Ship/Member: seungcheol/jeonghan, seungcheol/original characters (background) Major Tags: N/A Additional Tags: elements of a curse (if you want to look at it that way), having so much love in yourself it makes you desperate, losing that love in yourself which also makes you desperate, this is word vomit Permission to remix: Please ask 800+ words, not edited ao3 link I'm not sure if this was what the prompter was expecting but this strayed away from what i was aiming for
***
The issue with Choi Seungcheol was that he was born with a heart bigger than his body. The organ in his chest cavity filled with all the love that seemingly had no way out. Maybe that was the reason he was so willing to be in a relationship with anyone who asked. It was as if he was saying, "here you are, I see you, be with me and relieve me of the burden that is weighing down my heart."
But the thing was that his relationships didn't last long. He remembers being in love and then being the only one in love. Maybe it was a curse, having so much love inside himself. Maybe they saw it on him, hanging around his neck like an x-ray scan. His heart beating visibly, his ribs open and stretched out like hands beckoning someone in, "please come in, love me and let me love you too."
It might have been scary for them, he would always reason with himself. Not everyone wanted to share that burden. Every relationship that ended left him feeling a bit lighter but gave him a bit of emptiness in exchange. He didn't know what was better, his heart heavy with love or the lack of it with every failed relationship.
It became a well known thing among his peers, some people thought he had no dignity left because of the amount of times his lovers had left him behind, if he could even call them that. But there was not one time where he regretted anything. It was life and it was his choice, how could he ever regret loving someone?
It felt like he was walking with a flashing sign on himself, "love me, please love me, i have so much of it i don't know what to do with it please take it."
Jihoon had once called him a masochist, asked him why he would go heart first in a relationship that he knew was not going to work out. Seungcheol told him he wouldn't understand.
But then there came a time when the love inside him had depleted so much it felt like there was nothing left, not a drop for himself. And so from then he started finding people who would help him fill it back. Four different relationships not lasting for over three months, he was broken. Was he not loveable?
Now it felt like the sign around his neck had changed. "love me, please love me, i don't think i have any more left, please help me and give it back."
Out of the four relationships three were at least able to help him give some of the love even if it wasn't what he was giving them. The feelings of love left unrequited but given back in the form of like, he would take it. He would take anything he could get his hands on.
It was the last one that had left him inevitably heartbroken even though he knew it wouldn't last. Maybe it was because it left him wondering if he could keep on going anymore. It felt like he was giving up and he didn't want to. The little plant of hope in his heart withering away. He couldn't let it die, he'd try to keep it alive even if it was drop by drop.
Wonwoo thought Seungcheol was an idiot for staying in loveless relationships that left him feeling the way he did. Seungcheol thought Wonwoo was a good friend for not calling him desperate. Wonwoo could be brutally honest to a fault but he wasn't cruel.
With how Wonwoo was towards Seungcheol and his affinity to relationship failures, he was surprised when he set him up for a date. Yoon Jeonghan, Wonwoo tells him, you'll like him. When Seungcheol asked him why he thought so he only said he's just like you. He didn't elaborate further and they left it at that.
When Seungcheol got Jeonghan's number they continued to talk further on the other man's condition that they don't show each other how they look until their date. Seungcheol thought Jeonghan was interesting. So now he knew that Jeonghan loved strawberries but not what his eyes looked like.
They finally set up a date and told each other where to sit and what they'll wear so that it's easy for them to find each other. Seungcheol hadn't been that excited for a date in years.
When he walked in he saw his date sitting there in the exact outfit he was told he'd be wearing, sitting at the table right by the window like they had discussed. The sunlight filtering through casted beams around him that made him look like some kind of divine being. Dressed in a black turtleneck with long black wispy hair curling around his ears, was sitting his inevitable doom.
And when he looked up to see Seungcheol, he gave him a sweet smile with closed lips, a hand raised up in a wave. That was when Seungcheol knew Yoon Jeonghan was either going to settle himself inside his chest and weld his ribs back or break his heart and leave him bloody.
