Ship/Member: gyuhan Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: idolverse, confessions, reassurance, unconditional love, fwb to lovers(sort of), i wrote this on my phone so bear with me please Permission to remix: Please ask
***
“Hyung,” Mingyu tries, his fingers finding Jeonghan’s wrist. They wrap around it gently, and his wrist is thin enough that in Mingyu’s grasp his fingers can meet on the other side. “Hyung,” he says again.
“What?” Jeonghan says- he tries to make it rough, and mean, but his voice betrays him and it just comes out tired and sad.
“You know that I want you to stay, right?”
Jeonghan frowns, and he’s glad Mingyu can’t see his face- Mingyu’s lying down in his bed, while Jeonghan’s sitting on the edge of it with his back turned. Of course he knows. Mingyu always wants him to stay. And Jeonghan wants to stay too; but that’s why can’t. Why he shouldn’t. He can’t stay, this should’ve never happened in the first place- or the second time, or the third, but Mingyu is the ocean and Jeonghan wants to drown. He can’t stay away. It’s terrifying, and he needs to get out.
“You might even like it,” Mingyu continues. “I’m good for other things than just letting off steam, you know.”
Oh. Jeonghan crumbles a bit hearing the dejected tone Mingyu’s taken now; he’s already about to give up. Jeonghan doesn’t want him to give up, he wants him to keep trying- Jeonghan is a walking contradiction.
“Like what?” Jeonghan asks.
“I can listen,” Mingyu replies softly. “I can listen, hyung. I can tell something is bothering you. Let me help.”
Jeonghan’s frown deepens- and he wants his secrets back. He wants his tells and his mannerisms to be secret again, so that Mingyu can’t read him so easily, to maintain distance and mystery between them.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than fucking when Wonwoo’s out of the dorm and Mingyu and Jeonghan have a day off, or in hotel rooms after concerts to get down from the high of performing. It wasn’t supposed to be this soft. This tender. But it’s Mingyu, so of course it is; of course he wants Jeonghan to stay and for them to talk.
Jeonghan wants that too, but he’s sure by now that the very act of wanting something is a good enough reason that you’ll never get it.
“I…” Jeonghan starts, voice trailing off. He squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m scared, Mingyu-yah. I’m scared of you.”
“What?”
“You act like it’s so easy,” Jeonghan whispers. “Like it comes naturally to you to be like this, open, vulnerable, soft. Maybe it does. But it doesn’t to me. You want me to stay, and I don’t know how- I don’t know how to stay.”
“You just get back into bed,” Mingyu says. “And then you let me hold you.”
“And tomorrow? What happens then? And the day after? If I stay now, will I stay the next time too? What if you stop wanting me to stay? What if you have to tell me to leave- or I have to tell you I want to leave, that I don’t want this anymore- what if I hurt you? What if you hurt me? What then? What about the group, and the members? What about-“
Jeonghan doesn’t realize that Mingyu’s gotten off the bed and has crouched down in front of him, his wrist still in his hand, until Mingyu kisses him to shut him up- and Jeonghan lets it happen. His resolve has weakened significantly.
Mingyu kisses him back onto the bed, lets go of his wrist so he can pull Jeonghan further in, till his whole back is pressed against the mattress and only his feet are hanging off the edge. His knees are planted on either side of Jeonghan’s waist, and Jeonghan- Jeonghan wraps his arms around Mingyu’s neck and pulls him down for another kiss.
This is the easy part. Kissing Mingyu is easy; it comes naturally to Jeonghan, they move in sync, expecting the other’s next move- Jeonghan parts his lips and Mingyu’s tongue darts inside. Yeah, this is easy. Jeonghan could do this for the rest of his life.
“You think too much,” Mingyu says, pulling away a bit. Oh. The easy part is over. “I’m scared too, you know. This isn’t easy, not really- it’s easy because it’s you, and because I want you, and because…”
“No,” Jeonghan says, suddenly terrified- “no, don’t say it. Do it but don’t say it.”
“But I do.”
“Yes,” Jeonghan says. “Yes, I know. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry mingyu.”
“Why are you sorry? There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“If you love me,” Jeonghan whispers. “If you love me, then I could- I'll hurt you, Mingyu. What if I hurt you?”
“Of course you’ll hurt me,” Mingyu says. “Of course I'll hurt you. Love doesn’t mean not hurting. Love means persevering despite the hurt; or maybe because of it. Love isn’t… easy. I'm sorry. I wish it was. Love is hurting and being hurt and saying; I’m sorry. I love you anyhow. Let’s try again.”
Jeonghan sighs, closing his eyes again. Mingyu leans down and rests his forehead against Jeonghan’s, their breaths mingling in the centimeters between them.
“Let me try again,” Jeonghan says at length. “Let me try this again. I'll get it right.”
“Which part? The part where you don’t let me say it?”
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
Jeonghan swallows, and he finally opens his eyes, and he sees Mingyu looking back at him– and it's love. Of course it's love. It could never be anything else when it came to him and Mingyu.
