Ship/Member: mingyu/minghao Major Tags: major character death Additional Tags: mentions of cancer, illness, heavy angst, established gyuhao, implied mcd Permission to remix: please ask
***
"i'm sick," minghao states, closing the apartment door behind him.
"sorry, what did you say?" there's no glance up. mingyu's round eyes are locked on a recipe in a chinese cookbook, and minghao almost smiles at the sight of his fiancé trying to pronounce "zī rán yáng ròu" under his breath.
but he doesn't. instead, minghao sighs and tries again. "i just came back from the hospital." he places the pamphlets he was given by the doctor on the table. mingyu finally turns his head and looks at them. the cookbook falls out of his hands and the thump on the tile floor causes minghao's breath to hitch.
"hao, what is that?" said not because he doesn't understand, but because he refuses to. because despite having turned 25 last month, mingyu still sees the world through the bright and shiny eyes of a child. and the words, "LIVER PATIENT CANCER GUIDE" are not meant to be consumed by a child.
"i'm sorry," minghao says, eyes on the ground. "i'm sorry," he repeats. because he doesn't know what else to do than stand there as the foundation of the life he created collapses around him.
"this-this doesn't make any sense," mingyu stutters. he flips every page back and forth, scanning every word, every letter waiting for a mistake, an error. something that will scream at him that this is all a prank. because minghao can't be sick.
minghao can't be sick.
"you... you said your last doctor's appointment went fine. y-you said that today was just because they forgot something last time," mingyu chokes out, voice growing louder as his hands begin to shake. he doesn't mean to crumple the page labeled "SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS" in his hand. but he does and it tears, and the sound of paper ripping under mingyu's calloused hand will be ingrained in minghao's mind for the rest of his life.
"i lied. i shouldn't have. i'm sorry."
mingyu staggers like he's been shot as he moves to take a seat at the table. he buries his face in his hands and minghao thinks that he's going to scream. and when he does, this entire apartment building will crash down on them. the walls will fall on their heads, break their bones, strip their consciousnesses away, and it will no longer matter if there is a tumor in your liver or not. you will be dead and the causality will not be relevant.
"how far along is it?" mingyu asks in an almost whimper. minghao can hear the sobs sitting in his throat and sits next to him in an attempt to slow them down.
"stage two," minghao answers. "they said it's still early."
at this, mingyu's head pops up. he whips around to look at his partner and the hope in his eyes burns like a lantern in the darkness.
"so if you start treatment now, then there's a chance you'll be cured?" mingyu stands up and jets around their kitchen like a madman, rummaging through sticky notes and business cards until he finds what he wants and pushes it into minghao's hands. "jeonghan. your friend jeonghan. he's a doctor, right? have you spoken to him? maybe he can—"
"mingyu," minghao says. mingyu freezes, but his warm hands are still wrapped around minghao's, emanating heat like a furnace.
"what, hao?" and it's clear he wants to shout, to fight. yet he doesn't, because kim mingyu doesn't start arguments. especially not with people that he loves, or are dying, or both.
"just stop moving for a second, okay? fuck. i-i can't think," minghao pleads, suddenly out of breath.
he leaves for their bedroom. mingyu takes a deep breath before mustering the courage to follow him.
"i don't know what to fucking say right now other than i'm sorry and i love you, okay? i love you so fucking much and i still can't believe that this is real either. so just give me a second, okay?" minghao requests, pacing around the room.
mingyu hesitantly, but eventually nods. he knows minghao needs this and he will give it to him. but it's difficult to not overthink as he waits for minghao to be ready. he runs over a million scenarios in his head, looking for signs he missed, things he could have prevented. but he can't come up with anything. minghao is the healthiest person he knows. he exercises, goes on hikes, drinks herbal teas, doesn't smoke cigarettes, and the only alcohol he indulges in is a glass of red wine on date night.
minghao has done everything right.
yet minghao is sick. the tests don't lie and neither does minghao.
fuck, minghao is sick.
the reality is all-consuming, and mingyu feels light-headed again as he looks at his partner of six years. the urge to cry is back in full force again and mingyu cannot be blamed for the sniffles he makes as he tries to stop it.
but too late. his sad sounds catch minghao's attention and the younger is rushing to him. minghao's gentle hand on his back only makes it worse and mingyu begins to wail. minghao's only solution is to bring him closer, and hold him until mingyu finds the strength to embrace him as well.
"don't cry," he says in an attempt to soothe. mingyu makes a whining sound and shakes his head petulantly like a child. he retaliates by squeezing minghao against his chest until the only way they can be separated from each other is through surgical removal.
