Ship/Member: Soonyoung/Jihoon Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: idolverse, canon compliant, kinda nsfw, it's giving jekyll and hyde with a side of pining, i think jihoon needs a hug Permission to remix: Yes
***
It’s hard to tell where Hoshi begins and where Soonyoung ends.
At this point, Jihoon forgets which one he fell in love with.
*
The first time they fuck, it’s after they finish writing Shoot Me Before You Go.
Three in the morning; they finish recording and collapse on top of each other in a heap, high on the adrenaline of wrapping a song that fully captures the vision they intended for it. Jihoon figures Soonyoung needed to release the excess energy somehow. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same euphoria, and that his hands moved with their own volition, that the very same fingers that clicked every sound into place didn’t also wrap themselves around Soonyoung’s cock and jerk him off until the sound of his theatrical moans echoed off the soundproof walls of his tiny studio.
Soonyoung’s grin is cheeky. “I’m your muse,” he murmurs breathlessly, his hot breath fanning Jihoon’s cheek when Jihoon finishes riding him to chase his own release.
Jihoon rolls his eyes. “I’ll deny it in public,” he threatens emptily.
“It can be our little secret.”
*
It’s unnerving how Soonyoung — Hoshi — can touch him like that in front of everyone.
Like they haven’t explored the maps of each other’s bodies, carved the nooks and crannies with heated kisses that turn into lyrics, melodies, choreography for the world to see. That, Jihoon thinks scornfully, is intimacy.
Not this shit.
Jihoon thinks of Soonyoung — Soonyoung humming to himself, lips pursed in thought. Soonyoung’s sharp eyes, looking at formations and choreography. Soonyoung, silent and focused, listening to Seungcheol’s ideas.
Hoshi is loud. Hoshi cackles and giggles while bouncing off the walls, feeding off applause. Hoshi beams with pride, and also breaks into tears when dreams become reality.
But hell, Jihoon can’t blame him for that. Woozi can’t, either.
Soonyoung tells him Woozi is cold. Woozi is stoic, unfeeling.
Jihoon wants to say that Woozi is protective.
Because what they have in the shadows matters, more than fame or money ever would.
But Woozi — Jihoon doesn’t think he can tell Soonyoung that, either.
*
When Soonyoung – Hoshi – Soonyoung asks what they are, Jihoon freezes.
“What do you mean?” he asks, not looking away from the screen in front of him.
Hoshi – Soonyoung – sits up from the couch. “What is this? What are we?”
Jihoon wants to scream the question again, but he knows it’s not fair. Not when the spare blanket he leaves in the studio wrinkles against the hard muscle of Soonyoung’s hips. Not when hours ago, for inspiration, Soonyoung’s mouth was on his cock.
Why is it beginning to feel that Soonyoung – Hoshi – Hoshi sucked him dry?
“I don’t know.” It’s as honest as Jihoon can be. Jihoon hopes he understands.
“It’s a little excessive if this is all just fanservice.” Soonyoung’s face is blank. “Even for you.”
Jihoon wonders if all Soonyoung sees now is Woozi. Not him, not really.
Woozi continues to stare at the screen, the purple glow of the studio illuminating his pale face. When Soonyoung leaves the studio in a blur of tears and a half-zipped sweatshirt, Jihoon’s face crumples.
*
Jihoon wants to ask who’s really in love with Lee Soohyuk – Soonyoung or Hoshi.
Jealousy rears its ugly, bitter head. It looks like Woozi. But maybe it’s Jihoon. Maybe it’s all of him, who misses Soonyoung by his side when he stays late at the studio. Not Hoshi, who wraps his arm around Woozi’s shoulder during concerts and fanmeets, then chooses to stand on the opposite end of the line when they bow so he can avoid him backstage.
But isn’t Hoshi also the same one who keeps them on their feet until not a hair is out of place? Isn’t Hoshi the one who is willing to let them bleed until they move synchronously at the whisper of Woozi’s music? Isn’t Hoshi, like Woozi, willing to risk it all for their team to be seen as worthy by the world beyond their tiny part of it?
Doesn’t Jihoon love him, too?
For a moment, Jihoon believes that this is for the best. That Soonyoung and Jihoon – Hoshi and Woozi – are meant to create beautiful things for the world. That the reason why they work so well together is for everyone else’s pleasure. Everyone else’s benefit. Jihoon understands why people write stories about them. Why people believe that they were meant to be together offstage, too. That’s how good they are at pretending.
Is Hoshi pretending when he’s with Lee Soohyuk? Is Soonyoung?
Was Hoshi pretending with Jihoon?
It doesn’t matter. Shadows only exist in the light. When the light is gone, darkness remains.
Maybe what Jihoon and Soonyoung had was only meant for shadows, where light can be, but where they can hide.
When the curtain falls, Jihoon understands what it means to be left with nothing.
