Ship/Member: Jeonghan/Joshua, implied Joshua/Seungcheol Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: same au same tags (Shadow and Bone AU, unhealthy and complicated relationships), complicated feelings, what they have is generally kind of messed up Permission to remix: yes wc: 677 a/n: here's the remix vee! i hope it does your fill justice <3
***
“My love,” the night whispers. “I see you’ve chosen to come to me tonight.”
Joshua does not reply, only steps closer to where he knows the Darkling always waits for him, draped elegantly in shadow. He thinks briefly about calling for light, but then a hand cups his cheek, lightly, thumb brushing the arch of his cheekbone, and Joshua loses himself in the intimacy of darkness.
“Darling, you’re troubled. What’s wrong?” the Darkling asks, his concern offered like platitude between their bodies. Joshua wants to believe it can be a sacred, untainted thing.
“It’s nothing—“ He bites off the rest of the sentence. It’s nothing you would appreciate. Since when had his mind learned to care for the Darkling?
“It is never nothing,” the Darkling murmurs, both hands cool against the sides of Joshua’s face. “It is never nothing when it comes to you.”
A hand disappears from his face, slides around to press against the small of his back. His body meets another, solid and warm against him. His breath shudders out of him.
“Dar—Jeonghan,” he breathes. He reaches out blindly for the warmth in front of him, fingertips brushing silk and feeling a tremble fracture through.
“Darling,” Jeonghan says softly, hands tight on Joshua’s body. “Call the light—I want to see you—”
“No,” Joshua interrupts. “No light.”
It’s easier, in the darkness, to pretend that Joshua isn’t violating whatever understanding he has with Seungcheol by seeking this out. It’s easier to believe that Jeonghan truly cares for him, that the hands that have hurt and killed can also love.
“Okay,” Jeonghan says simply, voice deceptively gentle, and something in Joshua’s sternum tugs hard, yearning, burning like furious sunlight beneath his ribs. Jeonghan smooths his palms over Joshua’s back, like what they have between them isn’t fucked up and ugly and complicated. Lips touch his neck; he tilts his head to make room on instinct.
Jeonghan huffs a laugh against his skin. Joshua thrums with shame and something else.
“Please,” he says, voice gruff and affected. “I want—” you, but he cannot bring himself to finish it, hates the truth in it—the hoarse, raw vulnerability.
“I know what you want,” Jeonghan whispers, brushing their lips together, “for it is the very thing I go to sleep wanting.”
The part of Joshua still loyal to Seungcheol revolts—it wants to hiss, don’t profess to know me. It wants to push the sweet darkness away.
Instead, Joshua steps closer, drowns himself in the curl of Jeonghan’s tongue. Jeonghan smiles against his lips, sickly knowing. His fingers skim Joshua’s waist.
“So you’ve finally acknowledged what you feel,” Jeonghan says between pressing his lips all over Joshua’s throat.
A pit yawns open in Joshua’s stomach. Abruptly, he pushes Jeonghan away.
“This is a dream,” he says roughly. “None of this is real.”
Jeonghan scoffs. “Do you really believe that?”
There’s a cruel edge to his voice now. His shadowed form moves closer. “Can you look me in the eyes”—suddenly all the darkness is gone, withdrawn, replaced by silvery moonlight—“and tell me that you feel nothing when I do this?” His fingers brush over Joshua’s crotch. His stomach jumps. Something hideous and tantalizing thrills up his spine.
Joshua makes an aborted gasp, squeezing his eyes shut, feeling exposed to the bone, betrayed by his body and its animalistic desires. He is playing a losing game; he had already surrendered by choosing to come here tonight.
The Darkling laughs, cold and amused. When Joshua opens his eyes again, he’s composed, arms casually crossed, scrutinizing him.
“Push me away all you want,” he says, eyes dark and bottomless on Joshua, “but this—” In one stride he’s pressed them back together, Joshua’s hips grinding forward of their own will, “this want, darling, it is real.”
Before Joshua can find his words, however useless they may be, the Darkling is gone.
———
Joshua wakes up half-hard and drenched in shame, Seungcheol snoring softly beside him, a feeling horrible and weighty like darkness in his chest.