"why didn't you tell me?" mingyu sobs.
"i was scared," minghao admits, mind now more put together. "i didn't want it to be true. i didn't want you to know."
"minghao... i love you. you know i love you too, right?" mingyu asks in a cracked voice. "i care about you and i-i just want to be able to support you through anything you're going through."
"i know. i know," minghao tells him, guilty of doubting for a second otherwise.
"our wedding," mingyu gasps between tears, as another thought catches hold of him. "the money we saved, we can use it to pay for your treatment. i'll talk to our insurance company, and we can—"
"gyu," minghao interrupts again. because as much as he adores how much mingyu cares, he doesn't want to think about it right now. he wants to focus on this, them.
"hao," mingyu responds, tearing up again. he buries his face in minghao's neck and the younger can feel the teardrops leaving their marks on his skin.
minghao is the one closer to dying yet if anyone were to walk in right now they would assume mingyu is, with the way his sobs begin to cover minghao's quiet ones. but perhaps that is the reality. because before meeting mingyu, minghao had never had a good reason to wake up, and since mingyu was born, he has lived for the sake of love. and since minghao is that love, maybe mingyu is ill as well.
minghao finds he may be far sicker.
"i'm going to do everything i can to get better." the lamp light reflects off of the silver band on minghao's hand, and catches his eye. "and we're going to get married." he tastes salt on his lips, realizes he doesn't know when his eyes began to burn. "i love you so much, mingyu."
"i love you too, minghao," mingyu manages to get out. "i love you too." he kisses up minghao's neck until their lips meet, and mingyu's tears taste more bitter than minghao's own.
"we can make some calls tomorrow, okay?" minghao says when he pulls away, running his thumb over the apple of mingyu's cheek. because they still have time. if everything goes right, they can still have the forever mingyu promised minghao at the top of bukhansan mountain. the promise of always that is written in the vows sitting inside minghao's nightstand.
"i'll stay by your side forever, i promise you, hao," mingyu swears, pulling him in for another kiss. and it's so much like an "i do" at the end of the aisle that minghao cannot help but feel like maybe he and mingyu are already married. perhaps this is the closest they will get to forever.
[FILL] the signs and symptoms of
Major Tags: major character death
Additional Tags: mentions of cancer, illness, heavy angst, established gyuhao, implied mcd
Permission to remix: please ask
***
"i'm sick," minghao states, closing the apartment door behind him.
"sorry, what did you say?" there's no glance up. mingyu's round eyes are locked on a recipe in a chinese cookbook, and minghao almost smiles at the sight of his fiancé trying to pronounce "zī rán yáng ròu" under his breath.
but he doesn't. instead, minghao sighs and tries again. "i just came back from the hospital." he places the pamphlets he was given by the doctor on the table. mingyu finally turns his head and looks at them. the cookbook falls out of his hands and the thump on the tile floor causes minghao's breath to hitch.
"hao, what is that?" said not because he doesn't understand, but because he refuses to. because despite having turned 25 last month, mingyu still sees the world through the bright and shiny eyes of a child. and the words, "LIVER PATIENT CANCER GUIDE" are not meant to be consumed by a child.
"i'm sorry," minghao says, eyes on the ground. "i'm sorry," he repeats. because he doesn't know what else to do than stand there as the foundation of the life he created collapses around him.
"this-this doesn't make any sense," mingyu stutters. he flips every page back and forth, scanning every word, every letter waiting for a mistake, an error. something that will scream at him that this is all a prank. because minghao can't be sick.
minghao can't be sick.
"you... you said your last doctor's appointment went fine. y-you said that today was just because they forgot something last time," mingyu chokes out, voice growing louder as his hands begin to shake. he doesn't mean to crumple the page labeled "SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS" in his hand. but he does and it tears, and the sound of paper ripping under mingyu's calloused hand will be ingrained in minghao's mind for the rest of his life.
"i lied. i shouldn't have. i'm sorry."
mingyu staggers like he's been shot as he moves to take a seat at the table. he buries his face in his hands and minghao thinks that he's going to scream. and when he does, this entire apartment building will crash down on them. the walls will fall on their heads, break their bones, strip their consciousnesses away, and it will no longer matter if there is a tumor in your liver or not. you will be dead and the causality will not be relevant.
"how far along is it?" mingyu asks in an almost whimper. minghao can hear the sobs sitting in his throat and sits next to him in an attempt to slow them down.
