.
Mingyu gets it. He swears he does; that this – what he feels for Wonwoo – isn’t just bred from naivete and baseless infatuation. Mingyu understands, at least in his twenty-year-old mind, what it means to love someone fully and unconditionally.
*
And yes, maybe how they met was problematic, in a sense that underage drinking is a societal problem and also a standard rite of passage to feel like they belong somewhere. Mingyu didn’t really have that problem, you see. He is, as Seokmin calls it, liquid sunshine. Anywhere he’s been, he can settle into the nooks and crannies and fill what isn’t there, make it whole. It’s why he was invited to that party that night as the new kid on the soccer team. It’s why he showed up and immediately had a beer in his hand and a pre-lit cigarette stained with Lisa’s pink lipstick that he declined almost instantly.
And somehow, in the midst of the chaos of basement parties and jocks, Mingyu found him.
The boy, standing in the corner, with his back flat against the wall, illuminated by a cigarette dangling loosely from his lips while he stares blankly out the window.
“Hi,” Mingyu said breathlessly.
Wonwoo blinks and turns to look at him. “Hi,” he replied unsurely. Mingyu didn’t understand at the time that Wonwoo’s walls were always going to be there for him to climb. For him to scale and get over, only to be met with more. For him to try and destroy, only for Wonwoo to rebuild higher and stronger than before.
“Hyung, we gotta go,” a voice said, interrupting what Mingyu could only perceive as a ‘moment’ between them. Wonwoo sighed and put out the cigarette with the toe of his boot.
“Wait!” Mingyu yelped, reaching to grab Wonwoo’s leather jacket.
Wonwoo stared down at Mingyu’s fingers clasping his sleeve. He looked back up at Mingyu, squinting in the dark behind his wire-rimmed glasses. Mingyu noticed his ears flush red.
God, he’s cute, Mingyu thought. He will continue to think this several times, how red suits Wonwoo when his cheeks are warm in the cold, or when Wonwoo’s lips swell from Mingyu’s mouth. God, Mingyu loves when Wonwoo is red cause of him.
Mingyu loves when Wonwoo is anything.
“Have a drink with me, uhm…?” When Wonwoo waited for Mingyu to finish his sentence, Mingyu chuckled off the awkwardness. “Your name. Sorry. I’m Mingyu.”
“Wonwoo.” He paused for a moment, before turning to look at his friend who was shooting daggers at Mingyu with his narrowed gaze. “Channie, I’ll see you later, okay? I’ll catch another ride home.”
The other kid – Chan, Mingyu eventually learned – shook his head. “Are you sure? You know Jihoon’s going to be pissed.”
Wonwoo grinned wryly. “I’ve been through worse.”
For some reason, that doesn’t make Chan walk away. Mingyu eventually learns why. Instead, Chan pulls Wonwoo’s wrist. “Hyung. We’re leaving.”
Wonwoo turned to look at Mingyu apologetically, before looking at the beer in Mingyu’s hand. Wonwoo’s fingers brushed against Mingyu’s when he took the drink and downed the beer in seconds, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and slipping the cup back between Mingyu’s palms. He grinned slightly. “Guess I owe you one,” he said, voice rough and deep. It tickled the back of Mingyu’s spine, the shiver quickly traveling all the way up to the hairs on the back of his neck.
“Guess you do,” Mingyu repeated, a faint smile on his lips. Wonwoo nods.
“Bye, Mingyu.”
*
Seokmin doesn’t hesitate to tell Mingyu he’s a bit of an idiot.
That falling in love that quick isn’t real, that it’s just hormones or pheromones or whatever new term Seokmin learned in his psychology class that week.
Mingyu brushes him off.
He knows how he feels. He knows this kind of love isn’t going to come around twice.
*
They first kiss in a dark alleyway near the bus stop.
(Later on, when Wonwoo’s having a bad day, he’ll attribute the feelings of electricity between them as the thrill of getting caught or the novelty of being each other’s first kiss with a man. Mingyu knows Wonwoo’s just hurting. He doesn’t mean it. Not really.)