[FILL] try again try again try again
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: idolverse, confessions, reassurance, unconditional love, fwb to lovers(sort of), i wrote this on my phone so bear with me please
Permission to remix: Please ask
***
“Hyung,” Mingyu tries, his fingers finding Jeonghan’s wrist. They wrap around it gently, and his wrist is thin enough that in Mingyu’s grasp his fingers can meet on the other side. “Hyung,” he says again.
“What?” Jeonghan says- he tries to make it rough, and mean, but his voice betrays him and it just comes out tired and sad.
“You know that I want you to stay, right?”
Jeonghan frowns, and he’s glad Mingyu can’t see his face- Mingyu’s lying down in his bed, while Jeonghan’s sitting on the edge of it with his back turned. Of course he knows. Mingyu always wants him to stay. And Jeonghan wants to stay too; but that’s why can’t. Why he shouldn’t. He can’t stay, this should’ve never happened in the first place- or the second time, or the third, but Mingyu is the ocean and Jeonghan wants to drown. He can’t stay away. It’s terrifying, and he needs to get out.
“You might even like it,” Mingyu continues. “I’m good for other things than just letting off steam, you know.”
Oh. Jeonghan crumbles a bit hearing the dejected tone Mingyu’s taken now; he’s already about to give up. Jeonghan doesn’t want him to give up, he wants him to keep trying- Jeonghan is a walking contradiction.
“Like what?” Jeonghan asks.
“I can listen,” Mingyu replies softly. “I can listen, hyung. I can tell something is bothering you. Let me help.”
Jeonghan’s frown deepens- and he wants his secrets back. He wants his tells and his mannerisms to be secret again, so that Mingyu can’t read him so easily, to maintain distance and mystery between them.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than fucking when Wonwoo’s out of the dorm and Mingyu and Jeonghan have a day off, or in hotel rooms after concerts to get down from the high of performing. It wasn’t supposed to be this soft. This tender. But it’s Mingyu, so of course it is; of course he wants Jeonghan to stay and for them to talk.
Jeonghan wants that too, but he’s sure by now that the very act of wanting something is a good enough reason that you’ll never get it.
“I…” Jeonghan starts, voice trailing off. He squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m scared, Mingyu-yah. I’m scared of you.”
“What?”
“You act like it’s so easy,” Jeonghan whispers. “Like it comes naturally to you to be like this, open, vulnerable, soft. Maybe it does. But it doesn’t to me. You want me to stay, and I don’t know how- I don’t know how to stay.”
“You just get back into bed,” Mingyu says. “And then you let me hold you.”
“And tomorrow? What happens then? And the day after? If I stay now, will I stay the next time too? What if you stop wanting me to stay? What if you have to tell me to leave- or I have to tell you I want to leave, that I don’t want this anymore- what if I hurt you? What if you hurt me? What then? What about the group, and the members? What about-“
Jeonghan doesn’t realize that Mingyu’s gotten off the bed and has crouched down in front of him, his wrist still in his hand, until Mingyu kisses him to shut him up- and Jeonghan lets it happen. His resolve has weakened significantly.
Mingyu kisses him back onto the bed, lets go of his wrist so he can pull Jeonghan further in, till his whole back is pressed against the mattress and only his feet are hanging off the edge. His knees are planted on either side of Jeonghan’s waist, and Jeonghan- Jeonghan wraps his arms around Mingyu’s neck and pulls him down for another kiss.
This is the easy part. Kissing Mingyu is easy; it comes naturally to Jeonghan, they move in sync, expecting the other’s next move- Jeonghan parts his lips and Mingyu’s tongue darts inside. Yeah, this is easy. Jeonghan could do this for the rest of his life.
“You think too much,” Mingyu says, pulling away a bit. Oh. The easy part is over. “I’m scared too, you know. This isn’t easy, not really- it’s easy because it’s you, and because I want you, and because…”
“No,” Jeonghan says, suddenly terrified- “no, don’t say it. Do it but don’t say it.”
“But I do.”
“Yes,” Jeonghan says. “Yes, I know. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry mingyu.”
“Why are you sorry? There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“If you love me,” Jeonghan whispers. “If you love me, then I could- I'll hurt you, Mingyu. What if I hurt you?”
“Of course you’ll hurt me,” Mingyu says. “Of course I'll hurt you. Love doesn’t mean not hurting. Love means persevering despite the hurt; or maybe because of it. Love isn’t… easy. I'm sorry. I wish it was. Love is hurting and being hurt and saying; I’m sorry. I love you anyhow. Let’s try again.”
Jeonghan sighs, closing his eyes again. Mingyu leans down and rests his forehead against Jeonghan’s, their breaths mingling in the centimeters between them.
“Let me try again,” Jeonghan says at length. “Let me try this again. I'll get it right.”
“Which part? The part where you don’t let me say it?”
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
Jeonghan swallows, and he finally opens his eyes, and he sees Mingyu looking back at him– and it's love. Of course it's love. It could never be anything else when it came to him and Mingyu.
“I love you too.”
(twt: @/gyuhansoup or @/moonbreezeao3