"stage two," minghao answers. "they said it's still early."
at this, mingyu's head pops up. he whips around to look at his partner and the hope in his eyes burns like a lantern in the darkness.
"so if you start treatment now, then there's a chance you'll be cured?" mingyu stands up and jets around their kitchen like a madman, rummaging through sticky notes and business cards until he finds what he wants and pushes it into minghao's hands. "jeonghan. your friend jeonghan. he's a doctor, right? have you spoken to him? maybe he can—"
"mingyu," minghao says. mingyu freezes, but his warm hands are still wrapped around minghao's, emanating heat like a furnace.
"what, hao?" and it's clear he wants to shout, to fight. yet he doesn't, because kim mingyu doesn't start arguments. especially not with people that he loves, or are dying, or both.
"just stop moving for a second, okay? fuck. i-i can't think," minghao pleads, suddenly out of breath.
he leaves for their bedroom. mingyu takes a deep breath before mustering the courage to follow him.
"i don't know what to fucking say right now other than i'm sorry and i love you, okay? i love you so fucking much and i still can't believe that this is real either. so just give me a second, okay?" minghao requests, pacing around the room.
mingyu hesitantly, but eventually nods. he knows minghao needs this and he will give it to him. but it's difficult to not overthink as he waits for minghao to be ready. he runs over a million scenarios in his head, looking for signs he missed, things he could have prevented. but he can't come up with anything. minghao is the healthiest person he knows. he exercises, goes on hikes, drinks herbal teas, doesn't smoke cigarettes, and the only alcohol he indulges in is a glass of red wine on date night.
minghao has done everything right.
yet minghao is sick. the tests don't lie and neither does minghao.
fuck, minghao is sick.
the reality is all-consuming, and mingyu feels light-headed again as he looks at his partner of six years. the urge to cry is back in full force again and mingyu cannot be blamed for the sniffles he makes as he tries to stop it.
but too late. his sad sounds catch minghao's attention and the younger is rushing to him. minghao's gentle hand on his back only makes it worse and mingyu begins to wail. minghao's only solution is to bring him closer, and hold him until mingyu finds the strength to embrace him as well.
"don't cry," he says in an attempt to soothe. mingyu makes a whining sound and shakes his head petulantly like a child. he retaliates by squeezing minghao against his chest until the only way they can be separated from each other is through surgical removal.
"why didn't you tell me?" mingyu sobs.
"i was scared," minghao admits, mind now more put together. "i didn't want it to be true. i didn't want you to know."
"minghao... i love you. you know i love you too, right?" mingyu asks in a cracked voice. "i care about you and i-i just want to be able to support you through anything you're going through."
"i know. i know," minghao tells him, guilty of doubting for a second otherwise.
"our wedding," mingyu gasps between tears, as another thought catches hold of him. "the money we saved, we can use it to pay for your treatment. i'll talk to our insurance company, and we can—"
"gyu," minghao interrupts again. because as much as he adores how much mingyu cares, he doesn't want to think about it right now. he wants to focus on this, them.
"hao," mingyu responds, tearing up again. he buries his face in minghao's neck and the younger can feel the teardrops leaving their marks on his skin.
minghao is the one closer to dying yet if anyone were to walk in right now they would assume mingyu is, with the way his sobs begin to cover minghao's quiet ones. but perhaps that is the reality. because before meeting mingyu, minghao had never had a good reason to wake up, and since mingyu was born, he has lived for the sake of love. and since minghao is that love, maybe mingyu is ill as well.
minghao finds he may be far sicker.
"i'm going to do everything i can to get better." the lamp light reflects off of the silver band on minghao's hand, and catches his eye. "and we're going to get married." he tastes salt on his lips, realizes he doesn't know when his eyes began to burn. "i love you so much, mingyu."
"i love you too, minghao," mingyu manages to get out. "i love you too." he kisses up minghao's neck until their lips meet, and mingyu's tears taste more bitter than minghao's own.
"we can make some calls tomorrow, okay?" minghao says when he pulls away, running his thumb over the apple of mingyu's cheek. because they still have time. if everything goes right, they can still have the forever mingyu promised minghao at the top of bukhansan mountain. the promise of always that is written in the vows sitting inside minghao's nightstand.
"i'll stay by your side forever, i promise you, hao," mingyu swears, pulling him in for another kiss. and it's so much like an "i do" at the end of the aisle that minghao cannot help but feel like maybe he and mingyu are already married. perhaps this is the closest they will get to forever.
because sometimes doctors are wrong.
sometimes treatments don't work.
sometimes people can be sick.
sometimes.
sometimes forever will not wait for you.