Ship/Member: Seungcheol/Soonyoung Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: character study, trans characters Permission to remix: Yes
***
It hurts to look at them.
Seungcheol is so pretty under the night sky, staring up at the stars in wonder, the cold glow of the moonlight casting faint shadows across their delicate features. They’re so calm, so at peace with the world around them and so at peace with their place in the world. Their long hair, flowing freely in the ocean breeze, frames their face so perfectly, ticking Soonyoung’s cheek each time he leans closer.
Soonyoung is enraptured by beauty.
But it hurts to look at them.
“Are you okay?” They ask.
Is he okay? He thinks he is, until he looks at Seungcheol and sees everything he is not. Everything he wishes he could be.
Where Soonyoung is loud and abrasive, Seungcheol is calmly excitable. Soonyoung is a strict leader, he demands perfection not because he is being unreasonable, but because he wants what is best for his team, while Seungcheol is kind and patient in a way Soonyoung can only strive to be. Seungcheol always tells him he’s being too harsh on himself, but when Soonyoung treats himself with callous cruelty, Seungcheol becomes warmer and more loving than ever.
“I don’t know.”
He is sure his words are quiet enough not to be heard over the rhythmical sounds of the ocean’s tide, but Seungcheol moves their hand over his, holding his hand in their own as if to remind him they’re here. Soonyoung likes that about them, they never force him to speak. They trust he will come to them in his own him. He’s not sure he deserves that trust.
Soonyoung knows he’s not okay, he just doesn’t want to think about why.
He knows why too.
It’s not because he and Seungcheol are so different that Soonyoung aches. It’s because they are the same and he wants what Seungcheol has.
He exists in this world as others want him to exist, he is his parent’s son and his sister’s younger brother, a reliable hyung to Seokmin and Chan and all of the people who depend on him to be that for them. But he wants to be what Seungcheol is.
Neither a son nor a daughter, sometimes both, or only one. Someone who knows who they are and is brave enough to make that known. Someone worthy of the love that makes Soonyoung feel like a fraud to receive.
How can Seungcheol love someone they don’t even know? Maybe they love the person they think Soonyoung is, but they might never love Soonyoung.
“I love you, unnie” he tells them.
Seungcheol smiles, they look at him so fondly, with so much devotion and pure, unadulterated affection. Soonyoung has to look away.
“Unnie loves you too.”
He wonders if they know, he doesn’t think they do. He rips his hand away from theirs and stands up, brushing the sand off himself before holding a hand out to help them up too.
It’s not healthy to keep doing this, to take everything from Seungcheol that they offer him, to remain so close to them when it only seems to lead to more hurt.
But Soonyoung lives so much of his life for others and he has already lost so much, he wants to be selfish for once. He refuses to let go of the warmth and safety that comes with Seungcheol’s presence in his life.
[FILL] sharp spines
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: character study, trans characters
Permission to remix: Yes
***
It hurts to look at them.
Seungcheol is so pretty under the night sky, staring up at the stars in wonder, the cold glow of the moonlight casting faint shadows across their delicate features. They’re so calm, so at peace with the world around them and so at peace with their place in the world. Their long hair, flowing freely in the ocean breeze, frames their face so perfectly, ticking Soonyoung’s cheek each time he leans closer.
Soonyoung is enraptured by beauty.
But it hurts to look at them.
“Are you okay?” They ask.
Is he okay? He thinks he is, until he looks at Seungcheol and sees everything he is not. Everything he wishes he could be.
Where Soonyoung is loud and abrasive, Seungcheol is calmly excitable. Soonyoung is a strict leader, he demands perfection not because he is being unreasonable, but because he wants what is best for his team, while Seungcheol is kind and patient in a way Soonyoung can only strive to be. Seungcheol always tells him he’s being too harsh on himself, but when Soonyoung treats himself with callous cruelty, Seungcheol becomes warmer and more loving than ever.
“I don’t know.”
He is sure his words are quiet enough not to be heard over the rhythmical sounds of the ocean’s tide, but Seungcheol moves their hand over his, holding his hand in their own as if to remind him they’re here. Soonyoung likes that about them, they never force him to speak. They trust he will come to them in his own him. He’s not sure he deserves that trust.
Soonyoung knows he’s not okay, he just doesn’t want to think about why.
He knows why too.
It’s not because he and Seungcheol are so different that Soonyoung aches. It’s because they are the same and he wants what Seungcheol has.
He exists in this world as others want him to exist, he is his parent’s son and his sister’s younger brother, a reliable hyung to Seokmin and Chan and all of the people who depend on him to be that for them. But he wants to be what Seungcheol is.
Neither a son nor a daughter, sometimes both, or only one. Someone who knows who they are and is brave enough to make that known. Someone worthy of the love that makes Soonyoung feel like a fraud to receive.
How can Seungcheol love someone they don’t even know? Maybe they love the person they think Soonyoung is, but they might never love Soonyoung.
“I love you, unnie” he tells them.
Seungcheol smiles, they look at him so fondly, with so much devotion and pure, unadulterated affection. Soonyoung has to look away.
“Unnie loves you too.”
He wonders if they know, he doesn’t think they do. He rips his hand away from theirs and stands up, brushing the sand off himself before holding a hand out to help them up too.
It’s not healthy to keep doing this, to take everything from Seungcheol that they offer him, to remain so close to them when it only seems to lead to more hurt.
But Soonyoung lives so much of his life for others and he has already lost so much, he wants to be selfish for once. He refuses to let go of the warmth and safety that comes with Seungcheol’s presence in his life.