Status: Closed
This round has closed. It remains open for fills, comments and remixes, but prompts are no longer accepted.
About
"Someone will remember us, I say, even in another time."
"How inconvenient to be made of desire."
"It's me, hi, I'm the problem its me."
Calling all readers, lovers of poetry and music, screen and stage. Quote collecters and lyric hoarders, unleash your archive. For this round, every prompt must contain a quote - you can combine them, add commentary, link to articles, do whatever. Steal from a literary classic, or copy WeVerse drama.
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[FILL] as all empires do (pt2)
Insomnia, you fickle beast.
Joshua tosses and turns on his bunk. After a thousand grueling hours, he sets himself up underneath their tiny window overlooking Gangnam, counting the red and white flashes of cars on the highway. He doesnât hear Junhui until heâs right behind the couch, his pajama pants dragging softly on the carpet.
âOh,â Junhui says. âI was justââ He points vaguely to nothing.
âHi,â Joshua says, because if heâs polite, he can continue lying about this. âAre you getting water?â
âYeah.â Junhui blinks. âUm, no, not anymore.â
Junhui sits decisively on the opposite arm of the couch with a burst of courage that Joshua recognizes from drinking games and vlogs and impromptu kisses. He digs his feet into the cushion. Itâs still a dull surprise to see him like this, young and lean. Heâs not the person Joshua married.
But heâs not not that person, either.
âMaybe we should talk,â Junhui begins.
Joshua doesnât want to. He says, âOkay.â
There is a moment of tense silence. Rain starts tapping gently at the window, smothering the muffled sound of Chanâs snoring. Somebody downstairs starts knocking pans together.
âThis is weird,â Junhui whispers.
âI know.â
âAre we supposed to pretend like nothing happened?"
Joshua shrugs. "I guess so."
"I miss you.â
Joshua flinches. He wasnât expecting that. He moves to hold Junhui, to take his hand and brush his hair out of his face, before his stomach clenches and he stops. Eleven other people are sleeping in this apartment. Anyone could walk in.
Itâs not fair, to complicate the group like this. Itâs selfish.
âI miss our life together.â Junhui falls forward on his knees, close enough that Joshua catches the familiar-unfamiliar scent of him. Boyhood and the wrong toothpaste. âI know it wasnât real, but we were real, and itâs hard to justâforget about that.â Junhui looks down at his lap. âI donât want to forget us.â
âYou know we canâtâŚâ Joshua looks away, feels his face go hot. âDo that here.â
âWhy not?â
âSomeone could find out.â
Junhui scoots closer. He trails a finger up Joshuaâs forearm, where the veins used to be pronounced. One of a million things Joshua misses: his own body, the result of diligent years in the gym. Now heâs back to square one. Junhui pauses at the crook of his elbow like heâs thinking the same thing. How daunting the work ahead is.
âWe wonât let anyone find out,â Junhui says. âThe others can help.â
His hope is killing Joshua. He's making this so much harder.
Joshua pulls his arm away. âIn this life, we canât.â He shakes his head, his throat tight. âThings are different here. Thereâs too much at stake. This has to be enough.â
Junhuiâs face shutters. He leans back like heâs been struck. Itâs not enough, he thinks, loud enough that he might as well have screamed it. Joshua can still read him like an open, well-worn book. Heâs never wanted to kiss anyone so badly.
âGoodnight, Jun-ah,â Joshua mumbles. He gets up and shuffles toward the bedroom before he does something he can't take back. âIâll see you at the recording tomorrow.â
/
Years, they lived together in the Los Angeles of his memories. All that time and not a single earthquake. That shouldâve been his first indication that something was wrong.
But Joshua didnât question it.
He was happy.
/
âAre you sure this will work?â Junhui called over the whipping wind.
The port was teeming with people, but it was a strange crowd. Joshua spotted the same couple walk past three times, ostensibly in the middle of the same conversation. No one looked at anyone else. Seagulls lifted and landed in the exact same spot. Even the pattern of the cold, salty breeze was predictable, down to the minute. They couldâve been living in a looped recording of the harbor.
Junhui squinted, the sun in his face, his shoulders stiff with nerves. His legs contorted like noodles to keep the hot metal bench from burning his bare thighs. He looked ridiculous. Joshua took his hand.
âI canât think of anything else to try,â Joshua admitted.
âWherever weâre really from,â Junhui says, drawing his jacket tighter around his shoulders. âI hope we still know each other.â
âOf course we will.â Joshua turned to him. âAnd, if we donât. You know Iâll find you, right?â
Junhui laughed. Joshua didnât. Stayed dead fucking serious, even as Junhui fidgeted and blushed and said, âAh, okay. Iâll find you, too.â
The ferry started boarding. Joshua led the way and snagged a spot right at the bow where Junhui could admire the barnacles. Everyone else was decked out in the same stereotypical outfit of cargo shorts, visors, and binoculars. They hadnât even brought their cell phones.
When they pulled away from shore, Joshua prayed for the first time in a very long time. Sea spray stung his cheeks, made his eyes water.