[REMIX] want.
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: same au same tags (Shadow and Bone AU, unhealthy and complicated relationships), complicated feelings, what they have is generally kind of messed up
Permission to remix: yes
wc: 677
a/n: here's the remix vee! i hope it does your fill justice <3
***
“My love,” the night whispers. “I see you’ve chosen to come to me tonight.”
Joshua does not reply, only steps closer to where he knows the Darkling always waits for him, draped elegantly in shadow. He thinks briefly about calling for light, but then a hand cups his cheek, lightly, thumb brushing the arch of his cheekbone, and Joshua loses himself in the intimacy of darkness.
“Darling, you’re troubled. What’s wrong?” the Darkling asks, his concern offered like platitude between their bodies. Joshua wants to believe it can be a sacred, untainted thing.
“It’s nothing—“ He bites off the rest of the sentence. It’s nothing you would appreciate. Since when had his mind learned to care for the Darkling?
“It is never nothing,” the Darkling murmurs, both hands cool against the sides of Joshua’s face. “It is never nothing when it comes to you.”
A hand disappears from his face, slides around to press against the small of his back. His body meets another, solid and warm against him. His breath shudders out of him.
“Dar—Jeonghan,” he breathes. He reaches out blindly for the warmth in front of him, fingertips brushing silk and feeling a tremble fracture through.
“Darling,” Jeonghan says softly, hands tight on Joshua’s body. “Call the light—I want to see you—”
“No,” Joshua interrupts. “No light.”
It’s easier, in the darkness, to pretend that Joshua isn’t violating whatever understanding he has with Seungcheol by seeking this out. It’s easier to believe that Jeonghan truly cares for him, that the hands that have hurt and killed can also love.
“Okay,” Jeonghan says simply, voice deceptively gentle, and something in Joshua’s sternum tugs hard, yearning, burning like furious sunlight beneath his ribs. Jeonghan smooths his palms over Joshua’s back, like what they have between them isn’t fucked up and ugly and complicated. Lips touch his neck; he tilts his head to make room on instinct.
Jeonghan huffs a laugh against his skin. Joshua thrums with shame and something else.
“Please,” he says, voice gruff and affected. “I want—” you, but he cannot bring himself to finish it, hates the truth in it—the hoarse, raw vulnerability.
“I know what you want,” Jeonghan whispers, brushing their lips together, “for it is the very thing I go to sleep wanting.”
The part of Joshua still loyal to Seungcheol revolts—it wants to hiss, don’t profess to know me. It wants to push the sweet darkness away.
Instead, Joshua steps closer, drowns himself in the curl of Jeonghan’s tongue. Jeonghan smiles against his lips, sickly knowing. His fingers skim Joshua’s waist.
“So you’ve finally acknowledged what you feel,” Jeonghan says between pressing his lips all over Joshua’s throat.
A pit yawns open in Joshua’s stomach. Abruptly, he pushes Jeonghan away.
“This is a dream,” he says roughly. “None of this is real.”
Jeonghan scoffs. “Do you really believe that?”
There’s a cruel edge to his voice now. His shadowed form moves closer. “Can you look me in the eyes”—suddenly all the darkness is gone, withdrawn, replaced by silvery moonlight—“and tell me that you feel nothing when I do this?” His fingers brush over Joshua’s crotch. His stomach jumps. Something hideous and tantalizing thrills up his spine.
Joshua makes an aborted gasp, squeezing his eyes shut, feeling exposed to the bone, betrayed by his body and its animalistic desires. He is playing a losing game; he had already surrendered by choosing to come here tonight.
The Darkling laughs, cold and amused. When Joshua opens his eyes again, he’s composed, arms casually crossed, scrutinizing him.
“Push me away all you want,” he says, eyes dark and bottomless on Joshua, “but this—” In one stride he’s pressed them back together, Joshua’s hips grinding forward of their own will, “this want, darling, it is real.”
Before Joshua can find his words, however useless they may be, the Darkling is gone.
———
Joshua wakes up half-hard and drenched in shame, Seungcheol snoring softly beside him, a feeling horrible and weighty like darkness in his chest.
Want, sick and real.