keyofreason: (Default)
keyofreason ([personal profile] keyofreason) wrote in [community profile] 17hols 2022-12-30 02:06 am (UTC)

[FILL] I've never been a natural, all I do is try

Ship/Member: Chan/Seungkwan
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: canon typical seungkwan obsessed chan, does chan want to be seungkwan or be with seungkwan, perfectionism, bickering as a love language
Permission to remix: Yes

perhaps I will return to this later and make it longer and better but for now you get a little baby drabble

***

It starts the first day Chan steps into that green basement. They’re all young, bright eyed and filled with dreams bigger than their bodies.

Seungkwan was the first boy that came up to him, eyes sparkling.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” He had said. “None of the older boys understand me.”

Seungkwan was the first friend Chan maked there, his warm eyes and soft smile luring him in ways he doesn’t quite understand

Seungkwan is everything Chan wishes he was. He’s funny and outgoing and talented beyond belief. He sings like he’s not even trying and dances like he has something to prove.

Chan couldn’t even talk to the other boys without his hands starting to sweat in the beginning.

He followed him around a lot back then. Seungkwan showed him how to do laundry and the dishes. He brought Chan out of his shell, showed him how to be bigger than yourself.

Then they debuted and Seungkwan shined even brighter.

When they were trainees, everyone told Seungkwan that he was going to excel at variety shows, that he had a natural talent for them.

They had no idea how right they were.

Seungkwan went out of his way appearing on show after show just to get Seventeen’s name out there.

And he was GOOD. He was funny and charismatic in the way that he always was, instantly liked by all the people surrounding him.

Chan had fallen into the background. The youngest of the group with only his dancing under his belt, the others outshined him easily.

Seungkwan was getting brighter and brighter while Chan felt like he was only fading.

So Chan pushes and prods because if someone like Seungkwan has their attention on him, then he has to be worth something right?

Plus, it was fun to agitate Seungkwan. He always turned a light shade or red whenever Chan picked a fight, his eyes turning dangerous in a hilarious juxtaposition to the rest of his face. Chan was delighted at the sight of it, and sought it day after day.

Seungkwan always fights back too, pushes Chan just as hard as he gets pushed.

He knows it worries the other members a bit. Seungcheol always side eyes them whenever they start fighting, the staff avoiding eye contact.

But Seungkwan will smile at him when Chan says something particularly witty and shove his shoulder gently. Chan can’t find it in himself to care about what anyone else thinks.

Years pass and Seungkwan gets invited on more and more variety shows. Chan gets left behind.

He wants to catch up with him, he wants to run as fast as he can and grip on to Seungkwan as hard as he can and never let go.

He’s afraid Seungkwan is already out of his grasp.

He tries harder now than he ever has. He takes acting classes and speaks out more during interviews.

The members laugh more. Seungkwan will stop his feet and throw his head back, but he’s not sure if anyone else is seeing the improvement.

He needs to try harder, fine tune his personality so only the best parts shine.

They still bicker but it’s different now. Chan sits a little closer, lets their hands brush when they talk.

Seungkwan doesn’t get it. Or maybe he does and is too nice to tell Chan that it’s not going to happen.

Either way, Chan refuses to let hope build in his chest.

Seungkwan’s always been on an entirely different level than him. He’s always been looking up at a Seungkwan bigger than life itself.

Seungkwan was destined to shine and even though Chan tries so hard every day, maybe he was always destined to stand in the shadows and watch.

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