âLook!â Junhui pointed. âThereâs a dolphin!â
It was unfair how handsome he looked blatantly breaking the rules, standing on the bottom tier of the railing. Joshua climbed up next to him. Wind roared in his ears. His stomach swooped with every dip of the boat. All he could see, from end to end, was blue. Exhilaration sparked in his chest.
Joshua threw out his arms and laughed. Junhui turned, and the look on his face was enough to knock the breath out of Joshua. He couldnât help it; he fisted a hand in Junhuiâs hair and dragged him down into a kiss, clumsy and wet and deep.
When they pulled apart, Junhui asked, âAre you ready?â
âLetâs go together.â
âTogether,â Junhui echoed. He grinned.
They jumped straight into the sky.
/
Weeks later, Joshua returns late from filming a variety show and runs into Junhui in the kitchen, standing above a brand-new hotpot table. Fixings have absolutely dominated the counter: thin red slices of steak, fish balls, clear shrimp, bowls of uncooked noodles, and sprigs of leafy greens. The smell is so familiar it makes his knees weak.
In the corner, thereâs an absolutely massive plate of kabocha squash. At least three gourdsâ worth.
Joshua stands in the threshold of the door, his bag hanging limply from one hand, just cut clean through with misery. He knows he should walk away before the memories drag him down⌠but he canât. Just a moment, he thinks, to admire what he once had. Just a moment.
Junhui doesnât say anything. He looks at Joshua for a moment, communicating more with his eyes than most people can with their whole bodies. He fills a ladle with broth and blows on it gently, then feeds it to Joshua, holding his chin in one hand.
Afterward, Joshuaâs mouth is sticky with broth. Salty, earthy, warm.
Junhui swipes his bottom lip clean with a thumb, like he has a hundred times before. Joshuaâs heart flips. Reflexively, he swallows.
Quickly, awkwardly, Junhui turns back to the hotpot, but Joshua sees it: that little smirk, those hooded eyes heavy with satisfaction. Theyâve done this song and dance before. Heâs not a saint; he canât resist forever.
Nobody knows that better than Junhui.
Nobody knows him better than Junhui.
Junhui's back is still turned as he fusses with the shrimp. Joshua takes a deep breath and steps over the threshold of the door, into the kitchen, into the memory brought to life. He reaches for Junhui's hand.
Re: [FILL] as all empires do (pt2)
(Anonymous) 2023-01-07 10:20 pm (UTC)(link)This is GORGEOUSLY done, start to finish, I considered quoting portions but I would genuinely just be sending it all right back to you because every word of this is stunning. You made such a brilliantly cohesive narrative, and I just love absolutely everything about it.
Also, the earthquake discussion/metaphor worked so well (californian here and I DID laugh when one of the things wrong with the ??dream?? world was 5 years in LA with no earthquake)! I just love the atmosphere of this, you manage to make it both eerie and intensely loving, and it gave the sense that the Other world was quiet while the "real" world was more clearly audible, if that makes sense. The muffled nature of the dream worked fabulously and came through in subtle but powerful ways.
I'm just gonna be repeating myself now but I'll likely come back and yell some more because this is GREAT, thank you for such a fantastic fill!!!!!
(side note that this ship is one I hadn't actually read any fic for in the past and now you've ruined me, every other fic is gonna have to be this intense and lived-in and balanced to measure up!)
Re: [FILL] as all empires do (pt2)
Re: [FILL] as all empires do (pt2)
it's just so awful thinking about this concept but you drag us down so gently until I realise just what the consequences were. the two of them living this happy life by themselves (married?) with normal jobs and private lives and then Junhui with his senses understanding that this perfect life isn't real and they both agree to go back together - but when they go back they're both hit with this immense sense of private grief that can not be shared with anyone else and ;______; feelings which have to be faced and memories which have to be re-examined in the cold light of idolhood.
(tangent: I love the small RL detail of earthquakes in LA, short work but you included a motif anyway and I'm smiling at the continuity of it. And then I'm frowning because if Joshua could tell that it was unreal because it was his hometown, then what did he mean when he thought Why were we in my hometown and not yours? How could Junhui tell? And if Junhui could tell even without knowing that earthquakes were uncommon, did Joshua disagree with him hoping to stay? Is that why Joshua first says You were right ???? QUESTIONS THAT HURT ME TO THINK ABOUT)
I love Junhui's innocent hope and joshua's jaded rejection EVEN THOUGH HE STILL LOVES JUN. (duty over love!!!!) And I love that final scene (ode to the new hot pot set, 17hols fills as an ode to svt's memory), and Joshua realising that even though they 'lost' so much, they still have that shared memory, Junhui still has every memory of that version of him (feeding as a love language! junhui doing something in this life what he did in the other to remind josh that it's possible, they're possible). I adore that line in this context, Josh takes a deep breath and steps... into the memory brought to life. Uh Jun. So conniving. I don't know why but it pleases me so much that it's such a poetic phrase but it's /real/ in this fic. Jun brought a memory to life and Joshua is stepping into it BUT it's also a metaphor and the metaphor means ---
I'm just going to continue weeping as I start my last day of holidays. Thank you so much for writing this klav. The scene setting and characters were so excellently written, I enjoyed this so much. You came, you saw, you slayed.