[FILL] lines
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: idolverse, canon compliant, kinda nsfw, it's giving jekyll and hyde with a side of pining, i think jihoon needs a hug
Permission to remix: Yes
***
It’s hard to tell where Hoshi begins and where Soonyoung ends.
At this point, Jihoon forgets which one he fell in love with.
*
The first time they fuck, it’s after they finish writing Shoot Me Before You Go.
Three in the morning; they finish recording and collapse on top of each other in a heap, high on the adrenaline of wrapping a song that fully captures the vision they intended for it. Jihoon figures Soonyoung needed to release the excess energy somehow. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same euphoria, and that his hands moved with their own volition, that the very same fingers that clicked every sound into place didn’t also wrap themselves around Soonyoung’s cock and jerk him off until the sound of his theatrical moans echoed off the soundproof walls of his tiny studio.
Soonyoung’s grin is cheeky. “I’m your muse,” he murmurs breathlessly, his hot breath fanning Jihoon’s cheek when Jihoon finishes riding him to chase his own release.
Jihoon rolls his eyes. “I’ll deny it in public,” he threatens emptily.
“It can be our little secret.”
*
It’s unnerving how Soonyoung — Hoshi — can touch him like that in front of everyone.
Like they haven’t explored the maps of each other’s bodies, carved the nooks and crannies with heated kisses that turn into lyrics, melodies, choreography for the world to see. That, Jihoon thinks scornfully, is intimacy.
Not this shit.
Jihoon thinks of Soonyoung — Soonyoung humming to himself, lips pursed in thought. Soonyoung’s sharp eyes, looking at formations and choreography. Soonyoung, silent and focused, listening to Seungcheol’s ideas.
Hoshi is loud. Hoshi cackles and giggles while bouncing off the walls, feeding off applause. Hoshi beams with pride, and also breaks into tears when dreams become reality.
But hell, Jihoon can’t blame him for that. Woozi can’t, either.
Soonyoung tells him Woozi is cold. Woozi is stoic, unfeeling.
Jihoon wants to say that Woozi is protective.
Because what they have in the shadows matters, more than fame or money ever would.
But Woozi — Jihoon doesn’t think he can tell Soonyoung that, either.
*
When Soonyoung – Hoshi – Soonyoung asks what they are, Jihoon freezes.
“What do you mean?” he asks, not looking away from the screen in front of him.
Hoshi – Soonyoung – sits up from the couch. “What is this? What are we?”
Jihoon wants to scream the question again, but he knows it’s not fair. Not when the spare blanket he leaves in the studio wrinkles against the hard muscle of Soonyoung’s hips. Not when hours ago, for inspiration, Soonyoung’s mouth was on his cock.
Why is it beginning to feel that Soonyoung – Hoshi – Hoshi sucked him dry?
“I don’t know.” It’s as honest as Jihoon can be. Jihoon hopes he understands.
“It’s a little excessive if this is all just fanservice.” Soonyoung’s face is blank. “Even for you.”
Jihoon wonders if all Soonyoung sees now is Woozi. Not him, not really.
Woozi continues to stare at the screen, the purple glow of the studio illuminating his pale face. When Soonyoung leaves the studio in a blur of tears and a half-zipped sweatshirt, Jihoon’s face crumples.
*
Jihoon wants to ask who’s really in love with Lee Soohyuk – Soonyoung or Hoshi.
Jealousy rears its ugly, bitter head. It looks like Woozi. But maybe it’s Jihoon. Maybe it’s all of him, who misses Soonyoung by his side when he stays late at the studio. Not Hoshi, who wraps his arm around Woozi’s shoulder during concerts and fanmeets, then chooses to stand on the opposite end of the line when they bow so he can avoid him backstage.
But isn’t Hoshi also the same one who keeps them on their feet until not a hair is out of place? Isn’t Hoshi the one who is willing to let them bleed until they move synchronously at the whisper of Woozi’s music? Isn’t Hoshi, like Woozi, willing to risk it all for their team to be seen as worthy by the world beyond their tiny part of it?
Doesn’t Jihoon love him, too?
For a moment, Jihoon believes that this is for the best. That Soonyoung and Jihoon – Hoshi and Woozi – are meant to create beautiful things for the world. That the reason why they work so well together is for everyone else’s pleasure. Everyone else’s benefit. Jihoon understands why people write stories about them. Why people believe that they were meant to be together offstage, too. That’s how good they are at pretending.
Is Hoshi pretending when he’s with Lee Soohyuk? Is Soonyoung?
Was Hoshi pretending with Jihoon?
It doesn’t matter. Shadows only exist in the light. When the light is gone, darkness remains.
Maybe what Jihoon and Soonyoung had was only meant for shadows, where light can be, but where they can hide.
When the curtain falls, Jihoon understands what it means to be left with nothing.