[FILL]: here in my palms (lays my heart)
Major Tags: N/A
Additional Tags: elements of a curse (if you want to look at it that way), having so much love in yourself it makes you desperate, losing that love in yourself which also makes you desperate, this is word vomit
Permission to remix: Please ask
800+ words, not edited ao3 link
I'm not sure if this was what the prompter was expecting but this strayed away from what i was aiming for
***
The issue with Choi Seungcheol was that he was born with a heart bigger than his body. The organ in his chest cavity filled with all the love that seemingly had no way out. Maybe that was the reason he was so willing to be in a relationship with anyone who asked. It was as if he was saying, "here you are, I see you, be with me and relieve me of the burden that is weighing down my heart."
But the thing was that his relationships didn't last long. He remembers being in love and then being the only one in love. Maybe it was a curse, having so much love inside himself. Maybe they saw it on him, hanging around his neck like an x-ray scan. His heart beating visibly, his ribs open and stretched out like hands beckoning someone in, "please come in, love me and let me love you too."
It might have been scary for them, he would always reason with himself. Not everyone wanted to share that burden. Every relationship that ended left him feeling a bit lighter but gave him a bit of emptiness in exchange. He didn't know what was better, his heart heavy with love or the lack of it with every failed relationship.
It became a well known thing among his peers, some people thought he had no dignity left because of the amount of times his lovers had left him behind, if he could even call them that. But there was not one time where he regretted anything. It was life and it was his choice, how could he ever regret loving someone?
It felt like he was walking with a flashing sign on himself, "love me, please love me, i have so much of it i don't know what to do with it please take it."
Jihoon had once called him a masochist, asked him why he would go heart first in a relationship that he knew was not going to work out. Seungcheol told him he wouldn't understand.
But then there came a time when the love inside him had depleted so much it felt like there was nothing left, not a drop for himself. And so from then he started finding people who would help him fill it back. Four different relationships not lasting for over three months, he was broken. Was he not loveable?
Now it felt like the sign around his neck had changed. "love me, please love me, i don't think i have any more left, please help me and give it back."
Out of the four relationships three were at least able to help him give some of the love even if it wasn't what he was giving them. The feelings of love left unrequited but given back in the form of like, he would take it. He would take anything he could get his hands on.
It was the last one that had left him inevitably heartbroken even though he knew it wouldn't last. Maybe it was because it left him wondering if he could keep on going anymore. It felt like he was giving up and he didn't want to. The little plant of hope in his heart withering away. He couldn't let it die, he'd try to keep it alive even if it was drop by drop.
Wonwoo thought Seungcheol was an idiot for staying in loveless relationships that left him feeling the way he did. Seungcheol thought Wonwoo was a good friend for not calling him desperate. Wonwoo could be brutally honest to a fault but he wasn't cruel.
With how Wonwoo was towards Seungcheol and his affinity to relationship failures, he was surprised when he set him up for a date. Yoon Jeonghan, Wonwoo tells him, you'll like him. When Seungcheol asked him why he thought so he only said he's just like you. He didn't elaborate further and they left it at that.
When Seungcheol got Jeonghan's number they continued to talk further on the other man's condition that they don't show each other how they look until their date. Seungcheol thought Jeonghan was interesting. So now he knew that Jeonghan loved strawberries but not what his eyes looked like.
They finally set up a date and told each other where to sit and what they'll wear so that it's easy for them to find each other. Seungcheol hadn't been that excited for a date in years.
When he walked in he saw his date sitting there in the exact outfit he was told he'd be wearing, sitting at the table right by the window like they had discussed. The sunlight filtering through casted beams around him that made him look like some kind of divine being. Dressed in a black turtleneck with long black wispy hair curling around his ears, was sitting his inevitable doom.
And when he looked up to see Seungcheol, he gave him a sweet smile with closed lips, a hand raised up in a wave. That was when Seungcheol knew Yoon Jeonghan was either going to settle himself inside his chest and weld his ribs back or break his heart and leave him bloody.