Despite the nearly freezing temperatures, Wonwoo’s lips feel like fire. His hands, calloused and big, flatten against Mingyu’s back to press him closer. Mingyu wraps his varsity jacket around them like a cocoon, pressing his forehead against Wonwoo’s.
His kisses always taste salty.
*
Chan doesn’t tell him much. But Mingyu can see it in his eyes – the disapproval. The skepticism.
All he says is, “If you love Wonwoo as much as you say you do, give him space. Give him time.”
Mingyu replies, voice calm despite the horrendous pounding of his heart in his ears, “For Wonwoo-hyung, I have all the time in the world.”
*
The first time he sees the cracks in Wonwoo’s facade, it takes everything in Mingyu not to break down into frantic tears.
Mingyu’s hands shake when his fingers trace the blooming bruise on Wonwoo’s jaw. Hues of dark purple and blue ruin Wonwoo’s porcelain white skin. Wonwoo tries to push him away, hissing when his shoulder makes contact with Mingyu’s chest, his lower lip splitting open again when he grimaces.
Mingyu wants to scream. He wants to beg. Tell me who did it, love, please, and I’ll make sure they never see the light of day again. Tell me who did it and I’ll make sure all your days are sunny from here on out.
Tell me, so you can learn how to love me.
“Go home, Mingyu,” Wonwoo threatens again, his voice trembling. “Go home, or I’ll never fucking see you again. I fucking swear to God, Kim Mingyu, if you don’t leave, I will kill you myself –”
Mingyu lets Wonwoo’s fists pound his chest. It doesn’t hurt. It never hurts when it’s Wonwoo.
“Just – fucking – go –”
Wonwoo’s wretched sobs echo into the night.
Mingyu comes home and tosses his shirt, stained with blood and tears, into the hamper.
*
“This is my,” Wonwoo clears his throat, “friend. Kim Mingyu.”
Mingyu knows Wonwoo’s parents don’t believe him. Why would Wonwoo invite a friend over for Chuseok anyway?
The dinner is filled with fake pleasantries and surface-level conversation. Mingyu walks into Wonwoo’s home, a house of mirrors, each reflection seemingly more distorted than the last. Yet somehow, with every turn, Wonwoo’s reflection becomes clearer and clearer in his mind.
Mingyu didn’t think his heart was capable of expanding any more for Wonwoo, but it does.
Wonwoo’s pinky finds Mingyu’s when they sit next to each other on the floor.
When Mingyu excuses himself to smoke a cigarette he doesn’t touch, Wonwoo follows him. Mingyu holds Wonwoo’s cigarette in the dark so Wonwoo doesn’t reek, and he allows himself ghosts of touches against Wonwoo’s lips when Wonwoo takes a drag and exhales the bullshit into the dark.
They sneak off to buy bottles of soju from the convenience store.
Wonwoo drinks more than he’s supposed to.
When Wonwoo’s lips slide over Mingyu’s cock, hours later, Mingyu thinks he did it on purpose.
Mingyu takes whatever he’ll get from Wonwoo.
*
Mingyu has bad days, too.
Mingyu has days when he thinks that Wonwoo is just that – smoke and mirrors. A beautiful face covering the cruelty underneath.
What if Mingyu belonged everywhere, except with Wonwoo?
*
He gets his answer when Wonwoo sneaks through his bedroom window.
Mingyu watches Wonwoo peel off his shirt. The moon kisses the fading scars on Wonwoo’s back, and the shadows caress Wonwoo’s cheeks as he moves to climb on top of Mingyu.
Wonwoo – so beautiful, even with tears flowing down his cheeks, even when his cold fingers make Mingyu shiver when they cup his face.
Mingyu brushes back Wonwoo’s hair, careful to avoid the new cut on his eyebrow.
“Wait for me,” Wonwoo murmurs against his lips. “Please. Don’t go.”
“I won’t let you down.” Mingyu kisses the promise to Wonwoo’s lips, down his neck, and along every scar on his back.
He cocoons around Wonwoo in the dark.
*
When he wakes up, Wonwoo is gone.
Mingyu gets it. He swears he does, he thinks as he thickly swallows the lump in his throat.
Where else does he belong, if not with Wonwoo?